LIFE TO THE FULL w/ Nancy Campbell

EPISODE 262: It’s Time to Elevate Home and Family, Part 5

Colin and I continue to talk about elevating marriage. It has been devalued in our society, and it’s time to get it back to where God has placed it. It is a sacred institution. We must honor marriage and the marriage bed. We talk about how God wants wives to honor their husbands, but He also commands husbands to honor their wives. 

Announcer: Welcome to the podcast, Life to The Full, with Nancy Campbell, founder and publisher of Above Rubies.

Nancy Campbell: Hello, everyone! It’s always so wonderful to be with you! Today we’re going to continue talking about marriage. I have my wonderful husband with me again. We talked about marriage last week, but I think we need to talk about it a little more today. Marriage was the very first institution that God ordained. It really has fallen into disrepute in this age in which we are living. I believe it’s time to elevate it back to where God placed it.

I want to give you this quote. It’s my favorite quote about marriage, written or spoken, by John Piper, who is well known. He said,

“There has never been a generation whose view of marriage

is high enough.”

I believe that is so true. I don’t think any generation, particularly this one, has elevated marriage to the place where God has put it.

It is the revelation and the picture of Christ and His Bride, the church. God has given to marriage the responsibility, the privilege, to share this picture with the world. If only we could get ahold of that, I think it would help us to elevate marriage to where it’s meant to be.

I have been thinking recently of something that I often share with women regarding motherhood. I have always encouraged mothers that it’s not enough to love your children. You’ve got to love motherhood. That is so true.

Every mother loves her children. She would give her life for her children, but I would say that the majority of mothers don’t actually love the career of motherhood! It’s only when we get a revelation that this is the career God has given to us as women—we embrace it, we begin to confess that we love it, we take hold of it, and make it our life. When we do that, we come into the joy of it. We come into walking in the fullness of it.

Recently, I have been thinking, “Wow! That same principle applies to marriage.” We can love our husbands, but do we love marriage? Do we love marriage as God intends it to be, as He has revealed it in His Word? I’m not sure we all do. We can fall in love with this man, and we get married because we fell in love.

But we go into marriage not really planning to do it God’s way. We’re going to do it our way! We know this, especially in this age of so many egalitarian marriages, trying to have equality in marriage. Well, of course, we all know without a doubt that male and female are totally equal. But God gave us very defining and unique roles, specifically in the role of marriage. When we embrace our unique role, wow! We’re going to have a greater marriage.

The proof of doing it our way is in what is happening in our society today. There is such a breakdown of marriage, as much in the church as in the secular world. We’ve got to come back to God’s way, I do believe.

I think we have to start right at the very beginning, and then at the beginning, there was that beautiful marriage ceremony. We read the last words, I’m sure they were the benediction, as often they are spoken in marriages today, where it says in Genesis 2:24: “Therefore, shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and they shall be one flesh.”

I think that is the very first principle of marriage right there, that we are to be one. It is a oneness. You don’t come into that immediately, I don’t think. We come into marriage, and there’s still the two of us. It takes time to blend into one. What would you say about that, Darling?

Colin: Takes two to bring to one?

Nancy: No. You’re not listening to me. [laughter]

Colin: I was writing something.

Nancy: I think it takes time for us, when we come into marriage, we don’t necessarily, suddenly, we are one. Yes, we become one flesh, because that is the consummation of marriage, but it takes time to blend together as one. What would you say about that?

Colin: It does. It certainly does. I think a lot of people think that they have it all worked out as how it should be, and how one we should be. But often, that is very one-sided. It’s a one-sided opinion.

If the husband feels he’s got it all figured out, and the wife thinks she’s got it all figured out, it’s going to go her way, it’s going to go his way. It’s going to take time to mold together, to work together to unity—to let the other partner in the marriage, the other husband or wife, and I don’t like the word “partner.” It’s used in the wrong way today.

Nancy: No, I hate the word “partner.”

Colin: It’s going to take your spouse and yourself to be molded together into one, over time, to learn how to relate to one another.

Nancy: Yes, and I think also, that is learning to let go of selfishness, and “me, me, me.” It’s the same in motherhood. You come into motherhood still pretty much selfish. With every new baby, you’re learning to give more and more of yourself. That’s why I think you learn to mother better with each new baby. You look back, and you think, “Help! My poor first child! How did they survive?”

It’s the same with marriage. We come in, and we’re still have these selfish attitudes. It’s “How it’s going to affect me,” and “Poor me,” and “What is my husband doing for me?” But we have to learn to let those things go because they really do not bless our lives. We learn as we go along that the greatest fullness of life is denying your own life and living for others.

I love that Scripture where it says that he that he that “will save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his lie for My sake and the gospel’s will save it” (Mark 8:35). It is so true.

We don’t find our lives by trying to find who we are. No, that’s not the secret. We find our lives by laying down our lives for others. I think that even in our marriage it took time for us to mold and blend together. Now that we have been . . .

Colin: Probably me more than you! [laughter]

Nancy: Now that we have been married for 60 years, well, I think we’re getting there! [laughter]

Colin: Yes. I think we’re just beginning, actually! Sixty years in, and we’re still learning. We’ve still got more to learn.

Nancy: Yes, but I think we are very blended.

Colin: Can I say something here on the subject of . . .. it’s not my opinion that really counts . . . We’ve been talking this morning, even before this podcast about the Lordship of Jesus Christ in our lives. It affects every area of our lives, including our marriage. All the decisions that have to be made, and our attitudes, our moods, our demands, our feelings of need, and all that. But it all comes back to whether we have fully, as Christians (if we call ourselves Christians) have we fully surrendered our lives? We were singing this morning in our family devotions, “I Surrender All.” Have we really? Somebody said,

“If He’s not Lord of all, He’s not really Lord at all.”

There’s probably some truth in that.

But we need to be learning day by day in our lives to hand every aspect, especially the importance of marriage, because marriage is not just to be treated as something which is so natural that God really has very little to say in it. No, He should have a lot of room to . . . We need to be listening to Him, as to how to make our marriage much more what God intends it to be.

Nancy: Yes. I love these two quotes also, by John Garr. He says, “It is,” talking about the oneness of marriage. He said, “It is a divinely sanctioned state of oneness that can be paralleled only in the unity that exists in God Himself.” Wow, that’s a pretty profound statement.

Colin: It’s a big statement.

Nancy: But it’s something that we are to aspire to and that we have the same oneness that there is in the oneness in the body of the triune God, how they have such oneness together.

I also love this little quote. He says that when you get married, “Your two-ness ceases to exist.”

God created male and female. There were two. Then when He created the female, he brought her to the man. Then He put them together again and said, “You shall be one flesh.” We are meant to be one. I think it’s a good thing.

I have to often get my thinking straight in situations that arise. I have to think, yes, I am one with my husband, so what I do, or how I think, or what I’m planning to do in this situation is not only according to me. It also is according to my husband. How does this affect both of us, because it’s not just me. We are one. Our twoness has ceased to exist. We are one.

Colin: Of course, there is still in that oneness, there are different giftings.

Nancy: Oh, yes, of course!

Colin: And because you’re not negating that, I know. It’s the importance of being . . . You can have a oneness with the opinion of blessing each one to be what God intends them to be. You understand that your husband has callings in his life and giftings in his life. As a wife, you need to be one and encouraging them to be developed in his life.

Likewise, with the husband, he needs to be serving his wife in her vision of motherhood, or whatever God has given her to do, to be one in that. He’s not negating it, he’s not putting it down, unless, unless she’s out or order, or he’s out of order. We are to have that oneness, and we should seek that oneness. We should be working together to make that oneness happen.

I think it’s not just going to happen of itself. It’s going to happen as we look to each other and we look to the Lord, to make that oneness, to have that peace and that unity with each other in what we are doing, and how we are coming to understanding wherever we are in life.

Nancy: Yes. I’d like to read one or two Scriptures, revealing once again, the oneness of marriage, and also the oneness that God wanted to have with His people Israel, and also that He wants to have with His now blood-bought people who have come into His kingdom. God is a very jealous God.

Song of Solomon 8:6: “Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame.” It is not wrong for a husband to be jealous of a wife that is looking, maybe, outside her home, or at someone else apart from her husband.

I think we talked about it last time, didn’t we? About the exclusivity of marriage, and how that, when we’re married, OK, we no longer have another relationship with another person of the opposite sex on our own. Yes, we have friends together, which are the great blessing of life. But our marriage is exclusive.

Paul wrote to the Corinthians in 2 Corinthians 11:2-3: “For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband.” Now, that was talking about how he has brought them to the Lord and He is to be their only One that they worship, and to have no other gods before them. But he is using the analogy of marriage, because marriage portrays this beautiful picture.

“For I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ. But I fear, lest by any means, as the serpent beguiled Eve through his subtilty, so your minds should be corrupted from the simplicity that is in Christ.”

Did you know, folks, that they are now seeking to bring in a law to have a marriage of three? We can hardly believe that, but then, of course, we can believe it, with the ridiculous things that are happening in our nation today. How can we allow this? How can this even be? I believe it is because we have not elevated marriage to where God placed it. Marriage is with one husband. Therefore, a husband or a wife can be jealous.

Colin: Jealous. I think that word is true. There can be incredible jealousy and hurt when one partner or the other is feeling that they have been jilted. There’s a competition there, between them and somebody else. That the wife may be looking to this man and looking to this man. I think that’s something that needs to be avoided as much as possible.

Nancy: I think that it should not only be avoided as much as possible; it has to be totally wiped out!

Colin: In the normality of life, you’re going to be dealing with the opposite sex one way or another. As far as your marriage is concerned, and even, I think in spending too much time, you said, “with the same sex.” I think you were meaning, “with the opposite sex.”

Nancy: Yes, that’s what I was meaning. Yes, that’s what I meant. Sorry.

Colin: That’s not having another man in your life that you regard, that you feel you want to have that liberty to have that friendship, and a special friendship with another person in your life, another man in your life, not of your sex, but a different sex. That can create great jealousy and competition and hurt, too.

Nancy: Yes, absolutely!

Colin: And all sorts of problems can arise from that.

Nancy: Yes! As God says in Exodus 20:3-5: “Thou shalt have no other gods before Me . . . Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God.” This is the picture that we are portraying in our marriage, that we will have no other person before our husband. That’s not just in life, but in our thoughts, and in any other way.

There is one passage in the Bible that says: “Flee fornication.” You do not put yourself in a situation where you can ever even be tempted. I was reading one other translation recently, and it said, “Fly from fornication.” I thought, “Wow, that’s pretty good.” You can flee. That means you can run, but maybe you’ve got to do more than that. You’ve got to fly from it! You never even put yourself in that temptation. That’s how we have to live, so astutely, I believe.

Colin: I don’t think we can overestimate what we’re talking about here or underestimate it. It is so important what we’re saying right now. It is a major problem, I think, in many, in the desire for liberty in marriage, and freedom to go beyond the borders that God has created in marriage. Therefore, there needs to be walls, there needs to be fences, there needs to be boundaries, to these personal relationships with each other. Otherwise, anything and everything can come in, and unfortunately, mar what God is really calling for.

Nancy: Yes, and I think Malachi 2:14-16 has very, very serious words about marriage. It’s right there at the end of the Old Testament, just about getting to the last words. It says, “You cry out.” I’m reading from the New Living Translation. “You cry out, ‘Why doesn’t the Lord accept my worship?’ I’ll tell you why. Because the Lord witnessed the vows you and your wife made when you were young. But you have been unfaithful to her, though she remained your faithful partner.”

