Above Rubies Daily Encouragement Blogs

20. Keep yourself physically clean, tidy, and in good shape.

Most men, when seeking to court a lady in view of marriage, will take stock of their appearance in order to make the most of what God has given them. They will shower, spruce up their hair, put on a clean shirt and pants, pull themselves up to their full height, and put on all the graces they can master. They do this to win the "love of their life" and hope she will accept him as her man.

It seems sad to me that once he has won her affections and the wedding is over that he begins to gradually let the standards of grace slip. In a way, he has given her a false impression. It was all just "a put on" to get her.

I believe that all husbands should clean up and tidy up their appearance for the evening meal. Your wife will notice that you still seek to honor her as your wife and lover. You should still count it as a privilege to sit with her and your family for the evening--looking, smelling, and acting your best, or at least close to your best.

As the years go by, do your best to keep yourself trim, not only for your own sake, but for the sake of your wife and family. Do not allow yourself to be scruffy and unkempt for the rest of your life.

Start today.

Be encouraged. Colin

19. Keep yourself spiritually and mentally clean.

Men, in order to encourage our wives to be homekeeping, homeschooling mothers, they need to have a husband through whom Christ's light shines as brightly as possible.

Just as all creation needs the light of the sun to survive, so does your wife and family. They need all forms of darkness cut off so they also will not only survive, but will actually thrive.

If the head of the home is infected by some form of darkness, be it pornography or some unclean habit of lust, it will have a negative impact upon the wife and family. Remember, you can't keep darkness to yourself alone. It will affect the atmosphere of your home, as well as all your family.

Light brings encouragement when the storms of darkness are raging around us.

The Scripture admonishes us to not walk in darkness (John 12:35; Romans 13:12; Ephesians 5:11; 1 John 1:5-7).

Jesus said, "Ye are the light of the world" (Matthew 5:14-16). In order to light up the world, we must start first with the world around us-- our wife and family.

Be encouraged. Colin

18. Bless your wife by taking the lead in conducting Family Devotions with the family.

Men, I truly believe that God will bless the homes where families gather together at appropriate daily times for reading the Scriptures, prayer, and singing and praising God. This will encourage your wife and family.

God is the source of true encouragement (1 Samuel 30:6). By reading the Scriptures, praying, and worshipping together you open up a pipeline of not only encouragement, but many other blessings to flow from God to your wife and family.

Your wife will feel deep within her spirit that her effort in being a home-keeping mother is indeed worthwhile. And she will respect you more for taking this spiritual stand.

Without daily devotions to God there comes a sense of barrenness and emptiness in the home.

Once you start setting aside this time for devotions each day, you will soon see and feel the fruit of it happening in the lives of all your family. They will begin to exude life in many different ways.

Be encouraged. Colin

17. Do not expect instant perfection from your wife and family.

Remember, maturity is not an instant thing. Maturity takes time and some are slower than others. Whilst it is true that we should aim for perfection (Matthew 5:48), yet it is possible to be mature in some areas of life and not in others.

A child may be perfect for his or her age, but if the child remains at the same level of maturity as time goes by, we have a problem. The same rule applies to each one of us.

Remember that your wife and family cannot be viewed as you would your office and workers over which you have charge. You cannot fire your wife and family if they do not measure up. They will mature better in an atmosphere of love, patience, and encouragement than in an atmosphere of tension and too much expectation of perfection.

Part of our own maturity is to know when to relax a little, loosen up, and not get so uptight when people around us do not measure up to our expectations.

Be encouraged. Colin

16. Seek to be more patient with your wife and family.

Patience is a virtue that not all men possess. Unfortunately, at times, I struggle with this godly virtue myself.

Impatience wants to settle the matter right here and now. Unfortunately, most times the problem is only made a hundred times worse. Patience contains wisdom for it uses time to its advantage to weight the facts carefully and consider all points thoroughly in order to solve the problem in the most righteous way possible.

I believe it is easier to make enemies than to make friends.

There will be times when your wife will need you to be more patient with her when she makes a blunder, forgets something you think important, burns the food, dents the car (!), or purchases the wrong thing. The last thing she needs is a red hot Mr. Perfect throwing down the gauntlet on her.

If she does need you to bring some form of correction, then don't skid the tires doing it!

