Motherhood | Winning the Heart of my Sons

Winning the Heart of my Sons

It came as a surprise. With so many little ones underfoot, I could feel the momentum building. The season of my children’s adulthood rushed toward me!

Somehow, before I knew it, my adult children stood before me, wide-eyed and ready to embark on their own life’s calling. The moment to release my arrows into the unknown came all too soon. With God’s help, I decided to embrace this new season and launch them well. This article is geared specifically toward sons and the unique way we can release them.

Honoring my Husband

As my oldest son quickly approached adulthood, I noticed his needs were very much like the needs of my husband. We notice throughout Scripture that a husband greatly desires and values honor and respect from his wife. Loving is easy and comes naturally, but offering respect requires a much closer walk with the Lord. In this age, the concept of “respect must be earned” is touted. I believe, however, that the respect talked about in Scripture is very different. I like to call it “unconditional respect.” After all, I desire to be loved and treasured--even with my morning hair, postpartum body, when I say something silly, or give in to my grumpy heart. Don’t our husbands desire the same kind of respect?

Astounding Results

Years ago, I began offering this kind of respect to my husband and the results were astounding. My aim was that no one would give him more respect than me, his wife. I wanted him to stand tall and walk into any situation knowing that I truly respected and admired him, no matter what—win or lose, succeed or fail. I challenged myself to find anything and everything in which to honor him.

Sometimes this was easy and offered freely. Other times, my own way or pride tempted me to withhold this gift to my husband. I observed how often I put “conditions” on my respect. There were moments when the respect certainly was not earned (at least, not in my eyes). However, I practiced the habit of always finding something I could encourage. Perhaps it was his honesty regarding a mistake, his willingness to get back up and try again, or his heart’s desire to do right even when his flesh failed.

When I freely offered respect, especially in those times, my heart was blessed to watch him stand taller, straighter, and fight harder. Because the pressure was off, I witnessed the transformation of an even more godly man and we bonded together in a greater manner.

Our Sons Want the Same Respect

Soon, my sons stood much taller than I (not a difficulty since I’m only 5 ft. tall). Like mini versions of my husband, these young men desire respect. Therefore, I began the habit of offering “unconditional respect” to them as well. At times, it took great effort.
Sometimes, I simply told them I was so proud of them for their will to keep trying and not give up as they worked toward maturity. Other times, witnessing the unfolding of God’s work in their lives made giving respect easier. Regardless, I began to see the same astounding results. The gift of “unconditional respect” ushered the way for them to grow from boyhood to manhood, knowing all the while that mom was their number one cheerleader.

As always, the secret to success is found in Scripture. Psalm 127 talks about the blessing of a full quiver. Yet, what good is a quiver full of arrows if they are never released to penetrate the enemy? You may think the greatest joy in life as a mama is embracing your children, holding them tight, making every attempt to keep them safe and warm from the winds of this world. I have discovered, that as good as that is, it pales in comparison to watching them grow and mature as they use their gifts and God-given abilities to shine brightly in a dark world.

Training Sons to be Battle Ready

Training your arrows to be battle-ready does not come naturally, but it is essential for the success of your launch. Young men don’t respond well to a mother who questions if they are capable or ready, directing their decisions from the sideline.

Instead, we must constantly affirm that we believe in them, see their readiness, and trust that God will guide them in the areas where growth is still needed. Almost every time I respond this way, I see the men in my life rise to the occasion. Raising godly children isn’t just about daily Bible stories and prayer. It involves discipleship, modeling, and an appeal to their hearts to find protection, joy and freedom in their walk with God.

Holding a special ceremony when each son turned thirteen, inducted them into manhood and marked the beginning of their journey. It also enabled me to begin the process of releasing them into adulthood over the next few years. At this age my husband made every effort to take over their homeschool journey---to draw his relationship with each son closer and teach them more about manhood. Because of his work, my husband could not be involved fulltime. However, knowing that Dad was monitoring their schooling and core life-muscles, imparted the vision they were indeed becoming men.

At one time, my son wanted to buy a truck with his well-earned money. In my opinion, it was not the right truck or best timing. Yet, as an adult, he needed the blessing and freedom to make his own decision, knowing his parents would respect him whatever the outcome. What a blessing to watch him rise to the occasion! He stood a little taller, confidant that he was his own man, and we were behind him all the way. As I feared, the truck was not the right fit and had to be sold at a slight monetary loss. Standing amid defeat, I spoke of how well he handled the whole situation and how I admired him as a man. Had I responded with “I told you so,” I’d have sent the heart of my son spiraling toward despair.