I don’t really like that word, as we said before, because today, it’s used for a same-sex partner, or any kind of partner. “The wife of your marriage vows. Didn’t the Lord make you one with your wife? In body and spirit you are his. And what does he want? ‘Godly children from your union. So, guard your heart; remain loyal to the wife of your youth. For I hate divorce!’ says the LORD, the God of Israel. ‘To divorce your wife is to overwhelm her with cruelty,’ says the LORD of Heaven’s Armies. ‘So, guard your heart, to not be unfaithful to your wife.’”

Now, in the King James Version, it says these words: “In the beginning,” it says: “you dealt treacherously.” boy, that’s a powerful word, isn’t it? “Treacherously with the wife of your youth.” Then, toward the end, it says: “Let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.”

TREACHEROUS

Actually, three times in that passage, in the King James Version, it uses the word, “treacherously.” That’s how God sees it, when either a wife or a husband, looks beyond her marriage, to someone else, maybe in meeting, even in thoughts. God looks upon this as treachery because He has made us one.

Colin: On that line, too, you never know. Some people might think, “Well, I’m strong in my mind. This is just a platonic thing.” But you do not understand sometimes what’s going on in the other person’s mind that you are having a lot of association with. You could be encouraging something there. Also, we have to consider not just our own feelings, but also the feelings of somebody else. We should not become a temptation to them.

Nancy: Yes. And therefore, you learn to act and live wisely.

Colin: Wisely. You’ve got to be wise about all this.

Nancy: Also, too, the marriage bed is something that we must honor. In Hebrews 13:4, the New English Translation says: “Marriage must be honored.” We’re talking about honoring marriage, lifting it up to the highest state that God has given us. “Marriage must be honored among all, and the marriage bed kept undefiled, for God will judge sexually immoral people, and adultery.”

The Amplified Classic says: “Let marriage be held in honor, esteemed worthy, precious, of great price, and especially dear in all things. And thus let the marriage bed be kept undefiled, kept un-dishonored, for God will judge and punish the unchaste, all guilty of sexual vice and adultery.”

So, I believe that, yes, that is talking about when someone violates the marriage bed and is immoral with someone else. But it also is speaking about even keeping that marriage bed holy and honorable. As the Amplified brings out the full meaning of the Greek, “to esteem it worthy and precious, and of great price.”

I believe this is how we should look upon sexual intimacy in our marriage, that it is of great price. It is very dear. It is sacred. It’s something that is very sacred. We need to keep it sacred, keep it honorable, and keep it holy, even in the marriage bed. I think that is important.

Colin: I think because in today’s world, it’s an information world. It’s much more information now on these subjects, from a worldly perspective, on how to satisfy one another in the marriage bed, using worldly mindsets and thoughts. This can really bring corruption into the marriage bed. I do think that this is extremely important on this particular point, that we refrain from looking at any form of books or movies.

I may sound like I’m being very narrow and very square, but I do think it’s extremely important, because your marriage is a holy institution. Intimacy is a holy thing. God wants us to keep it holy and not to pervert it.

I think, as men or women . . . I once had to counsel a woman because she said her husband was wanting her to watch perversion, pornography with him so they could practice this in their own marriage relationship. She was appalled at it. I had to call the man up about it. This is the kind of thing that is happening in today’s world. That is something that we must avoid at all costs, and really pray about that type of thing from coming in and destroying the marriage relationship, and the experience.

Nancy: Yes. It only brings destruction. It will even bring down the glorious act of intimacy in the marriage to a low degree and become less and less what it is meant to be. Using all these extra things and stuff that people want to do today, is only, they’re counterfeiting. They totally dishonor the marriage bed. God has made it to be so glorious without all that junk. In fact, the more junk people use, the less it will become. We have to honor and see it as something of great price and holy and honorable.

HONORING ONE ANOTHER

In talking about honor, which we are seeking to do in this podcast, I’ve noticed in the Word of God that both the husband is to honor his wife, and the wife is to honor her husband. But they are different words in the Greek. So, I’d like to share those with you.

In talking of the wife first, we go to Ephesians 5:33. The whole of Ephesians 5, we’re not going into it today, but oh, these are passages worth reading over and over because they give the whole picture of walking in our marriage, to show to the world that picture of how His body, how His people, how they relate to Him, how they honor Him.

How they put Him above all others, and how Christ Himself is laying His life down for His church. He laid His life down. He went to the cross. But even now, He is still sacrificing. He is still interceding at the Father’s right hand, continually, for us. It is love for us. It’s good to constantly remind ourselves of these beautiful truths.

Out there in the world, they like to come against what they call “the patriarchal marriage,” where the man is taking dominance over his wife. I don’t know why they like to bring that up against Christians, because if they read the Bible, they will see, in Ephesians 5, and other places, how the man, the husband, the patriarch of the home, is meant to be laying down his life for his wife, to be loving her as he loves his own body. Oh, goodness me! They have a totally wrong conception of it all.

And, of course, you hear about situations where that does happen. But that’s not Bible. That’s someone who is totally out of sync with God, and out of sync with the Bible. That word, oh, I must read it to you. Ephesians 5:33: “The wife see that she reverence her husband.” “Reverence her husband.”

Now, in the Amplified Classic, let me read it to you. “However, let each man of you, without exception, love his wife, as being an offence against his very own self. And let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband, that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates and esteems him, and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves him, and admires him exceedingly.” Wow! That’s a tall order, isn’t it?

Colin: That’s a tall order!

Nancy: That is giving a very full understanding of that word, “to reverence,” which, when you look up the Strong’s Concordance, you will see that it even means “to fear.” So, it is an awe and reverence that we are to give to our husband who God has placed to be head of our home, and to be our covering and protection, and also our provision. But then, we go to the man.

Colin: May I just interrupt?

Nancy: Oh, do you want to say something?

Colin: To get to the point, I think that it’s often, people might say, “Well, I don’t feel like I can do that. That’s a tall order that’s way beyond me.” This is where we have to come to an understanding that the Lord didn’t put this in the Word (that Amplified Version gives various . . . The Greek can’t be explained in just one single English word). It gives us the different shades of meaning to it, which really brings the full meaning out of how the wife should respect her husband, and honor and venerate, and so on. If the wife thinks, “I can’t do that. It’s just beyond where I’m at right now,” that’s where they need to click into the nature of Christ that’s in them. He is in them, so that you can move into that, into His realm, of His Spirit.

If you can’t, if you’re struggling with it, you can be praying about it, saying, “Lord, I want You to come through, I want You to make this thing real in my life. I call upon You to help me in this regard.” I think this is what God is looking for. We may not be perfect in all these things that we’re saying, but if we’re aiming to get there, we’re looking to the Lord to make His nature more predominant in our marriage and in our love for one another, it’s a growing process. But we’ve got to be pushing into that and that’s what it’s referring to there.

Nancy: Yes. And then, it also says, in the Word of God, in 1 Peter 3:7: “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers be not hindered.” Here we see the husband is to also honor his wife. It’s in a different way.

The Greek word here is timē. It means “to value as precious, to esteem to the highest degree, to give dignity to.” That’s beautiful, isn’t it? So, as wives are to reverence and give honor to their husband as the one who God has placed as head of their home, so the husband will be giving honor to his wife. He will be seeing her as so precious. Oh, he will be esteeming her to the highest degree! He will be showing her dignity and giving her the dignity that she needs to receive from their husband.

Colin: Sometimes the “weaker vessel” may refer to the fact that she is maybe weaker physically.

Nancy: Yes, that could be.

Colin: Also, she may be somewhat weaker emotionally at times. I think that I don’t know whether this is a good illustration, but I could say it you. In most of our homes, we have what we call “china cabinets” where we put the most precious vessels in a safe place. We keep them from being used in a common sense. They can get chipped in that kind of state, in a regular cupboard, they’ll get chipped.

But that which is valuable to us, we put in a special place. In a way, a wife should be in a special place with every husband so that he will not just toy with her emotions, and goad her, and tease her in a wrong sense, and treat her in a common sense. I think that’s got to be something that has to be understood by men: treat her as, in some areas, weaker. Not necessarily in character or personality she’s weaker, but in some areas of emotion, she may be, and also physically.

Nancy: Yes, well, I think of myself as a pretty strong person, physically.

Colin: Well, you are! Physically.

Nancy: And emotionally. But I’m still glad you’re stronger than me, because there are many times if I can’t lift something (I can lift pretty heavy things), but I need you around. I’m always needing you to carry these really heavy things. Or do this that I can’t do. Wow!

Colin: You’re also not a person who is a very emotional-type lady. You’re not. You keep a very, very even keel. It’s one thing that I have really been blessed with in having you as my wife. But not all women are the same. Some are very sensitive. Maybe those sensitivities need to be ministered to and get the victory over super-sensitivity. I think it’s understood that a lot of women are more emotional than men, and will cry a lot more than men, usually. Men need to respect these areas and treat them with care.

Nancy: Amen! So, we’re going to end this podcast, a little bit overtime, as usual. Remembering that we are both going to be honoring one another. It’s an honoring of the wife honoring her husband as she respects and venerates and honors him. The husband honoring his wife, treating her like that very most precious thing in the china cabinet. What do we call them today? You don’t call them china cabinets here.

Female voice: A hutch?

Nancy: Yes, a hutch, or whatever. Yes, in fact, we have, in our china cabinet, as we call it . . .

Colin: The hutch.

Nancy: The hutch, OK. We have some very, very precious china that has been passed down our family. When Colin’s mother passed away, it was passed on to him as the oldest son. We did get that. We didn’t get everything that he was meant to get as the oldest son.

Colin: That’s another story!

Nancy: There was a very, very, very expensive, incredible silver, what was it? A silver . . .

Colin: A tea set.

Nancy: A tea set sort of thing. Yes, very expensive. But anyway, Colin’s mother did not give it to us, because she didn’t trust us! She passed it on.

Colin: She thought I’d sell it!

Nancy: Yes! She passed it on to our eldest son. But we were happy about that, because when we were married, we had all these beautiful . . . and we’re going overtime, but I’ll just tell this little story. We were given all these wonderful wedding presents. But the Lord had called us out to the mission field, and we were preparing to go out.

Colin: For our lives, really. Never thought we’d come back.

Nancy: Really. We didn’t know. Anyway, we were living in this home owned by the China Inland Mission, and we had this beautiful table and chairs, and all these different things that our family had given us. When it came time to go, we thought, “Well, we don’t know when we’re coming back.” It was a dear (oh they were just this gorgeous) lovely old couple who’d just come back from the mission field. They’d lived their lives . . .

Colin: They were in China for forty years!

Nancy: Well, they’d been in China for forty years. When China had closed, they’d gone to Taiwan. They had served the Lord all their lives. They were coming into this home.

Colin: And they had nothing.

Nancy: They had nothing. So, we said, “OK, here it is.” We left all our wedding presents, everything we owned with them, and we went off!

Colin: And we never thought about the feelings of all those who had given to us.

Nancy: Well, we didn’t think about that.

Colin: Of course, we found out later. [laughter]

Nancy: His parents weren’t very happy! So, when it came time for us to be left all their stuff, “Oh no! We’re not leaving it with them! They don’t really appreciate temporal things at all!” But anyway, we’re glad our eldest son has it. It looks glorious in his big mansion. We don’t have a mansion. We wouldn’t have known where to put it! Help! Anyway, Darling, you pray.