Try to be more loving and patient, remembering that you are not without your own faults.

Be encouraged. Colin

15. Speak well of your wife. Eulogize her. Try not to let a day go by without embracing her, giving her an extended kiss (my wife loves an extended kiss!), and telling her how much you love and appreciate her.

My wife and I celebrate the Shabbat meal each Friday evening. One of the main reasons we do this is because it provides an opportunity to bless and eulogize each other. It is such a blessing to hear your spouse speak about you in a positive and appreciating way. Not only do we do this to each other as we sit down to the table before we eat, but we also bless each of the children and speak positively into their lives.

Always speak highly of your wife to your children, as well as your friends. Your wife will be much more contented and uplifted by the nice things you say to her each day.

The world around is full of negativity. We must not let this creep into our marriage. Put away, as much as possible, all grumbling and complaining around your wife and family. This type for communication does not edify or lift up anyone.

Ecclesiastes 9:9 says, "Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity."

Be encouraged. Colin

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14. Make sure your wife feels free to be able to get out of the home from time to time to shop and visit friends, as long as it does not interfere with family meal times and homeschooling.

Of course, your wife has daily responsibilities to which she must attend. However, she must not be forced to feel that she is stuck in a prison with no way of escape.

Some women are victims to over-controlling husbands who take their spiritual headship too far. This causes wives to feel they can't do anything unless they have their husband's approval. They have little to none of the personal freedoms that a Christian woman should enjoy. In a sense, this husband tyranny.

A wise husband, who wants a happy marriage, will do what he can to make his wife feel free so she can serve her husband and family out of love, rather than servitude. The Proverbs 31 woman certainly seemed very free to make a lot of personal decisions. Her husband was not mean although obviously they were a wealthy family.

Those of us who struggle to make ends meet do have to be watchful on spending, and yet we would be wise to not let tight budgets turn us into becoming mean, unloving, and inconsiderate husbands.

Be encouraged. Colin

13. Make your wife's life easier by picking up after yourself.

Do not expect you wife to pick up after you all the time. I am sure that picking up after you was not in the marriage agreement. Unfortunately, some husbands expect their wives to run around behind them and pick up their dirty plates, cups, papers, and mess.

Men, when you get out of your dirty shirts, socks, and underwear, etc., pick them up and put them where they should go--in a bin or basket where your wife can easily take them to the laundry. Try to keep your part of the bedroom tidy. Hang up your clothes.

Help clear the table after the meal is ended. It will not do you any harm to sweep the floor. If your children are not yet old enough to wash the dishes, lend a hand.

Although it is your wife's primary responsibility to keep the home clean, tidy, and in order, do not ever let her feel that she is your slave or servant.

Make sure that your children do the chores they are assigned to do in order to make things easier for your wife. Do not overdo the excuse that you are too tired to help. Remember, she also gets tired and her work is never ended.

Be encouraged. Colin

12. Keep your home surroundings tidy.

I believe it is a good thing for a home-loving wife to have a husband who does his best to keep the exterior of his house clean, repaired, painted, and tidy. He should keep the lawns mowed and organize his family to assist in regular clean-ups. He does this primarily to bless his wife.

When God planted a garden for Adam and Eve, He called the garden "Eden" meaning "delight."

I am sure that Eve was blessed with absolutely beautiful surroundings. All Adam had to do was to tend to it and keep it beautiful and delightful.

I am not saying that men have to provide a mansion for their wife, but they should make the most of whatever they can afford for the sake of their wife. You wife should not have to live in a house surrounded by old junk cars, nothing put away tidily, heaps of mess everywhere, things not repaired, and the lawns unmowed.

God did not intend that Eve should live this way for He planted a garden that would delight the first stay-at-home mother.

Each husband should try his best to provide a delightful setting for his wife and family.

Love your wife by doing your best to keep your surroundings tidy.

Be encouraged. Colin

11. If it all possible, prepare a garden for her.

A little bit of manly work of digging and weeding will do a man no harm.

Read up on how to make a really good vegetable garden. It will keep you and your whole family more down to earth. It will save you lots of money. It will also provide you with lots of healthy nutritious organic food to feed your growing family.

Encourage your growing children to get involved and your wife will love to be involved with the planting. If you grow more than enough, you will be able to bless your friends. Or, your children could set up a roadside stall and sell the surplus.