Both of my grown sons have developed their own businesses and worked for others. Not too long ago, I helped one of them work through some stressful aspects relating to the start-up of his business. My son shared with me how, if nothing else, this was an opportunity for him to see God provide and move in a mighty way in his life. Once again, I reaffirmed how much I respected his trust in God, even during such a stressful time.

Protect Their Purity

When you speak and act respectfully to your son, you help protect his purity. Without love and respect from his parents, a young man can be driven to insecurity and find respect in the lowliest places. He must learn to guard his heart and eyes, but respect from his parents will strengthen his purity walk.

When God brings a young woman into the life of your son, once again you stand at the door to a new season. Encourage your son to discover the same joy and love you have found in your marriage. Be his number one fan in moving his heart toward his wife.

Guard Against Fear

I am convinced that many of us respect and admire our husbands and sons, yet struggle to know how to speak it into their lives. Often we want to take control to prevent an unwanted outcome. This fear, however, robs us of the opportunity to give honor and respect. I have also learned that, as with my husband, nagging and expressing disappointment does nothing to motivate my sons to grow in maturity.

Respecting an imperfect husband can be difficult, let alone trying to respect an immature, growing young man. However, with God on our side, we have nothing to fear. As I offer respect to our sons, especially when my heart is tempted to fear, they see past me to God. They always stand taller, knowing that they have their mom and God on their side. Is God not big enough to be faithful to complete the work He began in them without our help?

Leave room for them to fail, to grow, to change, and to mature. Never “put them in a box.” Leave room for them to blow your socks off, for God to do a work in and through them and display His mightiness!

Nothing Works Without Prayer

Finally, pray! Pray for your sons, their purity, and their walk with the Lord. My heart soared when my 25-year-old son spoke these words: “Mom, you and dad are my best friends. When all the world seems against me, I know that you guys care and understand. I know that God is real and I am not afraid because I’ve seen Him in your lives.”

Recently, I welcomed our twelfth child (our sixth son) into my arms and into our family. As I treasure the newborn smells of my little man, I equally ponder the conversations and connections with my grown sons—knowing that all too soon, respect will win the heart of this little boy as well. Giving up my control and fears to the Lord is never easy, but the close relationship I have with my adult sons is a gift as precious as holding my cherished newborn.

KIMBERLY BRYANT
Springfield, Oregon, USA
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Printed in Above Rubies # 93.

Motherhood | Jesus Had A Mommy

For the past five years our family has participated in the Canadian Badlands Passion Play. This year the director asked me to play the part of Mary, the mother of Jesus. What a challenge for a stay-at-home mom! Wanting to do my best, I dove into a time of Bible study and prayer and here are some of the lessons I learned.

A Mother's Teaching

One of my goals was to memorize the Magnificat (Luke 1:46-55). While doing this I noticed something compelling. I was amazed at the times Jesus spoke and did things that mirrored Mary's words: "He has filled the hungry with good things" came to mind as Jesus fed the 5000. "He has scattered the proud in the imagination of their hearts" jumped to life with Christ's profound, "Let him who is without sin cast the first stone." When Christ kneeled to wash the disciples feet, Mary's words echoed in my mind, "He exalts the lowly." Were these convictions of His mother's a part of the education of the young Christ?

C.S. Lewis said, "I think ... it will do us no harm to remember that, in becoming Man, he bowed His neck beneath the sweet yoke of a heredity and early environment. Humanly speaking, He would have learned this style, if from no one else (but it was all about Him) from His mother." Mary was righteous and diligent to fulfill all the law. She would have wholeheartedly obeyed, "You shall teach them to your children, speaking of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up" (Deuteronomy 11:19).

As I studied Mary's other children I could see this same devotion to righteousness. James and Jude each penned letters inspired by the Holy Spirit. Here, too, were hints of Mary's influence.

Am I as carefully and fervently teaching my own children? I started out with such resolve, but disappointments and weariness come with the years and I am resolved to find new zeal for my task.

A Mother's Prayer

During the practices, the directors along with the actor playing Jesus, worked with me on a scene in which Mary cradlesher crucified son before he is taken to the grave. Together we recreated a beautiful tableau known as the Pieta. That night at home, as I hugged my youngest daughter to myself and listened to her prayers, I was struck by the similarity of this embrace with what I had just rehearsed. An instant picture of Mary with her precious little Jesus, offering up prayer to the King of Heaven, reminded me that I was one of a multitude of mothers throughout the ages leading their little ones to the throne of God. How beautiful and how precious that we've been given this privilege and responsibility.