Colin:

“Lord, we thank You for the honor of marriage, and the honor that you have placed on marriage, and for what You have put into it, and what You desire of it, Lord, to be an emblem of Christ, and a type of Christ and His relationship, the head of the church for His relationship with His bride.

“Lord, what a beautiful, intimate thing, very intimate, very holy, very pure, not common, a very, very not normal, like the average normal, what everybody thinks as normal, but something very special. Help us to honor, Lord, help us to honor it in every way. Lord, let us elevate it to where You want it to be. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.”

Nancy: Amen!”

Blessings from Nancy Campbell

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www.aboverubies.org

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LIFE TO THE FULL w/ Nancy Campbell

EPISODE 261: It’s Time to Elevate Home and Family, Part 4

Colin is with me again today, this time elevating the roles of husband and wife. We also share 16 character qualities a young woman should look for in the man she would like to marry. Young people, please listen in! 

Announcer: Welcome to the podcast, Life to The Full, with Nancy Campbell, founder and publisher of Above Rubies.

Nancy Campbell: Hi there to everyone! Here we are again, my husband, Colin, and myself, continuing to talk to you about elevating the home and the family. Today we’d like to talk about elevating marriage, elevating the roles of the husband and the wife.

I believe it’s time for us to also elevate these roles. They’ve become inferior. Many of us just take them for granted. When we take something for granted, we’re not really elevating it, are we? I believe it’s time for us to also put honor on the husband’s role and also to put honor upon the wife’s role, because both are so important. God planned for male and female. He planned for father and mother. He planned for husband and wife. It’s a togetherness.

We can’t do it on our own. Well, we do. There are so many single moms today. There are even single dads. But they are struggling. They’re not meant to be doing it on their own. No, we need one another. This is God’s intention. Every child, every child needs a father. Every child needs a mother. I think we should talk about these roles today.

Colin: Yes, yes, we do, because as we all know, there have been many Christian marriages that have been divorced. It’s very, very, very hurtful to the next generation, hurtful to one another. It’s also very damaging to the next generation. I believe there is an answer in Christ for every marriage.

I think that those who are going to get married need to really make sure they’re marrying somebody who is really surrendered. Both the wife and the husband-to-be are to be fully committed to Jesus Christ. No half-heartedness. This needs to be something in both cases, both the wife and the husband, especially in today’s world, where there is so much separation, so much divorce.

We have to deal with it all the time, as pastors, and people who speak to people that are married. It’s something that’s so very, very hard for children. Children suffer enormously, much more than most people realize. Enormously. They’ve been jilted by it. They’re diseased by it, almost, having had parents that have separated or divorced one another.

Nancy: Oh, yes, Darling. You were just saying how it is so important to marry the right man. Just the other day, I was having my time with the Lord. I don’t know what I was thinking about, but I began to write down some things that I think are important for young people to look for in a husband.

I’ve just turned over to them now. I’ll read them to you.

I hope young people are listening! Otherwise, mothers, you can share this with your daughters. As yet, I haven’t written something about what guys should look for in a wife. I’ll have to get on to that.

Colin: You can mention it to their sons as well.

Nancy: Well, yes, that’s right. Anyway, what to find in a husband.

No. 1: A MAN WHO IS A VIRGIN

Hopefully he will be a virgin. In the Bible, it always speaks about virgins getting married; the young virgins and the young men virgins. Well, today, sadly, in this terribly fornicating world, sometimes there can be a man who was in the world and has come to Christ, and is now truly repentant and walking in holiness. You cannot completely wipe out the fact that unless he’s a virgin, I cannot marry him. But, you had better, better know that he is. You can see, and not just you can see, but your parents.

Colin: Especially knowing that he’s totally liberated and away from pornography.

Nancy: Absolutely. And is totally a man who is now walking in true holiness.

No. 2: A MAN WHO LOVES GOD’S WORD

And will bathe you in it. In the Bible, in Ephesians 5, that’s the chapter about marriage. Ephesians 5:25-26: “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the Word.”

That is a very beautiful thing for a husband to do when he is married, to wash his wife with the Word. That means he’s going to read the Word to her, or with her, each day. If you’re looking at a guy, and he doesn’t even read the Word, how is he ever going to do that? Find a man who loves God’s Word! That’s not so easy to do today. But look for that. Pray that God will give you a man who loves His Word.

Colin: I do believe there are men out there . . .

Nancy: Oh yes, there are!

Colin: That they’re there. They’re there. God’s got somebody for you all.

Nancy: Don’t go for anyone else. I said, “who will bathe you in it.” I didn’t really realize this until I was reading another translation the other day. It said the word “bathe.” I said, “Oh, that’s interesting,” so I looked it up. Actually, in the Greek, that is what it really means. It doesn’t mean to just have a little wash. It means “to totally bathe.” It’s like a baptism. You go into the water. It’s a bathing in the Word. You’ve got to find a guy who will be wanting to bathe you in the Word. Wow! That’s the kind of husband to find.

No. 3: A MAN WHO LOVES TO PRAY

And who will pray with you throughout your marriage. It is so sad that there are many marriages where they don’t even pray together! Wow! I love that Scripture in Matthew 18:19 where it says: “If two of you shall agree on earth, as touching anything, it shall be done by My Father which is in heaven.”

If two of you . . . two . . .  that’s a wonderful Scripture, tailor-made for marriage. It can be any two people who agree. When two people agree together there is power in prayer. But just think about it. You get married and there are two of you. Wow! It’s the most wonderful thing.

I thought about that when I went into marriage. I was so blessed because my husband was a man who loved to pray. Our whole courtship was in prayer meetings! We could be walking along, talking about something, and he’d say, “Well, let’s pray about it.” I knew that I was marrying a man of prayer. Still to this day, he is a man of prayer. I think his favorite place to be is in a prayer meeting!

But it’s a wonderful promise, because you have the two of you. That’s what God does when He brings you together as man and wife. There are two of you, although actually you become one. But there are two, and if you agree, you can have your answer to your prayers. What a wonderful thing!

Husbands and wives should be praying for their children. If they don’t pray for them, who else is going to? Maybe, as I’m talking now, maybe your husband doesn’t pray with you. I know that grieves you. But why don’t you ask him? Don’t just tell him he should be praying with you, because then that will just get his hackles up.

But just at the right time, you could ask him, and say, “Darling, I am concerned about certain things with the children. Would you please pray with me about them?” When you ask, he’s not going to say no. Then you could say, “Well, when do you think would be the best time? Do you think we should pray together in the morning? Or pray at night? You tell me the time. But it will be so good if we could do that.” It would be wonderful if you could start to do that in your own marriage.

Colin: May I interject there, because I think that many men, perhaps, because they’re new in marriage, they can develop this type of thing through a wife that will encourage them in that kind of thing. I think it’s important that the wife is a helpmeet to the husband, to help him to be developed in these kinds of areas, too. She will help him in these kinds of ways.

Many men just need to be nudged by their wives, and not dictated to, or forced to by their wives. Men will resist that, for sure. But nevertheless, encouragement to come into that is huge, I think, I think it’s very, very good to sweetly and lovingly encourage their husbands to join them to pray for their family, especially for their family.

Nancy:

No. 4: A MAN WHO LOVES TO BLESS

A wonderful part of our marriage is our Shabbat meal. I did a whole podcast on that, which you can listen to if you haven’t already. That is where the husband blesses his wife. Then he blesses the children. That is such a beautiful thing. Of course, he doesn’t have to wait until Shabbat. He can be doing that all the time. But you need to see these qualities in this man you are looking for before you marry him.

No. 5: A MAN OF STRONG CHARACTER

Who holds fast to his convictions. He is not just swayed by any Tom, Dick, and Harry, saying one thing or saying another.

No. 6: A MAN WHO IS FILLED WITH THE SPIRIT OF GOD

And is open to the moving of the Holy Spirit.

No. 7: A MAN WHO IS A HARD WORKER, NOT A SHIRKER

Oh, that is important! Just look for a man who knows how to work hard. He doesn’t do things half-heartedly. No, he gets “stuck in.” Also, he does it properly. He finishes the job. He doesn’t leave it half done. Look for a guy like that.

Colin: Can I interrupt on that one? Yes, I know this is primarily going across to women, so I’m not saying so much here today, because this podcast primarily goes out to womenfolk, so I give my wife all the time that she needs.

But I have to admit that even as a man, I don’t like being around men who really do not know how to work, or don’t have any impetus to work, or no impetus or willingness to without even having to be asked to do things. And when they do something, to do it with . . .  I think it’s good for women to take note of this too, for they also need to have that kind of a spirit, but to do things with flair.

To do things with style and to jump to it. Don’t drag your feet, saying “I’m doing it,” but it’s so casual. It’s so low-key. A certain amount of oomph and exuberance is really to be looked to. I think it’s to be on it.

Nancy: Yes!

No. 8: A MAN WHO BELIEVES IN PROVIDING FOR HIS FAMILY

That he will be prepared to provide so you can stay home and care for your children. It’s so sad. There are many young men today who don’t have that conviction, and they expect their wife to go out to work.

No, that is not the wife’s responsibility. No, it is the responsibility of the man to provide for his wife and the home so the mother can stay in her nest to care for her children. Look for a man who has that conviction. If he doesn’t, well, you won’t want to marry that man.

No. 9: A MAN WHO LOVES CHILDREN

And who will embrace every child that God will give in your marriage, a man who will not reject children. That is so important to find that out before you get married. That this is a man who has a heart for children. He’s open to embracing all the children that God has for you in your marriage.

There are so many mothers who are heartbroken because their husband does not want any more children. That is a very sad thing, because God has created the womb to cry out for children. In Proverbs 30:15, 16 it says there are four things that never say it is enough, that are never satisfied. One is the barren womb. God has put that cry within the womb to long for children. A husband who does not understand that is actually being very cruel to his wife, because he’s denying her that very instinct that God has put within her. So, that’s an important thing to check out.

No. 10: A MAN WHO WILL NOT COMPROMISE ON ANY LEVEL OF EVIL

 (I can’t even read what I’ve written here, because I was just writing it down quickly as I was thinking.) Oh yes, he will not watch movies that are slightly tainted or have immorality in them. He will have high standards.

So many Christian young people today watch anything. They watch stuff with immorality in it. This is the thing. It’s not enough . . . there was a time when you . . . I remember when growing up . . . “OK, never marry a non-Christian. Make sure you marry a Christian.”

But today, that is not enough, because there are so many Christians who may be Christian by name, but they are not walking in holiness. They really are just living like the secular world. It’s not enough to marry a man who says he is a Christian. You have got to look for these qualities that I am giving you today. Watch for that. This guy you’re interested in, he’s just having to watch any movie. Immorality, fornication comes up. He doesn’t even turn a hair. Well, you’re not going to marry that guy.

No. 11: A MAN WHO IS GENEROUS

In Psalm 112, there’s a wonderful passage about men. Let me read it to you. “Blessed is the man that feareth the Lord.” You’re going to marry a man who fears the Lord. “And delights greatly in his commandments. His seed shall be mighty upon the earth. The generation of the upright shall be blessed.” Then it goes on to say: “He is full of compassion. A good man showeth favor and lendeth. He will guide his affairs with discretion.” He is a generous man, full of compassion. So, you look out for those qualities, too.

