Today Is Mother's Day

I awoke to the sound of whispering in the kitchen. At least, as much whispering as a nine year old boy and his four year old brother could manage. I was still half asleep, and squashed like a sardine in my queen size bed. It was barely 7 a.m. and I was tandem nursing our 17 month old son, Henry and his new baby sister. Little Sophia had been born abruptly, unexpectedly, six weeks premature in this very bed just three months before.

These days, waking in the middle of the night is all I seem to do. There are, of course, two hungry babies to feed off and on until the wee hours. But what kept me up that night, and most nights, was thoughts of my husband, a naval officer, thousands of miles away in the desert.

It would be about supper time there. I wondered if he had eaten yet and hoped it had been tolerable. I prayed for his safety and the safety of his men. I prayed that he would be a good witness to the crew that he flew with. I prayed for their missions that would ultimately bring both freedom and the opportunity to learn of the true living God to a people who had never known either. I prayed for each of our seven children who all miss their Daddy. When I could pray no more I would fall back asleep until the next round of crying babies or fear awoke me.

There I was, on a Thursday morning in October, completely exhausted, scrambling to compose my thoughts and organize the day’s events in my head when in walked Daniel. At four years old, buzz cut hair and chocolate brown eyes; he was the spitting image of his father. He was grinning ear to ear, wearing nothing but his underwear. I was about to robotically tell him to go get dressed when he proudly announced, “Look, we made this for you.”

He thrust a mug at me, nearly spilling its contents on his sleeping sister. It caught me off guard. Had my four year old really made coffee? Indeed he had, with the help of his older brother. I took an obligatory sip to not hurt his feelings. Hmm. It was actually pretty good.

They had put in just the right amount of sugar and cream, not to mention it was in my favorite mug--a bright blue one with fading gold letters that spelled out Navy and a big chip on one side, undoubtedly from one of the four moves we’ve made in the last two years. Before I could thank him, he came over and kissed my hand, put on his best superhero voice and said “Happy Mothers Day, I love you” then darted from my room, his arms spread out like an airplane, making a loud zooming noise.

Did he just say Happy Mother’s Day? Surely he remembered that it was October. The leaves were starting to change and it was getting cooler by the day. He had to have remembered how we celebrated Mother’s Day just a few months ago.

It was the day my husband had left on a mission. We were still living in a hotel having just arrived at our new duty station three days before. I dismissed his mistake with a shrug and pried myself from the dimpled arms and legs surrounding me. I was too busy making breakfast, braiding hair, changing diapers, and laying out schoolwork to instruct my son on the calendar.

I didn’t give it another thought as I loaded the car seats, children, stroller, diaper bag, my purse and finally myself into the van. We were in hurry to avoid the crowds at the commissary this morning.

Let’s see--we can put the baby in a cart and let Chloe push it. We’ll need Samuel to push a cart for the eleven gallons of milk we drink each week, and then Jacob and Lydia can push carts for the rest of the groceries. I can push the stroller with Daniel and Henry and balance the eggs and bread on top.

I smile politely at the people who stare at us as we walk like a row of ducks into the building. It’s overcrowded and the baby is getting hungry. They are out of plain yogurt and the apples are all bruised. We stand in line for nearly fifteen minutes chatting with strangers who always ask the same questions.

I keep smiling and reply, “No, it’s not a daycare; yes, they are all mine; no, the girls aren’t twins, just 15 months apart, and yes, we do in fact home school.” The children all smile and I am grateful for their sweet attitudes.

We finally leave, $428 poorer, pondering how to fit our bounty into the van. “We’ll put the stroller in first then start loading the milk, put the eggs and bread up by me, load in the babies and everyone else find a spot where you don’t squish the food.” On the twenty minute drive home we talk about the changing season, how much longer until Daddy comes home and the fact that the frozen pot roast sitting on Jacob’s lap is making his legs tingle.

The boys spend fifteen minutes lugging in the groceries that take me nearly three hours to put away. I have to stop to feed the baby, put a band aid on a scrape from a fall in the driveway, and figure how to divide all the food between two pantries and three refrigerators.

A gallon of milk is dropped on the kitchen floor, instantly breaking open and creating a huge mess. Meanwhile a toddler who is going unwatched as his mommy juggles the groceries has gotten into a bag of newly purchased chocolate chips and is making his own little mess.

The groceries are finally put up and schoolwork started when I realize it’s nearly 1:30. I haven’t even started lunch. The rest of the day is spent correcting math, tying shoes, making dinner, catching up on cleaning, doing five loads of laundry and then ultimately bathing seven children and getting them ready to do it all again tomorrow. The house looks like it was hit by a tornado. It takes a bit longer than normal to pick up and tuck them in after our bedtime devotion.

Finally everyone is kissed and sent off to their rooms. There are a few tears for missing Daddy followed by jumping on beds, giggling antics, trips to the bathroom, requests for glasses of water, and then more trips to the bathroom. It is nearly 10 p.m. before everyone is asleep. I have nursed the baby and laid her in the crib in the next room. Henry is snuggled on my lap, trying his best not to fall asleep.