Mary knew how to pray and praise the Lord. Not only do we have preserved for us her beautiful Magnificat, but we see her in the upper room keeping vigil with other believers as they await the promised Holy Spirit.

Her children saw and heard her example. Eusebius said of her son, James that his knees were like a camel's because of his devotion to prayer. It was this same son who penned, "The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much" (James 5:16). Jude, another of Mary's sons, gives us a beautiful doxology at the end of his letter. These men grew up in a home where prayer and praise were natural, everyday occurrences.

I long to develop a more meaningful prayer time with my own children, a legacy that will travel with them throughout their lives.

A Mother's Song

There is a poignant moment early in the play, after Jesus clears the temple courts and drives out the money changers. He beckons the people to prayer by singing a beautiful song: "O, Praise the Lord, all ye nations. O, Praise the Lord, all ye peoples. We will enter Your courts; give thanks to the Lord, for His mercy endureth forever."

Putting myself in Mary's place at such a moment I realized she would have taught and sung these songs with her children as they traveled to the Passover. I thought about my own days nursing my babies and the special hymns and songs I sang to them. When the children grew older and times of sickness or distress came, it was these particular songs they requested. I also recalled the story of a young man brought up in a godly home. After encountering trouble with the law, he ended up in jail for a night. Filled with guilt and remorse and terrified by the crazed man in the cell next to him, he began to sing the hymns his mother had sung to him as a boy.

A mother's song can have a deep impact, sowing truths that will bring forth fruit in the darkest times of a child's life. Once again, I am resolved to be more diligent in imparting the hymns of the faith to my children.

A Mother's Waiting

How hopeful the years are when a mother has young children. She spends her time planting seeds of faith in their lives. But for some, there are dark days of longsuffering as they wait to see the fruition of these labours. What a sorrow it must have been to Mary, after raising up her children in the way they should go, to see some of them wrought with unbelief (John 7:5).Those young men had been present to see Christ's first miracle. They had heard Mary's testimony of God's faithfulness. Yet, even with a godly upbringing and the works of God before their eyes, their stubborn hearts would not accept their mother's faith

It was not until the Holy Spirit touched them personally that those men accepted Christ as "the Lord of glory." As mothers, we must humbly remember that "Neither he who plants is anything, nor he who waters, but God who gives the increase" (1 Corinthians .3:7). It is important to be faithful to what God has called us to, but only He can save a soul. It is only His grace and the work of the Holy Spirit that accomplishes this miracle. Apart from Him I can do nothing and the heartfelt desire for the salvation of our children must compel us to prayer and a humble reliance on Him, not to guilt and condemnation for our own shortcomings.

A Mother's Humility

If there is one trait that marks the holy family it is humbleness. Mary called herself a maidservant of the Lord. James and Jude identified themselves as bondservants of the Lord. They never used their family connection to forward themselves. They may have started out their lives with the example of a humble mother, but that example was surpassed and crowned by Christ's own as they witnessed him "who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped" (Philippians. 2:6 RSV).

My favourite part of the play is the ending. My heart swells with adoration and soars with love as I see the resurrected Christ make his way past all the characters of the show. Whether it's a Roman soldier, a villager, or a Pharisee he passes, every knee bows. As He climbs the hill that marks His ascension to the Father He passes His mother Mary. With what great joy she kneels. She fully realizes that this life was never about her, as faithful as she has been, but about her blessed Lord, the Son of glory. With humble awe I too bow my knee, because I know what Mary knew, that living for Him and loving Him is what is truly important.

A humble heart does not start with me trying to abase myself. Rather, it is forgetting self in the presence of such a precious, beautiful, and perfect Saviour. The humble mother does not look to herself, she looks to God. When my days have been completed and my course has been run, I want to hear those words, "Well done my good and faithful servant." And when I do, I shall cast the crown He gives me at His feet, because I truly know that He alone is worthy.

CHARMAINE CONTOS
Airdrie, Alberta, Canada
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Harry and Charmaine's children are Micahl (24), Emily (20), Timothy (17), Elizabeth (17), Robin (11).

Motherhood | Going for the Gold

About a month after the birth of my eighth baby, I read a story about a 47 year old woman who asked God for a ninth child, and God gave her a son. I decided to do the same and God amazingly gave me another baby. I could not believe it.

I realize that now my childbearing years may very well be over, and I am preparing myself for this reality. Yet, I still pray that God may see fit to bless us again with another child. Why not? He is my Abba. I can ask. At the same time I am asking God for strength and humility to surrender to whatever He may have in store for my later years. I learned early on that having babies is temporary. In one short year those babies grow from little puddles in your arms to hefty toddlers in your cupboards.