No. 12: A MAN WHO DOES NOT WATCH PORNOGRPAHY

no pornography. Sometimes a person can have delved into it a little, but you would have to know that he was totally and absolutely delivered from this evil thing, and totally free, and walking in holiness. Pornography is one of the biggest things that is destroying marriages today. It is absolutely an abomination. Don’t get involved with any young man who is into that.

No. 13: A MAN WHO IS ALWAYS WILLING TO HELP OTHERS

He is not always thinking of himself. It’s so wonderful, isn’t it, to see a young man who doesn’t just think of himself. He sees someone who has a need and just goes to help them. Oh, that’s a beautiful quality to look for.

No. 14: A MAN WHO IS COMMITTED TO THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE SAINTS

That means he is a regular attender at church. He doesn’t go sometimes, or when he feels like it, or something happens. “Oh no, can’t go today.” No! You find a young man who is committed to fellowshipping with the people of God, because that’s what the Word says. Hebrews 10:25: “Forsake not the assembling of yourselves together, as the manner of some is. But so much the more, as you see the day approaching.”

You need to see that in your young man now, because when children come along, you’ll want to take your children to church. This is a normal habit for a God-fearing person. The Bible talks about Jesus who went into the synagogue on the sabbath day, “as was His habit.” It had been his habit from a child. The family went to the synagogue. It was their habit, so it was still His habit. It should be something that is a habit in a young man’s life so it will continue to be a habit as children come along and you continue that as a family.

No. 15: A MAN THAT BELIEVES IN HOMESCHOOLING

And is prepared for his wife to homeschool the children, because we are living in a day now . . . this wasn’t always the case. Many, many years ago, children could go to school, and they would be pretty fine. Today they cannot. It is a place of total brainwashing in humanism, progressivism, and alternative lifestyles, and homosexuality, and transgenderism. It is no place for a child of God.

So, those are just a few things I wrote down. I didn’t mean to share them today.

Colin: They’re very good. They’re very, very good.

Nancy: I think they are important.

Colin: I want to add one more. One more.

Nancy: Yes! Yes!

Colin: Hopefully this man that you’re interested in is not a womanizer.

Nancy: Oh, I meant to write that one down on my list.

No. 16: A MAN THAT IS A “ONE-WOMAN MAN”

Colin: Because a womanizer is . . . You want a man that is a ONE-WOMAN MAN.

Nancy: Yes! A one-woman man!

Colin: Who’s got his affections for his wife and not somebody else. He’s always wanting to talk to his wife. It’s a sad thing when men want to talk to other women and not talk to their wives. This is very, very sad. I think it would be tortuous for a woman to have to put up with that kind of thing.

Nancy: Yes.

Colin: But the wife also, she must not be a flirting woman. I think that’s very, very important, that you have your eyes for one another. You’re forsaking all others, as the Scriptures say, as the vows say. You only be for yourselves, to be together as a married couple. All that has to change. But I think it has to change before you get married, if I do say so.

Nancy: So, that was No. 16. That’s good. Thank you, Darling. Overall that, over those points that I have given you, of course, you will fall in love! That’s what you’ve got to watch, that you don’t see these qualities, well, you’ve got to steel yourself, and don’t let yourself fall in love.

But there is something about falling in love. Just that flame that ignites. Think of all the men in the world. You’re not going to fall in love with them all. But there’s one that you’re just drawn to. That’s such a beautiful thing.

Colin: In Ephesians, it speaks about the man who should love his wife as Christ loves the church and lays down his life for the church. Marriage is a laying down of one’s life. This whole thing that so many are going through these days, and we’re dealing with it with some people right now. That is, they’re married, but they want to have their own time out, and they want to do their own thing, and they’re not being sacrificial towards each other, in laying down. You see, the man is to lay down his life for his wife as Christ laid down His life for the church. It’s of ultimate importance.

THE EXCLUSIVITY OF MARRIAGE

Nancy: I was just going to pop in there. Talking of that, I do believe myself, I am a great believer in the exclusivity of marriage. I believe that when we become married, we have an exclusive relationship.

I think it is sad that there are some wives, and maybe husbands, who think that they can go out and maybe have a cup of coffee in friendship with another friend of the opposite sex when they’re married. I don’t believe that at all. I don’t believe that at all. I believe that when we become married, we become one. Our relationship is exclusive.

Now that doesn’t mean to say we don’t have friends. Colin and I have so many friends that we enjoy together as couples. We meet with them. We have them in our home as couples, and as families. We enjoy so many wonderful friendships.

But I would never, in my wildest dreams, go out and have a meal, or a cup of coffee with the husband of one of those wives! Colin would never even think . . .  I couldn’t even imagine him going out with one of the wives on their own! That’s the thing. We don’t do that, because our relationship is exclusive. It’s a togetherness. It’s a oneness. I think that is very important.

That’s important for young people to realize too, that when you get married, you are no longer single! And you’re no longer going to have that friendship with . . . Maybe you’re in a circle of guys and girls, but you’re never going to have a relationship with any of those other guys again on your own. Oh yes, maybe together, when you’re all together, but never on your own. Marriage is exclusive.

Colin: Yes, it is. I think that we need to be very, very careful about these kinds of things that have just been mentioned, especially this last one, about being exclusive for one another. Because there are so many in the Christian church now that will go out and have friends, and speak to somebody else’s husband, or somebody else’s wife over a meal, or going for coffee together, or something like that.

They think, “Well, this is the liberty we have in Christ.” But it’s not. It’s not the separation that God means, because you’ve got your testimony to think about as well. If somebody else is seeing you with somebody else’s husband, or somebody else’s wife, you’ve got them in the car together, or you’re having coffee together somewhere, they’re going to think something’s going on.

This is not going to create a good testimony. We have to preserve the testimony of Christ. We have to do that, especially in this whole thing of marriage split-up, and marriage break-down. All these things really, really count.

Another thing that I guess, if we have time, but I think that every wife needs to have a husband who will eulogize her and compliment her constantly, and bless her, and encourage her. Basically, she needs this every day, because she’s going through the bringing up the little children, and the frustrations of children, and they’re all around her. Immaturity is around her all day. She needs to have a husband who will be constantly complimenting her. I think this is very, very important.

But also, vice versa. The wife needs to compliment her husband. This, I think, is very, very important. As Christ compliments the church, and He does, so should men be very, very complimenting, eulogizing their wives. That’s one great thing about that Shabbat meal table thing. That is only once a week, but it should be something that is done, pretty much a lifestyle, of complimenting your wife. Telling her how beautiful she is and how she looks so nice in that particular dress.

My dear wife asks me constantly, “What do you think about this dress?” “What do you think about these earrings?” “What do you think about this brooch?” Or something else, a necklace that she’s wearing. I will take time to consider it and encourage her in something that will be nice, and she looks beautiful in it.

Nancy: Yes, and talking about elevating marriage, I think we have to come back to the picture, the overall picture that God gives. Because, really, the whole of the Bible is a book about marriage. It’s about God coming. He began the nation of Israel. He became the husband to Israel. We see, as we read the Word that He was like a husband to Israel. But sadly, they were like a fornicating wife! And who were not faithful to Him.

But the whole of the Bible . . .  Jesus came then. And He came to get a bride. I don’t think any of us will really, I don’t think we are a real, true picture. When we think of the Scriptures, what does it say? 1 Corinthians 11:3: “But I would have you know that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is the man, and the head of Christ is God.”

Just as marriage is to be the picture of Christ, and His church, we as the church, we as the bride, we are not the head. Christ is the head. Therefore, that picture comes down to marriage where the husband is the head. Now, this is a principle that so many don’t want to even listen to today.

Colin: If we have time, just briefly, it’s very, very important that the man hold that in respect to being loving and kind with his attitudes, and his desire in the role of his wife, so that she is encouraged. This is so, so radically important, I think that dominance from the husband is very hard for a wife to have to deal with. I don’t think she needs that. If a man was to win a woman to be his wife, he would never do it by being dominating over her.

Nancy: Well, dominance always causes resistance, doesn’t it?

Colin: Yes, it does.

Nancy: But you see, headship does not need to be dominant. Headship is leading. Headship is providing. Headship is covering. It’s just watching over his wife and his family.

Colin: Every way that a man would try to woo a woman to marry him should be the way that he keeps his marriage together.

Nancy: That’s true. But, of course, we, as wives, we have to do our part in submitting to that leadership, because even loving leadership, you still have to learn to submit to. We are all fallen creatures. We all have this old nature. We all want our own way.

But we have to learn in marriage to yield to another way of things. Submitting and yielding are very beautiful things. They are not something that is, OK, the woman is put down at all. No, because they bring great blessings. I just want to read the Scriptures because the Scriptures say it better than we do.

Colin: Both roles are very important to God.

Nancy: Exactly!

Colin: They are very important roles. But the female and the male are equally as important to God. He places the final headship with the man. But nevertheless, that man can be that man that God wants him to be by an encouraging wife as well, who will encourage him to be that, to take leadership.

At the same time, it’s so important for men to treat their wives with great respect, because they can’t live without that. Each one is very important. Each, the male and the female, are important to each other. It’s to be taken very, very seriously. What would a home be like if your wife was not there? It would be awful. It would be so horrible to live in that house.

Nancy: Yes. Those are roles that God has ordained. He’s ordained a man to be the head, but the loving head. What does the Bible say in Ephesians 5? He’s to lay down his life for his wife. He’s to treat her as he would look after his own body. He’s to wash her with the water of the Word, actually to bathe her in it. This headship is not so much lording it over his wife, but leading, and caring, and providing, and protecting.

Ephesians 5:22-24: “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church.” See, this is the picture that we are to portray. “And he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.” 

Ephesians 4:15: “But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ.”

Colossians 1:18: “He is the head of the body, the church, that in all things He might have the preeminence.” This is the picture of marriage. Marriage is the picture of Christ and the church.

But one little thing I must share as we’re getting to the end. So many women hate the thought of submission. They don’t even like the word. I don’t know why, because submission was so much part of Jesus Who is ultimately King of Kings, and Lord of Lords, and yet He was prepared to submit to His Father. To submit to the cross. To submit to death. To submit to blood. To submit to taking upon Him the sin of the world. He submitted to that.

But then, of course, the next verse says: “Wherefore God hath highly exalted Him and given Him a Name which is above every name.” Submission is not something that ends in nothing. No, submission brings great blessing and glory.

Colin: Can I say something there? Because once I was asked to take a wedding. Just at that point, before the wedding began, she came, and she wanted the vows altered. Nothing was to be said of submission. I almost felt like saying, “Get somebody else to marry you,” but I went ahead and put the submission thing in.

Nancy: [laughter] Yes. But this word, “submission,” is the word in the Greek, hupotasso.

Colin: Her husband should also say, “Submit yourselves one to another,” so there is submission on both sides as well.

Nancy: Yes. And just as we close, a beautiful little point. Hupotasso. That has the meaning of “submission” in Greek.

It means two words, hupo, which means “to come under.” Well, we don’t like that, do we?

 And then tasso, “to set in order.” Therefore, it means “to place in an orderly fashion under something.”

But that word, hupo, let me give you a couple of other Scriptures as we close, which I think are so beautiful.

In Luke 13:34, that’s when Jesus was praying over Jerusalem. He said, “Oh, Jerusalem, Jerusalem, how often would I have gathered thy children together, as a hen doth gather her brood under her wings.” That’s the word hupo! Under.