I read my Bible and praise God for my many blessings. I thank Him for his constant love and protection. I praise him for His mercy on my sinful ways, and I thank Him for allowing my husband to have been home to help in the birth of his newest daughter. I ask the Lord to guide me in my husband’s absence and give an extra portion of wisdom in raising these little “arrows” by myself. Then I try my best to fall asleep.

My mind is racing with the day’s events. I try to remember if I locked the back door. I make a mental note to discuss homophones with Samuel. I briefly entertain the idea of getting up to correct Lydia’s penmanship papers.

I hope Jacob hasn’t forgotten to read his Psalm for the day. I remember that I have not changed Sophia’s diaper before putting her down and say a quick prayer that it holds until she wakes up for a feeding.

I notice the basket of sewing sitting near my bed and think about the dresses I still need to cut out for the girls to wear on Thanksgiving. I think about Chloe’s birthday approaching soon and try to remember where I stashed the new Bible her father had bought her.

The house seems extra loud and dark with Doug gone. I decide to turn on the news, hoping it will lull me to sleep. Between the war coverage and stories of sinful people it defeats the intended purpose and I am even more awake.

I decide to spend this quiet time with the Lord. As I finish praying, the phone rings. I look at the clock and realize it is well past midnight. I cautiously pick up the phone. A familiar voice booms, “Hi Honey, did you have a good day?” I try not to get choked up at the sound of my beloved’s voice so far away. “Of course I did. You know today is Mother’s Day.”

LESLIANNE
WEST COAST, USA
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This couple are blessed with seven children - Samuel (11), Jacob (9), Chloe (7), Lydia (6 ), Daniel (4), Henry (17 months), and Sophia (3 months). (Full name withheld because of husband’s secret missions. Pray for Leslianne as she mothers her children for most of the year on her own.)

Happily Ever After?

I grew up on fairy tales. What little girl doesn’t love the stories about a beautiful young maiden being rescued and whisked away by a handsome Prince Charming? These stories always ended with the happy young couple marrying and starting a life together.

In today’s society, “happily ever after” comes after the house is bought, his and her cars grace the driveway and two careers compete for the time and affection the Prince and Princess have for each other. What has happened? Where in the story did the Princess decide that she was no longer joyful scurrying about her home, taking pride in a job well done?

I was speaking with an internet friend recently and she said that a message I had posted upset her. It was about a lovely home where the woman participates in the home activities that make a house a home. She argued with me that it’s not that men aren’t programmed to do these jobs; it’s that they are lazy and choose not to--a popular opinion.

If you have a microwave and a toaster in your kitchen, which one do you use to make toast? The microwave? No, you realize that it will not toast your bread evenly; it will simply make it hot. Yet I doubt any woman would stand in her kitchen and argue that the microwave should be making her toast. No, it simply does not work that way.

It is the same for man and woman. We are created for different jobs. There is nothing demeaning about managing a home. It is not a lowly calling to stay home to cook, clean, decorate, sew, sing, rock babies, read, and rejoice! Our homes are a haven for our husbands. We can and we should take up this calling with rejoicing in our hearts. We are not men, we are womb-men! How incredible to be so blessed!

Is it a radical idea that long after the Prince and the Princess said “I do” that the Princess continued in her home, putting on her apron every morning and singing as she went about her daily duties. Do we really think Cinderella traded in her broom for a briefcase? I think not! I think in the heart of hearts of most women, we want to take care of our family. We want to create a lovely home for our husband to rest his head at the end of a long day. Our struggle comes not from within, but from outside influences telling us we should be pursuing something more valuable, something “worthwhile”.

We are told we should be getting out of the house, getting “involved” and most of the time that means being separate from our family and our home. The most important thing you will ever do will be done within the walls of your home! You are called for something spectacular. You are a wife and a mother. An occupation to be praised!

Long after the honeymoon, I am still at home, proudly donning my apron, holding my broom and rocking my babies. I spend my days investing in the most precious of all resources: my God, my husband and my children! I have the freedom to be everything God called me to be. Who could ask for more?

MELLISA COFFEY
St. Marys (on the Naval Submarine Base), Georgia, USA
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Computers and Children

Computers can be great tools for our children to use, especially if used in great educational ways! When my children were young, I got sucked into buying a lot of "educational software". We had the Jumpstart Preschool program and Reader Rabbit preschool programs etc. My children loved them and I'm sure they learned some from them. But, they can be very addictive and I found my children needing that entertainment stimulation in their computer time. It became hard to control the use of it and was often more like entertainment than education.

While reading a book by Steve Maxwell called Preparing Sons, I read his suggestion to limit computer use to things that are truly educational. We cut out entertaining educational programs and allowed our children use the standard computer programs that come on the machine--the Microsoft Paint program, Home Publishing program, and Word program. The results have been GREAT!