If you have the right attitude about it, it can be a lot of fun.

I also like to grow beautiful flowers near my wife's office window so they can bring joy to her heart. Your wife at home will be greatly blessed if you provide some nice flower gardens for her, too. A woman needs flowers, and a husband needs a happy and contented wife. Flowers will help.

The first home was in the midst of a garden (Genesis 2:8).

Even in the difficult times of captivity God told His people to build houses and plant gardens and eat the fruit of them: (Jeremiah 29:5).

Be encouraged. Colin

10. Do your very best to provide well for your wife so she has sufficient money to do basic family shopping.

I know we are living in increasingly difficult financial times and many men are being laid off from their work. In times like these, many Christian stay-at-home mothers can be tempted to leave their homes to go back to Egypt (to the corporate world) just to make ends meet. In doing so, they sacrifice their family and their most needed motherhood. This would be a greater loss to the family than meeting payments on the family car, etc.

In times like these, we need to think outside of the box and do some creative thinking. Perhaps it is time to star up your own business.

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Be encouraged. Colin

9. Stand by your wife and support her whenever you discover any of the children have been giving their mother a hard time by deliberately being disrespectful.

When fathers come home they should enquire from their wives as to the behavior of their children towards their mother, as well as towards each other. Small infractions that are normal for young children should be overlooked. A quiet reminder and encouragement to behave better may be all that is required by father.

However, bad moods, insolence, disrespect, and rebellion towards their mother who is trying hard to do what is right for her children must be dealt with by the father when he gets home. He should give appropriate discipline, followed by loving words of encouragement. to do better. The child should be made to sincerely apologize whom apology is due.

If a father neglects to stand by his wife and support her efforts to teach and train his children, she will become discouraged and feel inadequate to fulfill her great and important work.

A homekeeping mother who is sacrificing her life for the sake of God and her family needs the full weight of her husband's support. Otherwise she will feel a victim, and in a sense, abused.

Be encouraged to be an encourager. Colin

8. Willingly discuss with her any difficulties she faces with the children, or any problems she may want to talk over with you regarding any matter at all.

Always be prepared to offer words of encouragement and wisdom. Always be ready to pray with her so that the God will give His wisdom over every concern. Communication in a caring and helpful way will make your wife feel she is not on her own.

Encourage her to know that what she is doing is worth all her effort, for the sake of the children's moral values, as well as their education. Many state schools have huge failure rates. Not all mothers are gifted teachers and not all state teachers are gifted teachers either.

It is important for each mother to decided what curriculum will work for them. There will always be others who will boast about their successes and make other mothers feel condemned or useless. Encourage your wife to communicate only with other homeschool mothers who will be helpful, not competitive and condemning.

Be encouraged. Colin

7. Complement her liberally. Emphasize her strong points. Brush aside her weaknesses.

Proverbs 18:21 says, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue."

Most wives are starving for the lack of a complimenting husband. Not only should we compliment our wife, but we should do it liberally. Tough economic times can put a lot of strain upon a marriage. We may have to cut back on certain things, but one thing we men must never cut back on is a complimenting tongue.

It will be much easier for your wife to be a stay-at-home mother if she has a husband who compliments her---about her appearance, about how she orders her home, and how she cares for the family. A woman likes to be complimented on her looks, her figure, her style, her dress, her attitude, her personality, her talents and gifts, plus a hundred and one little things.

If you do not shower your wife with compliments, you endanger her to men who will, unfortunately even in the church as well as in the work place.

Do not be too busy to take the time to compliment your wife every day.

Read about the Shabbat meal which you may like to establish in your home. Check out http://bit.ly/ShabbatMeal

Be encouraged. Colin

6. Be a brighter and happier man in her presence.

Remember, that throughout the day, your wife has had to cope with crying children and doing all she can to keep the peace. It certainly doesn't help her when she also has to cope with a griping, grisly, overly serious man who doesn't know how to look on the bright side of life and have a good laugh at problems.

Men have mentioned to me that being in a place of responsibility at work is much easier for them than dealing with the immature chaos that frequently occurs in their home. I say, we should never ever equate the smooth running of the work place with home life. At work, it is much easier to dismiss someone who is constantly insubordinate; at home we are seeking to train and discipline immature feelings and wills, and each is often different to deal with. We can't expect maturity too quickly. Remember, you are dealing with growing maturity.