We think, “Oh, I don’t want to come under a man!” But here it’s talking about the chickens under the wings of the hen. That’s talking of covering. You see, we come under a covering that protects us and provides for us. It is the most blessed thing to come under that covering! That was the safest place for those little chickens, to be under the hen.

But do you know how it ends? How does that Scripture end? “But they would not.” Isn’t that what many, many wives do? Oh, God wants them to come under that covering of their husbands, because it’s that beautiful picture of coming under Christ, who is our Head. But “No! I am not going to do that!”

Again, in Mark 4:30-32, Jesus was giving this parable about the grain of mustard seed, “which when it is sown in the earth, it is less than all the seeds that be in the earth. But when it is grown, it growth up and becometh greater than all the herbs, and shooteth out great branches, so that the fowls of the air may lodge under the shadow of it.” Well, is that a horrible thing? No! A glorious thing! All the birds coming and resting under the shadow and the shade of that tree. Another beautiful picture of “under.”

What about when the children of Israel were in the wilderness? The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 10:1 that they came through “under the cloud.” God put a cloud above them every day to protect them from the heat of the sun. All those words are hupo, the same word that’s mentioned in submission. It is such a beautiful word, to come under that covering. But we have gone over our time so will you pray a blessing upon all the marriages and families, Darling?

Colin: We certainly do.

“We bless all those that are hearing about their marriages. We pray that they shall be strong marriages, that they shall bring glory and honor to You. You will keep them strong and steadfast and committed to one another. These beautiful teachings that we’ve been sharing today come from You.

“Lord, all these things bring glory to Your Name, and bring happiness and contentment and joy in families. So, bless these dear ones as they try to seek You and seek Your face, that all this will happen in their lives. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.”

Blessings from Nancy Campbell

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LIFE TO THE FULL w/ Nancy Campbell

EPISODE 260: It’s Time to Elevate Home and Family, Part 3

My husband, Colin and I talk about elevating the roles of male and female. God determines the sex of male and female from conception and it cannot be changed. Even after people are dead, they can still determine the sex by analyzing the bones. It's time to honor the roles that God ordained in the beginning.

Announcer: Welcome to the podcast, Life to The Full, with Nancy Campbell, founder and publisher of Above Rubies.

Nancy Campbell: Hello, everyone listening today! We are continuing our series about elevating home and family. This is something that, I guess, years ago we wouldn’t even need to be talking about. Everybody took it for granted, but now we are living in a delusional age. I believe it is time for us to once again elevate family, home, motherhood, fatherhood, and everything about the family back to where God put it in the very beginning.

This is our third podcast, and once again, my husband is with me today, my husband, Colin. It’s great to have him with me as we talk about family together. I think it would be good today to start off elevating the roles of male and female. That’s the very first thing that God spoke about in the very beginning when He created man. He created them male and female, “in the image of God created He them.”

And God only created two genders, male and female. He created two for the procreating of the human race. There needs to be the male and the female to continue the procreation of mankind. This can’t happen with any of the other genders. They are all false. They are all deceptive. Therefore, it is important for us to talk about these things, and to elevate them, to put value on them where God put value on them. Also, to pass this on to our children. Our children live in this deceived age, and they must know the truth.

OK, Darling, what have you got to say to start off?

Colin: Well, I agree. It seems like it’s a necessary subject to be talking about, because it’s being so degraded, the subject of the sexes and where they really have their place in today’s society. It’s so important. I do believe that we need to embrace the way which God has created us, male and female.

I think the word “embrace” is very, very important. It means, “to take hold, to put your arms around it, to honor it, and to exalt it, and to elevate it.” The elevation of these things will bless the families. Embracing is something that you will hold very close to your heart. It’s something you will really take on.

I do think that this is very necessary to teach our children, not just to know the truth, but to embrace it on this matter—that there is masculine and there is feminine. That’s the way I feel about it. I think it’s so important to embrace the way God has sovereignly created us to be.

Nancy: Of course, we all understand that females have an XX pair of sex chromosomes and males have an XY. That’s it. In fact, science reveals so many studies of how male and female are so different from one another, how God created us uniquely different. They differ in every cell of their body because they carry a different chromosomal pattern. Did you know there are 6,500 different genes between male and female? Scientists have even discovered approximately 100 gender differences, even in the brain!

Now we have very deceived people today, trying to get (especially this younger generation) to move to the opposite sex! It is all masterminded by Satan who hates God’s creation and wants to totally destroy it. Now they’re trying to use chemical blockers and even do surgery. But they can’t change who that person is. Their gender differences are not only in their genitalia but in their brains! Goodness me! In every part of their body.

They can try and change one little part, but that doesn’t change the rest of their body. They will never ever be able to do that. In fact, even after they’re dead, they can dig up the bones, and they can still determine the sex of male and female by analyzing the bones! They are in such deception.

We need to remind our children of these things. It is so important for us, firstly for us, because we are the example that we reveal absolutely in every way who we are, as male and female. We, I’m speaking from a female, we as women, as mothers, as females, we must embrace in every way who we are as a female. We must embrace our femininity, show it to our family, show it to the world. We do it in every way, the way we embrace the way God has created us.

Of course, we are created so differently from males. The most distinguishing characteristics that we have physically is that we have a womb, and we have breasts. A male cannot carry a baby in the womb. He cannot nurse a baby. This is distinctive to a woman. Not only are we created physically this way, but it is innately, transcendentally, within us.

When God gave us a womb, He not only gave the womb physically, but He gave it to us innately. There is a wombness within us that longs after children, that longs to have a baby. That is within every woman. Of course, there are hundreds and thousands of women today who don’t want to be pregnant because it’s been brainwashed out of them. Their brains have been totally propagandized. But if all that junk is taken out of them and they get down to the very core of who they are, they will long for a baby.

Actually, I was just reading this morning something interesting. Can you, Rachel, go and get me . . . there are a couple of books on the table. I didn’t bring them here with me and I’d like to read something really quite interesting.

But we have to embrace who we are. We have to be female, feminine in the way we speak, the way we act, the things we do, even the way we dress.

Yes, I believe in this time in society, that the way we dress is very, very important. I believe that, sadly, we as women, have become the ones to unisex this society. Back years and years ago, when women first started wearing pants, it wasn’t the men who started wearing dresses. No! When men do this today, we are horrified!

When woman started wearing pants, people were horrified back then! But gradually, little by little, it became the vogue, and now it’s the norm. We’ve become a unisex society. What are we doing when we’re doing this? We are not showing forth who we really are as female. Therefore, we stand very guilty for helping along what is happening in our society today.

I believe it’s time for change. I believe if we are really elevating the role of female, we will want to reveal this in every single way of how we live. That will include the way we dress because it’s a big way of how we live.

Every morning, we get up in the morning, and we’ve got to get dressed. OK? What are we going to show to our families? How do we . . . what are we portraying? When we get up and we get dressed in our holey jeans, and we come out, we’re showing to our sons, “OK, that’s how women dress.”

We’re showing to our daughters, “That’s the way you’re to dress.” Is it really very female? Is it feminine? No, it’s not. It’s unisex. It’s just becoming looking like the men. What are we trying to do? We are distinct, we are different, we are unique! I believe that we glorify God when we show this uniqueness. Now, let me see if I can find this.

Colin: While you’re looking there . . .

Nancy: Oh, yes! You say something, Darling.

Colin: Looking for that, the quotes in the book that you have there . . .

It was entirely, we didn’t have any say in the matter of what gender we were created to be, male or female. This was entirely the sovereignty of God. He is our Creator, and as such we should honor Him, and not be negative, or disrespectful, or questioning Him. We should honor that He has made us the way we are.

Romans 9:20 gives a good word here. It says: “Who art thou that thou repliest against God? Shall the thing formed say to Him that formed it, ‘Why have You made me so?’” It’s very dishonorable to God to do this. I think, as far as the dresses are concerned, in what you’re saying. I think that most women would be horrified if men started wearing dresses.

Nancy: Which they are starting to now.

Colin: I think we men would be revolted in that too, to see other men wearing dresses. But because we’ve become so used to the society having been changed for some time, relating to the women wearing men’s clothes, that women more and more are becoming into the man’s style, even with their haircuts in many ways. They’re closely shaving their heads. Much of that is going in that unisex way. What God really wants is there to be a distinction, a strong distinction, so that we don’t get mired in this whole thing of female and masculinity.

Nancy: Yes! Actually, you’re saying that. What I was saying before, our example even, before our children, they’re the ones going out into society. I was reading a statement from a man, Timothy Paul Jones. He writes, “The clothes that our children wear do not merely cover the nakedness of their flesh. They shape and reflect the contours of our children’s souls.”

So, when we, as an example, say, “Well, this is what you wear,” that’s what they wear. In fact, today, when mothers go to buy clothes for their children, what do they buy? Well, they buy their jeans and their tops because that’s what’s in the shops. So, we are teaching our children right from the very beginning of their lives, this is how you clothe yourself. It’s not showing them how to be female or feminine.

We’ve got to wake up, mothers, to really see what we are doing.

But back to these little quotes. I just read this morning, and it was talking about citing some feminist women. It’s in the book called Feminine by Design, by John Garr. It talks about a feminist newswoman, Virginia Hausegger. She was sharing how she readily admitted her own former militancy.

She says, “In my mid-thirties, I heard Malcolm Turnbull pontificate about the need to encourage Australians to marry younger and have more children. I would have thumped him, kneed him in the groin, and bawled him out! But now,” she confesses, and this is her own quote, that she is “childless and angry. Angry that I was so foolish to take the word of my feminist mothers as gospel. Angry enough that I was docile enough to believe female fulfillment came with a leather briefcase.”

Then it talks about Germaine Greer. We all know her as one of the leading and foremost feminists of the feminist movement, how she used to talk about childbearing as “constricting and suffocating, the enemy of liberated women.” But thirty years later, she was, and here is her quote, “desperate for a baby.” Mourning her unborn babies, and having pregnancy dreams, waiting with vast joy and confidence for something that now will no longer ever happen.

She says again, in her own quote, “the most intolerable regret of her life.” Isn’t it so sad that today we not only have the feminist agenda, wooing women and our young women away from their role that God has for them, but now, even into transgenderism. Everything to take away their femaleness, their femininity.

But Darling, you have . . .

Colin: On the other hand, there also is encouraging young people, many, to be like women. These drag queens, many of them are men dressed up as women, teaching in the public libraries throughout this country. It’s so sad. It’s terrible, confusing the young children, teaching them with little story books and stuff like that. It’s deceiving the children in their minds. They’re thinking, “Well, maybe I should be a woman too!” A lot of boys could be thinking that, and I think they are.

Nancy: Yes, I know. It is time to stand up, even against that too. And you mentioned that Scripture, Romans 9, but there are a few Scriptures in the Old Testament that speak that very same word. I think it would be good for us to listen to them again.

Isaiah 29:16 (ESV): “You turn things upside down. Shall the potter be regarded as the clay, THAT the thing made should say of its maker, ‘He did not make me.” Or the thing formed say of him who formed him, ‘He has no understanding’”?

This Scripture is saying what we are seeing today. Everything is turned upside down. How dare we, who are the clay, say to our Potter, “why did You make me like this?” God created us. He created us perfectly.