My eight year old has just finished writing his second book on the computer. Both of them are his own made-up Curious George books. He uses our Home Publishing program and inserts pictures he gets from the clip art or off the web. His last story was 12 pages long with a decent story line and plenty of illustrations.

He also has gotten quite good at using the paint program. He knows how to open a picture in it, edit the picture, save it and re-insert it into his program. You go to www.google.com, click on Images and type in the word for your picture. Of course, as a parent you need to be right there to watch for inappropriate items through the internet or have really good internet filters.

After getting the picture off the web, he opened it in the Paint program and "painted in" Curious George onto the horse he got off the web. Then he inserted it into his "book". Why go through tons of workbooks and Language Arts programs when he learns more by this kind of schooling? He not only learns computing skills, but story telling, spelling, typing and layout skills! He now wants to save his dollars to buy his own computer as we all fight over computer time here.

One of my four year old twin boys also loves the computer.

He LOVES drawing on the paint program and typing on Microsoft Word. He recently taught himself his numbers up to 100 (by counting and following along in a Bible the chapter headings). Then I found him typing the numbers up to 100 (minus the spaces) and typing the alphabet from A to Z. This taught him his capital letters as the keyboard is in capitals. He was also trying to type the alphabet backwards one day. Now, he asks us how to spell words for him to type on the program. He’ll probably teach himself to read!

I don't share this to brag, but to encourage parents to limit the time their children use "entertainment" type programs on the computer and get them to do real computing.

Encourage your children to learn to type. Use a home publishing program for them to make cards, newsletters, stories etc. Let them do "art" on the paint program. Let them insert digital camera pictures onto papers to print out. These are all great skills for them to learn. I have Paint Shop Pro which is a fairly complicated program for working with images. I recently decided I should assign my son the task of learning all the different things that can be done with this program. Then he can teach ME how to use the program better!

With doing all this work they have to print out TONS of stuff! It can get expensive to print so much stuff which makes me grateful for our business as we refill all our own ink cartridges.

MELANIE CHRISTENSON
Mason, Wisconsin, USA
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The Christenson website for ink refills is www.encoreink.com

On this website, Melanie also lists a free typing program on the Homeschool/Family section.

Who Do You Follow?

What is carnal mothering? I think it is when we focus more on the teachings of so-called parenting experts than God. It looks something like this: “I am of William Sears; I am of James Dobson; I am of Gary Ezzo; and I am of [insert favorite parenting teacher here]” etc.

Remember what Paul wrote to the Corinthians?  “For ye are yet carnal; for whereas there is among you envying, and strife, and divisions, are ye not carnal, and walk as men? For while one saith, I am of Paul; and another, I am of Apollos; are ye not carnal? Who then is Paul, and who is Apollos, but ministers by whom ye believed, even as the Lord gave to every man? I have planted, Apollos watered; but God gave the increase.” (1 Corinthians 3:3-9)

This is exactly where I was until recently. I have bounced around nearly every parenting philosophy in my quest to learn how to be a Godly mother. I started off in the Attachment Parenting (AP) group. In fact, I still would be considered an AP Mother since I practice a lot of AP principles. I checked out non-punitive discipline (aka Grace Based Discipline/Positive Discipline). When that didn’t work, I checked out others.

However, when I found myself with the varying situations a mother finds herself in each day, I realized there was a problem when I started to think what the parenting gurus would do, rather than turning to God and asking Him what I should do. Sometimes I’d just rather deal with a Moses than hear from God direct.

Fortunately, God stepped in and brought me to a place, both spiritually and physically, where I had to rely solely on Him. God moved our family to a more remote location, which greatly reduced my online time. I am no longer within walking distance to the local library where I access the internet.

I started to pray for vision in my mothering. Not only did God give me a vision, but showed me how to implement it. Early on in my mothering I was led astray by teaching which focused on “ages and stages” (e.g. “terrible two’s” etc). I became apathetic in prayer for my children thinking everything was “just a phase”. Now I pray about everything and I’m seeing beautiful fruit as a result.

The ideas keep coming, as God pours them into my mind, for keeping house, toilet training, homeschooling and child training, etc.

God still continues to use others in mothering/parenting ministries to encourage, teach, and inspire me. The Above Rubies magazine is a main one. I often find the articles in each issue deal with exactly what is happening in my life at the time.

However, I used to use Titus 2 as an excuse to continue in my carnal mothering. Now I use it as my measuring stick. When I hear/read mothering advice, I check it against the qualities in Titus 2 and ask myself, does it make me love my husband and children? Does it make me want to be sober, discreet, chaste, a keeper at home, good, and obedient to my husband? If it doesn’t measure up, I disregard it.

Since the Lord has freed me from trying to measure up to the parenting gurus, I no longer feel overwhelmed, or in a constant state of “What do I do”. As a result, I am calmer, less grumpy, and more joyful. And the best thing is I am really starting to enjoy my children.

DONNA NEUMANN
Lihue, Hawaii, USA
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