Learn to loosen up. Learn to smile more. Learn to laugh more with your wife and children. Do not allow the imperfections of your family to turn you into a sober-side.

Be encouraged. Colin

5. Sympathize with her difficulties and failures rather than always lecturing her.

A lecture may be appropriate once in awhile. But, it can get hard to take when all she needs and looks for is sympathy and understanding and instead, all she gets is another lecture. No wonder many women want to be free of the home and go back to the work place.

Men, we would be wise to be more understanding, sympathetic, and consoling when our wives have had a rough day with the children.

Maybe she didn't get home in time to cook the meal you expected when you got home, but she did the family shopping. Perhaps the meal burnt. Or, she feels she has failed the Lord because she doesn't have enough time to pray. There can be a thousand and one things that place your wife under pressure, and the last thing she needs from you is another lecture that will only make her feel more negative about herself.

You are the one she wants when she needs a shoulder to cry on. Help her to knows that she can get all she needs right in her own home.

Be encouraged. Colin

4. Take time each day to talk to your wife and listen to her.

A woman needs a husband she can talk to. I think most women like to talk to their husbands, especially about the things that interest her. The danger of the "work place" is that there is always more than enough men who are willing to chat up someone else's wife, and yet they are not willing to take the time to listen to their own wife. Shame on them!

Remember this, men. While you are working with adults with whom you can have a mature conversation, your wife willingly sacrifices all that in order to raise and train your children, in all their immaturities.

When you come home each evening, take the time to engage your wife in loving conversation. Be patient and take the time to listen to what she is interested in. Take the time to hear her out, even if you are itching to get on with your own interests.

I think a lot of men are like myself and struggle with impatience, which is immaturity. Your wife deserves to daily have some of your undivided attention. She certainly deserves it.

Be encouraged. Colin

3. Show gratefulness for all the menial tasks your wife performs in the home.

I believe it would be most difficult for a woman who receives complements from the workforce to come home to educate the children, perform all the menial tasks of homemaking, receive no payment or money, and then not even any gratefulness or complements from her husband.

Everyone needs encouragement and home-making mothers who are diligently raising the next generation need it most.

The enemy of the home makes sure that working women are praised in the work place, the media, and also the church where unthinking pastors, whose wives are out of the home, make sure the corporate woman is praised.

But, God sees the mother at home who sacrifices her life to raise the nation's future leaders. These are women who believe that God did not give them their children to be raised in day care systems or unruly state schools, but rather in the home. As the mother lovingly cares for their children, God praises her the most (Proverbs 31:28-31). So should you!

Be encouraged. Colin

2. Beware of being a control freak.

While I believe God has made the husband to be the head of his family, including his wife, he would be wise to refrain from over-lording and heavy-demanding ways. A husband's headship is best displayed in loving leadership, 1 Corinthians 13:5 says, "Love seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil."

A dominating and over-powering husband who micro-manages his wife so she cannot make any decisions on her own, or even go anywhere without his approval, will drive his wife not only out of the home, but also out of the marriage.

The best husbands are the easy going ones who are not overly anxious about everything. It is their pleasure to see their wife free, contented, and happy.

Overbearing husbands who stifle every initiative their wife brings up will find it difficult to keep them at home, let alone contented at home.

Be encouraged. Colin

1. Do not oppose her personal desires on how she wants to make her home a place where she will feel contented.

Rather than opposing your wife, you should encourage her opinions on how she wants the decor, the pictures on the wall, or the arrangement of the furniture. Remember, she lives in the house much more than you do. You should pitch in and help her with what she suggests to make it happen. Many women could possibly be tempted to go back to the corporate world if they feel they are deprived of having their nest the way that makes them feel comfortable.

Remember, just as you want an occupation you can be contented with, so your wife should have her home the way she feels it should be.

I am not talking about yielding to her demands to live in a mansion or spend beyond the budget. At least, let her make the most of what she's got, whether the home be below average, average, or above average.

I know there is a balance to all this and the wife should also consider her husband's opinions.

Be encouraged to seek your wife's happiness and contentment.

Colin