Let’s read. There are some more Scriptures too. Isaiah 45:9: “Woe,” it starts with “woe.” W-O-E. “Woe unto him that striveth with his Maker! Let the potsherd strive with the potsherds of the earth. Shall the clay say to him that fashioneth it, What makest thou? or thy work, He hath no hands?” Next verse: “Woe.” “Woe” again. “Woe unto him that saith unto his father, what begettest thou? or to the woman, What hast thou brought forth?”

In other words, we are not to question who God creates, and we’re not to question Him when He creates male or female, because at the very beginning of conception, God determines the sex of male or female. We better not question that.

Let’s go to Psalms 100:3: “Know ye that the LORD He is God: it is He that hath made us, and not we ourselves; we are His people, and the sheep of His pasture.” God is our Creator, not we. And woe to those who begin to tempt us, and destroy God’s creation, in seeking to change them into another sex, which they cannot do. But they try, and all they do is destroy that precious life.

What has happened to many of our young people today is the destruction of their lives. They are young. They have no idea of the future. They haven’t yet come into puberty, and all the beginning of the wonder of their sexuality. But they will not be able to enjoy it. They will not ever be able to fulfill it because their bodies are being destroyed already.

Let’s go to Psalm 119:73: “Thy hands have made me and fashioned me: give me understanding, that I may learn Thy commandments.”

And then, can I read one more? Psalm 139, that glorious Scripture of how God creates the baby in the womb.

From verse 13: “For You formed my inmost being.” Isn’t that interesting? See, God not only creates the physical. He creates the inmost being, even the heart and the mind, that inner part. He has created all of that. “You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Marvelous are your works, and I know this very well. My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in secret, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days were written in Your book and ordained for me before one of them came to be.” Isn’t that incredible? God is the Creator. He knows what He is doing.

Let’s look at one or two of those words there. Oh yes, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” That word “wonderfully” is palah. P-A-L-A-H. Then it goes on to say, “Marvelous are your works, and I know this very well.” “Marvelous” is also pala, but it’s P-A-L-A.

There were two Hebrew words used there, both very, very similar in meaning. Pala means, oh, it’s incredible! It means “wonderful, marvelous, miraculous, astonishing, extraordinary, beyond the bounds of human powers or expectations.” This is what God was doing when He created you and me, each one of our precious children, and everyone in this world. He was creating a miracle!

Also, the word pala has in its meaning, very powerfully, the meaning of “separated, severed, distinguished.” That’s interesting, because at the very beginning of conception, God distinguished, He separated this creation, male or female. He made the distinction in the very beginning. And how dare any man, any doctor, or man or woman doctor, interfere with this incredible, astonishing, miraculous creation?

Colin: Yes. It really is concerning. That’s why we’re emphasizing all this today. Even the New World Order that is trying to be brought in right now is a unisex order. There will be no distinction between men and women. Everybody will be exactly the same. They want us to be that way. That kind of wickedness is highly promoted, even in the very leadership of the World Economic Forum, for example. It’s just so very, very sad that this is what is being pushed down, rammed down our throats by all sorts of people in leadership.

Nancy: Yes! And they are a minority and yet they are taking the authority and laying down the laws. It’s time we began to speak up!

Colin: Yeah, I think that it’s very, very important for fathers to really encourage their daughters to be who they are, and not for the daughter to feel that the father is putting more emphasis on their sons or their brothers. Their fathers should also be very, very encouraging to their daughters, to tell them how much they appreciate the fact of their femaleness. I think that this is so important that girls need to know that they are honored for being girls, and sons that they are being sons.

Nancy: Yes, we have to promote those distinctions in our children. We want to, as mothers, we have to constantly encourage our daughters to be female. I’m amazed that parents will encourage their daughters into fields as they’re going on in their education. They send them off to college, and they send them off to be engineers, and all this kind of thing.

You see so many women going into the military. I do not believe the military is the place for women! It’s not where God ever intended them to be. He intends the men to go out and fight and protect. The men are the protectors of their homes. They’re the protectors of the nation. They go out to fight the battle. We hold down the fort in the home.

It is so sad. I remember one time I was at the airport with my daughters and others. We had just been to an Above Rubies retreat. Now we were flying home, waiting for our plane. There was a woman, and she was sobbing on her seat. Of course, we were all concerned for her. Then we looked and we noticed beside her was a military bag.

Serene actually went up to her and said, “Tell me what’s happening.” She said, “I have just been sent out. I’ve got to go out for a year’s deployment. But I’m having to leave my little baby and my toddler.” She said, “I pleaded with them that I could not go. And there were others with me who were single. They were ready to go. They said they would take my place. But they took no notice.” And here this woman was having to leave her little ones. That is totally, absolutely horrific, and absolutely wrong. No military should ever allow that.

Colin: Both for the mother, and for the baby.

Nancy: Oh, for both! It is so wrong! It’s not what we’re meant to do. Why are we even pushing our children into these fields? We are to train them for the fields where God wants them to be.

And our sons, we should be seeking to make them as masculine as possible! I’m so tired of seeing so many wimpy young men around these days! They are very wimpy!

In fact, they don’t even know how to work hard. They don’t even seem to have a work ethic, even in their bodies. They’ve never even done hard work. And when you give them a job, goodness me, I just want to take over from them, because I can work so much harder than them!

Colin: Yes, I agree. They hardly know what to do! I think we’re living in that time where oftentimes it’s to cover a lack of parenting. Encouraging sons to be masculine. I think girls will want to get married to a masculine man, a man who knows how to work, a man who knows how to roll up his sleeves and “get stuck in.” Somebody who will show initiative in work and initiative in so many other areas of that kind of leadership that God has given to men.

To be the protectors of the female species, to protect them because they’re stronger, masculine—not necessarily brain wise but masculine-wise in physique, they’re stronger. I personally myself, I love, and I think it’s innately built into man to love femininity in women, to love their femininity, to love to see them dressing up as women and not as men. Can you create dresses that are masculine? I don’t think so, really.

To say, “Well, our pants are feminine,” well, it may be to a certain extent. But I do think that God wants there to be a real, real distinction. I think men appreciate, generally, deep down, they appreciate the feminine species of humanity and love it. They want to see it. I personally don’t like to see my wife walking around looking like a man. If she’s even out in the garden, to me it’s not, even though she does. [laughter]

Nancy: He doesn’t like looking at me in the garden. [laughter]

Colin: I don’t really appreciate it!

Nancy: Because when I’m in the garden . . .

Colin: Because I’m a man! I like to see a woman looking like a woman! All the way.

Nancy: I know. But you have to put up with me in the garden. [laughter]

Colin: I think God has shaped the woman differently than the way He shaped the man. I don’t think she looks really feminine at all when she dresses up like a man.

Nancy: Yes. You know, talking about our young men, of course we need masculine husbands and fathers who will be able to teach them. A while back, we had a young guy staying with us. He was in his mid-twenties. Because they were from overseas, I loaned them my car. We got a call one night to say, “Oh, I’m up here in the city and I’ve got a flat tire! But I don’t know how to change it. Can you come?” Really!

Colin: I can’t believe it!

Nancy: No. It’s time that young men were taught how to do these things.

Colin: How to swing an axe, how to use a hammer, how to change a tire, how to carry the rubbish out, how to bury it, how to do whatever.

Nancy: How to dig the garden.

Colin: All those masculine tasks surrounding us. Hundreds of them that need to be performed really should be performed by the man.

Nancy: And also, I noticed here in Matthew, go over to the New Testament. I love this passage. Matthew 19. It’s where the Pharisees came to Jesus, and they were tempting Him, “saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife,” meaning to divorce his wife. “And He answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that He which made them at the beginning made them male and female?” And He repeated the very first word about the creation of man back in Genesis 1:27.

But when we see these words here in the Hebrew, back in Genesis 1, the word for “female” is neqebah. The word for “male” is zakar, both very distinctive words, different from one another, meaning they were opposite from one another. But then we come here to Matthew and this word is written in the Greek.

So, we look up and see what these Greek words are. The word for female is the Greek word thelus. But it comes from the root word thelazo, which literally means “to suckle a baby at the breast.” Or the noun would be “a suckling mother.” That’s the word that Jesus used when He said these words, “Don’t you know that He which made them at the beginning made them male and female?” He uses this very female word, a suckling mother.

This is so much part of femininity, so much part of our femaleness. Of course, a woman is not a suckling mother all her life, but as she comes into motherhood and as she embraces children, she can be . . . if a woman is trusting God for her babies, she can be in her childbearing years for twenty years or so. She is, for that season of her life, a suckling mother.

But even when we’re not suckling babies, we still have that innate, that God-given something within us that longs to nurture.

But it’s interesting. The word “male,” the Greek word for “male,” means “stronger for lifting.” Isn’t that interesting? We know, of course, that men have 50% more brute strength than women.

We are made so differently, so let’s embrace it and lift it up, and value it, and honor it.

Colin: Lift it up.

Nancy: Dear ladies and men listening, hope the men are listening, because my husband is here. Let’s honor the roles that God created. To not honor them is to not honor God.

Colin: That’s right.

Nancy: It is pretty serious. I think it’s more than just accepting, “Oh, yeah, this is it. I’m female. I’m that.” No! We have got to come to that place of honoring those roles, honoring them with all our hearts.

Colin: The more we make it distinct, make it distinctly different, the more we honor that role. I think that needs to be emphasized in raising our children. Do not just do the thing that the world is doing which is really confusing to them.

Nancy: Time is up. Would you like to pray?

Colin:

“Lord, we thank You for the privilege of being who You made us to be. We want to honor You, all of us, for creating us differently, male and female, feminine and masculine. Lord, we give You the glory and we give You the praise. Help every one of us, Lord, to desire within our hearts to be totally distinct from one another, and yet supportive of one another, realizing that we can’t live without the other. We pray for all these things in Jesus’ Name. Amen.”

Nancy: Amen!

Blessings from Nancy Campbell

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LIFE TO THE FULL w/ Nancy Campbell

EPISODE 259: It’s Time to Elevate Home and Family, Part 2

My husband, Colin, is with me again today. We continue talking about God's VALUE on the home and marriage. How can we make our homes a little taste of Heaven on earth? How can we create a pleasant and happy atmosphere? How can we eliminate prickly reactions between husband and wife and amongst the children?

Announcer: Welcome to the podcast, Life to The Full, with Nancy Campbell, founder and publisher of Above Rubies.

Nancy Campbell: Hello! Here I am again! And today, I have my lovely husband with me again, and we’re going to continue talking about elevating the home and the family in our society today. It is time for it to be elevated back to where God placed it. Home, marriage, and family were the very first institutions that God ordained in the very beginning. God hasn’t changed His plans. Family is the way He planned for us to live. He is the One who planned and designed the home.

We talked last week of how God created the first home. He was the first home designer, the first home builder. He prepared that home before He created the mother so that He would have the home ready for her when she began her life in this world.

I think too, of another passage in Jeremiah, Jeremiah 29. This is speaking about the children of Israel, well, actually the Jewish people. Judah was the tribes of Judah and Benjamin who were sent off to Babylon. God had to send them out of the land because of their sin. The ten tribes had already been vomited out of the land.

Now these tribes were sent into Babylon. They were captives in Babylon. They were away from their beloved land of Israel. The word of the Lord comes to them through the prophet Jeremiah. In Jeremiah 29:4, it says: “Thus saith the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel, unto all that are carried away captives, whom I have caused to be carried away from Jerusalem unto Babylon.”

And then comes the message. The Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, was giving this message to His people through Jeremiah. The first thing He says, it’s unbelievable! You would think, “Here they are, captives in Babylon, in this very deceived place, full of confusion, and everything against everything they believed! You would think God would have some great words to give to them!”

And what does He say? The first thing He says: “Build houses, and live in them.” That was the first thing on God’s heart! You see, that was the first thing He did after He created man. And now, when His people are there in Babylon, He says, “I want you to build houses,” because God wants us to live in homes, no matter where we are.

It was as though He was saying, “Look, here you are. You’re captives in Babylon. But that does not change My Word. That does not change My plan. I want you to keep doing what I have told you to do from the beginning. Build houses, and live in them. Yes, live in them.” Houses are meant to be dwelt in, lived in.

We build these beautiful houses, and what happens today? In fact, the more expensive and amazing the house is (and we can go to some areas here in Nashville where some of these housing divisions that are all gated communities. You go in, and there are all the most incredible houses. The smallest would be 10,000 square feet! And yet, it’s in those huge homes where nothing’s happening! They’re vacated all throughout the day. They built this beautiful home, but nobody’s really living in it. They’re just there to bed down for the night).

No, homes are to be lived in.

Colin: They all go out to restaurants.

Nancy: Yes, they’re going out. Yes, because they can afford their beautiful homes. They can afford to go out to restaurants every night for a meal. Here in Franklin and Nashville, wow, there is so much affluence here. On the odd occasion, Colin and I might go out to a restaurant. There’s always such a long wait.

In fact, just last weekend, our grandson Arrow, he said, “Nana and Granddad, I want to take you out for a meal!” Every now and then he will do that. It’s so lovely of him. He loves to get dressed up, and he will get dressed up in his suit and bowtie. He will say to us, “Nana and Granddad, make sure you get dressed up!” He loves us to get dressed up when we go out.

But this time, he left it a bit late to book a restaurant. He booked one, and actually when we realized that it was too far away, we said, “Oh, that’s too far away, Arrow.” He was so busy, trying to suddenly book another one. Eventually, we got into one, waiting about 45 minutes or so. But really, to get into one, you’ve got to book a week ahead. This is Franklin. This is Nashville. Everybody is eating out.

You see, they’re not even in their homes. The home, yes, it’s all right to go out for special occasions, but really, the home is the place for day-to-day eating and sitting around the table. Homes are meant to be lived in. I’m thinking, it’s so sad that homes are an empty place, when they’re meant to be HAPPENING places.

I believe the home is where everything is meant to happen, from birth to death. In fact, the home is a birthing center, a mothering and nurturing center, a training and education center, a praise and worship center, a prayer center, a hospitality center, a counseling center, a health center, an industry center, a garden center, and a convalescent center. And that’s just the beginning of everything that happens in the home! It’s meant to be a HAPPENING place!

But isn’t that interesting, that the first thing God told His people was to build houses and live in them.

And guess what the second thing was! Wow! “Plant gardens, and eat the fruit of them.” So practical! Our God is a practical God. That’s just what we are doing at the moment.

Colin: Right.

Nancy: We are planting our garden. Well, Colin is getting out there and rotary hoeing it all up. We are so late. We’ve been so busy. Oh, we’ve had so much on our plate, and here we are. I usually have my garden in by April. Now it’s May, and we’re just starting. It gets a little more challenging for us each year as we are getting older, and I think even busier. But we know we’ve got to do it, so we’re out there, just making it happen.

Colin: Yeah. Yes, it is a bit of a challenge, truly, but it’s such a joy actually, and such a sense of satisfaction, I find, to see those plants getting put in the ground. My wife plants everything. I get the ground ready for her. When you go back out there again and see what you’ve done, and see those plants growing up, it’s great fun. It’s really good.

Nancy: Yes. I’ve just put in my 100 tomato plants!

Colin: 100 tomato plants!

Nancy: Yes, I always plant never less than 100 “To-mah-toes.” That’s our pronunciation. I know you say “to-may-toe,” ha. But not one tomato is ever wasted, because, of course, there’s family and friends around. Also, every single tomato that’s left over, I will either preserve or freeze.

I usually do it very simply. I usually just whiz them all up into a puree, just a tomato puree. Some I will freeze. Others I will preserve in jars. It’s there for the winter. I’m constantly using them every week, in foods, in casseroles, and it’s just so wonderful to have. But I’ve got those in. Now I’ve got loads more to plant yet. If we weren’t doing this podcast, we would be out in the garden!

Colin: We’ll probably get some time even yet, today.

Nancy: Yes, we’ll have to get out there again today sometime. Of course, that’s another reason why I hadn’t got out. I was so busy, with my head down to the ground, preparing the new magazine. When I’m doing that, that takes a lot of time. I have to put my head down, and I can’t do anything else.

But it’s interesting there, those were the first two things God said. He told them seven things. The third one was to take wives and beget sons and daughters. Have children. The fourth thing was to, OK, when those children grow, give your daughters to husbands, and take wives for your sons. Wow! That’s pretty proactive, isn’t it? Have grandchildren!

Today, it seems that parents with grown children don’t even seem to be caring about the next generation. We’re meant to be proactive! We’re meant to be giving our daughters to sons, and taking sons for our daughters so that we will have grandchildren! This is God’s heart! And He said this word to them when they were captives! They weren’t living free in their beloved land! But no, God never changes His plans, no matter what our circumstances.

Then the fifth thing was: “Do not diminish.” Oh, God never wants His people to diminish. He wants them to flourish, to increase, and to multiply.

Number six, He said, I want you to pray for the city in which you live. That’s another command. Do you do that?

And the seventh was, don’t be deceived. It’s interesting. He didn’t say, “Don’t be deceived by the Babylonians.” Well, they’d sure get deceived if they abided by their society. But He knew they would not be tempted, really. It was so foreign to them. But He said, “Don’t be deceived by the prophets that are in the midst of you.”

Yes, often we have to watch even what we’re being preached at church. Is it truly from the Word of God? There are so many churches today, and pastors, who would advocate limiting the family of God. That’s coming from the very heart of the church and it’s totally against God’s Word. In fact, against the very first word He gave to man when He created them: “Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth, subdue and take dominion.” This was God’s word, and His commission from the very beginning!

Colin: We are, as Christians, as believers in the Word of God, we really need to come back to this truth, because perhaps the unbelievers, the people who don’t believe in the Word of God and have very little understanding of it, have no foundation for their mindset relating to this. But even then, it’s very, very important for us, as Christians, to come back to this amazing truth. Why should a mother be at home when she’s got nobody to look after?

Nancy: I know.

Colin: The one or two children, and then they grow up so quickly. Then she’s out in the workforce again. But I think it’s a wonderful thing to have the rapport and the blessing. Every little baby that comes in has the potential to grow up and to be another contributor to the discussion, the fellowship, the growing up together, encouraging one another. Somebody else that we can spend on our love on, and care for one another.

It’s all this one-anothering thing, and it happens, not just for the church where all the families get together, but in our own homes. They’re like smaller churches in a sense, right there in your own home. Fellowship is incredible. Very important.

Nancy: Yes. There is the lifestyle of family life. I think that is missing in many homes today where the homes are empty during the day. Many times, they’ll be going out to eat. They have lost the sense of family-togethering lifestyles.

Colin: And to add to that too, if you’re sending your children off to school, they get used to just being with their friends and the people of their same age. But it’s a wonderful thing, as we’re now grandparents and great-grandparents, where we can have the joy of being able to relate to children that have been brought up in their homes and they have no problem in relating to adults.

We can have great fun and great rapport with one another, great fellowship with one another. It doesn’t matter whether they’re young, or whether they’re teenagers, or wherever they are . . . they’re still very, very interested and happy to talk to us because of the way they were brought up in that environment.

A TOGETHERING FAMILY

Nancy: Oh, yes. And I think, talking about the home, we should talk more about the atmosphere of the home. Because we, as the parents, we are building the home. The home, I’m not talking about the structure, I’m talking about the family-ness of the home. We have to build that. We’ve got to make family togetherness happen. I think this is something that is very important.

As a mother, even as a father, we are thinking about how can we make this family a togethering family? I think a very good thing to have is to ask this question about every decision that we are making in our family life. We’re making decisions all the time, little ones, bigger ones, so it doesn’t matter whether it’s a little one, or a big one.

We should ask ourselves this question: is what we are going to do, or what we are currently doing, is it strengthening the family? Is it keeping us together? Or is it fragmenting the family? Is this thing we’re thinking about doing, is it going to fragment the family? If it’s going to fragment the family, it’s the wrong decision. Don’t do it! If it’s going to strengthen the family, if it’s going to bring us closer together and cement us together, OK, do it! That’s a simple question which will help us to really make strong families.

Colin: But coming back to the whole thing of creating an atmosphere in your family home, it’s so important, I believe, I think it’s really good for husbands and wives to be very much in love with each other, and to be encouraging one another, and to let the children know, that the children without a shadow of a doubt, do not have to question, do Mom and Dad really love each other?

Because they can see it. They can feel it. They’re living with it. They’re living with endearing conversations. They hear Mom and Dad talking to each other, and laughing together, and having fun together, and rejoicing together. It’s such a security for the children. I think it’s very imperative that children grow up in the midst of that. I put out an article. Can I share about that article a little bit?

Nancy: Oh, yes! That’s true. Well, actually, in preparing this current magazine that’s now with the design artist, I asked my husband if he would write this article, because when we were at the Above Rubies Retreat down in Panama, he spoke about this one night. He spoke about hedgehogs.

Now, in America, a lot of people are not familiar with hedgehogs because they’re not native to America. They are native, well, no, they’re not even native to New Zealand, where we come from, but we have loads of hedgehogs down there, because they were brought in. They are native to Europe, and other countries, but although they’re not native to us in New Zealand, we would often see hedgehogs around. So, you tell everybody about them, Darling.

Colin: Yes, well, they’re cute creatures, really. They’re nocturnal, but you do see them sometimes during the day.

Nancy: Yes, we’d often see them around.

Colin: They’re not very big, probably, I don’t know just how to describe it. They’re probably about one or two pounds in weight, maybe three pounds. But they’re interesting creatures because when you threaten them, or they feel danger around, they roll themselves up into a little ball, a ball, I would suppose about half the size of a football. Then they poke out their spines, which become very, very bristly.

Nancy: They’ve got spines over them, but when they feel threatened, then they roll into the ball, and they all stick out, all in a ball of 5,000 to 7,000 spines!

Colin: Yes, 5,000 to 7,000! It’s hard to believe that, but it’s true.

Nancy: And so quickly! No one can touch them!

Colin: You can be tempted to pick them up, thinking that they could be soft. But they’re not!

Nancy: They’re sharp!

Colin: They’re sharp! Boy, you’d get yourself damaged. You’ve got to be careful around hedgehogs.

Nancy: My husband says, “Oh, are you being a hedgehog in your home?”

Colin: There was lady who came and visited us and spoke to me during our lunch break, or something like that. She said, “My husband and I are Mr. and Mrs. Hedgehog. Can you give us some counsel?” So, we did.

I pray that the hedgehog spirit will be gone from that home, because it’s terrible when children are being brought up amongst parents that are Mr. and Mrs. Hedgehog. They’re pricking each other all the time instead of giving endearing words, and endearing attitudes that are loving moods. They have this antagonistic attitude toward each other, always putting each other down, and always sparking at each other.

It’s not good for the family to be brought up in that environment at all. In fact, it will create a whole home of hedgehogs. As I said in the article, I would not like to be in that home! I don’t want to be married to a hedgehog, and I’m sure my wife wouldn’t want me to be a hedgehog.

Nancy: It’s interesting that some people even like to have pet hedgehogs. I don’t think I’d like to have a hedgehog as a pet.

Colin: No.

Nancy: But the interesting thing is that many marriages, and many husbands and wives and fathers and mothers, they actually make a pet of the hedgehog spirit. They make it their pet, because that’s how they react.

Often a husband can say something sort of nasty, and therefore immediately, if you have that hedgehog spirit, you’ll roll up into your ball, and all your sharp reactions will come sparking out! That’s so natural, actually. That’s what we do in the flesh, isn’t it? I think to begin to create a beautiful atmosphere in our marriage, in our homes, the biggest thing is learning not to give into that flesh, that natural fleshly reaction, but to yield to the Holy Spirit.

Colin: Yes, I wrote in this article, I said, “The hedgehog nature is probably one of the main reasons why so many marriages are destroyed and families break up. No one should feel they have to walk around their spouse on eggshells. Just one wrong word, and it’s another world war. May God have mercy on us! This is insane!”

That’s true. Where has the new nature that Christ has given us gone? We have a new nature living within us. That’s the most important aspect of what I was writing in this article. Most Christians would say, “I would never deny Christ, not even if I was placed before a firing squad!” And yet in everyday lives, they lock up the new nature, or the new nature is not available.

It’s there. We’ve invited Jesus Christ to come into our lives, but we deny Him from one another. I think that’s tragic, and it’s very serious. Jesus said that if you deny Me before man, or deny Me before your family, you are denying Him. He said: “I will deny you before My Father which is in heaven” (Matthew 10:33).

We might take it to being our witness to the world, but what about our witness to our family, and to our spouses? We must not be denying Christ. We need to come to this understanding that we have to, it’s important, for the sake of the family, for the sake of our marriages, and for the joy in the atmosphere of the home, to have the home the place of a love experience.

Having a meal together is a love experience. Just being together as a loving family, and letting the new nature . . . we need to pray that God’s new nature will be manifested in our daily lives, and become part of the family atmosphere. Otherwise, we’re denying Him.

Nancy: Yes. But how do we do this? I think it’s something we learn to do. Of course, we have to have understanding first, that this is the truth of “Christ in you, the hope of glory” (Colossians 1:27).When we are born again, we receive the new nature, the Christ-nature. That old nature is still there, and we can yield to that, or we can yield to the new nature, to the life of Jesus that dwells in us, that life which is love, kindness, sweetness, everything that is of Christ.

But it’s learning to yield, and I think it’s something that becomes a habit. Often you blow it so many times, but by God’s grace, and you’re praying about it, and you seek to yield to that new nature, to the life of Christ that lives within you, it becomes more and more a habit of your life. It becomes more your lifestyle. It becomes more habitual. But you’ve got to begin to do that. You’ve got to stop this yielding to this old nature, because it’s ugly, and it’s horrible. It brings such a terrible spirit into the home.

Colin: It could actually happen even while you’re going to church. You’re going to church to worship God, but on the way to church, arguing with each other. The children are hearing it. It’s become so much a problem in the home, and then it goes off into everything that we’re doing together. We’re arguing.

It’s the old nature that needs to be crucified with Christ. We have to pause, I think, before we respond to something whereby we would normally respond in a prickly way, or a piercing way. We need to take stock of where we’re going here. The Scripture says in Proverbs 15:1: “A soft answer turns away wrath.” But a harsh word, a harsh comeback even, will stir up more anger, will stir up anger, and how true that is!

That’s the old nature, that angry thing, or that thing which is going to create a little more argument. We have to pause before we respond, and say, “Is this going to help, or this going to make matters worse?” We have to weigh what we’re thinking we’re going to retort with. We must bring forth a spirit of . . . We’ve got used to doing this, and we have to break the habit. Because it becomes a habit in the home. It is so sad. Even in Christian homes, I think it’s probably just as bad as the world!

Nancy: Yes. And everything becomes a habit. Often, it’s just because we do not know the truth.

Galatians 2:20. I learned this Scripture as a child. The truth is so powerful. “I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless, I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.”

The truth is that my old man has been crucified with Christ. It’s dead. I’ve got to see it as dead, and look upon it as dead, and act upon it as dead. So, when I am tempted to roll up into a ball and shoot out those hedgehog sharp reactions, I have to realize, I’m dead to that. I’m dead to that. And I yield to Christ.

“Thank You, Lord Jesus, that You dwell in me. Thank You for Your life. Thank You for Your love. Thank You for Your sweetness. Thank You, Lord, for Your words that I can pour out.” We yield to Christ, Who dwells within us. Amen!

Colin: You’d think sometimes why people want to get out of the home. It’s because there is so much argument going on. There are so many nasty words getting spoken, and a lot of children also want to leave home.

Nancy: But it starts with husband and wife.

Colin: Yes.

Nancy: It starts with us.

Colin: Both the husband and the wife. I heard you saying this morning to somebody on the phone, how you said “a soft answer breaks the bones”. There was a young, in this particular situation, there was this hard rock that was in this man, this husband. The lady that my dear wife was talking to was encouraging her to speak softly back to him.

You know, it can be a bone or a rock within a wife, too. It can be in both, in fact, but a soft answer . . . We have to learn to speak softly, and create peace. Peace is not just something that happens without it being created. “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God.”

Nancy: Nothing just happens. We can build the home that we want to have. We can create the marriage we want to have. We can make the family like we dream of. Or, by the way we speak, or the way we react. It comes down to our words.

I think everything on this earth is a type of the heavenly. When we read about the tabernacle in the wilderness, it was all built according to the pattern of the heavenly, the heavenly sanctuary that is right there now in the heavenly realm.

When Jesus was here, His disciples asked him, “How shall we pray?” We all know the Lord’s Prayer, but part of that prayer, Jesus said: “Pray Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth as it is in heaven.”

AS IN HEAVEN, SO IN EARTH

I like the translation in Luke 11:2: “Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, as in heaven, so in earth.” Very simple. “As in heaven, so in earth.” God literally wants us to have a heavenly atmosphere in our homes, just as it is in Heaven. He wants it on earth, and if we have Christ dwelling in us, it should be happening in our homes. Christian homes, and all homes, should be filled with the           presence of God, because we have Christ dwelling in us.

Colin: This is the very whole understanding of the new birth. We’ve been born again. What is that new birth? The new birth is the new nature that’s been born, birthed into us. Let’s stop saying we’re born again if we’re just living in the old nature. That’s not part of the new nature. We have to let the new nature be manifested in us. It’s so important for each and every one.

I notice here how it says: “A soft tongue breaks the bones,” but it also, in Proverbs 31:26, it says, “In her tongue,” it’s in the tongue of the wife, the tongue of wisdom. In her tongue. I think it’s the Proverbs 31 woman, isn’t it?

Nancy: The tongue of the wife.                                   

Colin: “In her tongue is the law of kindness.” The law of kindness is a law. It’s part of the new nature. It’s the law of the nature of Christ in us. We’ve been born again for this purpose. There’s no excuse for us. That’s why we need to be born again. Without the new birth, some of us can be naturally kinder than others, but that kindness wears thin so often when the trials and the storms come along, because we’re not able to meet that.

We get to the end of our own resources, a certain loving side of the old nature, perhaps. It can wear out and get thin very quickly. And then we resort to this old nature. The honeymoon’s over, and then things begin to go wrong. This is why we need to have  . . . we noticed when we were speaking to Mr. and Mrs. Hedgehog . . . the husband was serving us lunch. It was a good time we had together. It was a wonderful time but I sense with the children, there was a gap. There were a few distances there. It's just a natural thing, I think, when we are being Mr. and Mrs. Hedgehog in our home, our children will be, I don’t know. They’ll be a little scary. They’ll be frustrated, and they’ll tend to be a little bit more argumentative and self-willed and out of control. This kind of thing can happen. I think it does happen. It will happen.

Nancy: Time is up, but just before we close, maybe you could tell the story of your own upbringing, and how, although you had the most wonderful father . . .

Colin: My father and mother were wonderful people. I loved my dad. However, there was a time when, every now and then . . . most days he was a very sanguine-type personality. A lot of laughter.

But it was an amazing thing, because I guess it was part of his upbringing, perhaps. His mother had died early in life. It was a sad situation. He was left basically to be brought up by his older sisters. He had a great-grandmother, of course, who was a blessing to him. My dear old uncle, my Uncle Charlie, who was his uncle too, he was in the home. Dad was related to that old pipe-smoking uncle who never got married.

But the thing about it was that dad would get into these moods from time to time. Something would trigger it. Something would happen and it was so hard to live with. I used to feel so sorry for my mother. In fact, he wouldn’t retort very much when he was in that mood. He was silent. The mood was a lie. You could feel it. It was a death experience. The whole family would feel it, and it was a hard thing for Mom to have to put up with. Moods sometimes are louder than words and that’s all to do with that old nature.

Nancy: Yes. When we were raising our children, that was something that was very important to us, to never allow our children to continue in their moods, or to get away to pout and get in a foul mood. We would never, ever allow it. Because if you allow that, that grows up with them. They take it into their marriage and it will spoil that marriage.

I am so blessed to say that our children grew up and they did not have moods. They were disciplined. They do not have moods today. Not one in our family ever, ever has a mood. But the thing is, we as parents are responsible to guide our children’s behavior, to deal with those things when they are young. One word about that, and I think it’s getting time to close. Do you want to say something about that?

YOUR NEW NATURE IS MORE THAN SUFFICIENT TO OVERCOME

Colin: Well, I think it’s a very, very great and wonderful atmosphere. Our home should be a home of good moods. There’s no excuse for bad moods. No excuses at all. We’ve been born again. No matter what the trial, no matter what the problem, no matter what difficulties we’re going through, we have a new nature that is more than sufficient to overcome that trial and overcome the difficulties that you, who are listening today, might be going through. There’s no excuse. Let’s get into the new nature!

Nancy: Of course, that new nature is filled with love and forgiveness. There’s no need to carry on with a big mood of hurt or bitterness. We cannot allow those things to just carry on. We must deal with them.

Colin: I find, especially as I’m getting older, that a lot of people can use this, “I’m getting older.” They get grouchy, and they get more negative towards people. That is also inexcusable.

Nancy: Well, Darling, I think you get sweeter as the days goes by. [laughter]

Colin: And you do too! [laughter]

Nancy: Can you pray, and pray for these precious families?

Colin:

“Lord, we come before You at the end of this podcast. We pray for all the listeners, and we pray that, oh Lord, the realization that You are living in us, the new creation that is so gracious. They wondered at the gracious words that proceeded out of Your mouth.

“And Lord, we pray that, oh God, that that gracious spirit shall be in all of us who are born again, and it shall be released, and that we will begin to discover these wonderful riches, the riches that you can’t equate with dollars. It’s all to do with the blessings of the things that create an amazing atmosphere in each one of our lives. So, people will come in contact with us, and want to be with us, because they feel and sense that life-giving spirit in each and every one of us. Grant it to all these listeners, and to all of us in our families. In Jesus’s Name, amen.”

Nancy: Amen.

Blessings from Nancy Campbell

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Transcribed by Darlene Norris * This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.