I've often heard people say when they see our large family, "You must have so much patience! I could never do what you are doing!" They assume that parents of many children are somehow more equipped to handle the challenges that come with raising a large family. On the one hand, God does give more grace when we are faced with greater difficulties. He is overwhelmingly generous that way. On the other hand, I have rough edges and besetting sins, too numerous to count, and it seems they all want to rear their ugly heads at various times of the day as I deal with the different relationships that happen in our family. Eleven people give us 65 relationship combinations. That's a set up for a lot of love and a lot of conflict. I have thrown my hands up in despair a few times and wondered what in the world I was doing—and why in the world I was doing it!

The missing piece is VISION. Am I happy? Am I fulfilled? Do I have what I want? I'm cross-eyed with shortness of vision. But when I open up God's Word and view my life from His vantage point, everything changes. I have to catch my breath, first of all, because the view is staggering. It goes on and on. Forever. And the way it meanders at first makes no sense; but then, as my vision adjusts, things clear up, and it dawns on me that I get to play a small, but significant part in the drama of history (His story).

Called to Die

Like Christ Himself, I am called to die in order that I (and others) might find life (Mark 8:35; John 12:24 and Romans 12:1). If you think these verses don't apply to raising children, then you either 1) haven't experienced children yet, or 2) haven't meditated on these verses long enough. The day I got married I gave up the rights to my own life, my own way, on my own terms (or at least, that was the idea). So did my husband. When we added children we watched the last trickle of autonomy slip away. Raising a family is a death to self-ness. But it is also a finding of our identity in something greater than self: God.

Called to Love

Like Christ, I am called to love unconditionally, bravely, freely, unreservedly, with longsuffering. Don't miss that word, LONG! (Ephesians 4:2; 1 Peter 1:22 and 1 John 4:7).

Called to Disciple

Like Christ, I am called to disciple souls. The souls of my children are my first priority, with other souls following as God leads and time allows. Jesus worked with twelve. I have nine. The number is irrelevant, but I need to be focused on that mission and courageous to do it regardless of what the rest of the world does or says. In fact, if I don't disciple them, the world is more than happy to do it for me. No thank you.

This calling to die, to love, and to disciple, is the highest, and ultimately, the most rewarding calling of our lives. Will we take up the challenge and run the race God sets before us? Will we keep the prize in focus as we move forward with vision and purpose? Will we surrender our comfortable chair on the sidelines for the heat, the burn, the work of the race? Will we cross the finish line and be able to look back and know we truly lived our short lives to the fullest?

Called to Pray

Having babies is one thing, but ultimately my deepest desire is to see them all saved by the blood of Jesus Christ. Since that day I found out I was pregnant for the first time, I have prayed almost daily:

"Father in Heaven, SAVE the souls of every single one of my children. Save them for eternity. Make them Yours. May you keep them in the palm of Your hand and never let them be plucked out. May each one seek to know and love You, the greatest Treasure in the universe, more than the plastic baubles of this world. May they truly see, with spiritual eyes, Your worth and beauty, and may they desire it more than anything else this world has to offer. Do not only save them, but save all of my posterity. Let there not be one black sheep among them, but let them all belong to You eternally, fulfilling the purpose for which you created them."

It is my privilege and joy to pray this for them when I tuck them in at night as well as when I am drifting off to sleep in the privacy of my room. I cannot save my children, but He can. So I teach my children the Truth and I ask Him to do the saving.

Called to Humility

The key to a healthy family and healthy relationships, I'm convinced, is humility. It is the willingness to admit sin, repent of it, and ask for forgiveness. The families I know that practice this are just like every other family in that they sin against one another. But, they maintain emotional and relational health because the individual members grieve over their sin, say they are sorry, and ask for forgiveness.

The families that struggle are the ones that have difficulty admitting sin. If the parents are prideful and refuse to admit wrongdoing, blaming other family members, or making excuses for the ways they hurt others, the family as a whole will suffer in untold ways. Let me be clear. Healthy families are not sinless. All families sin, and they do it every day in numerous ways. We can make a difference for eternity by simply humbling ourselves before our family members and learning the art of saying sorry and asking forgiveness. (Just saying we're sorry, by the way, doesn't cut it. The key is to ask the person we've wronged for forgiveness.)

I'll never forget a testimony I read in which a young lady shared that her father would gather their family together once a week and ask if he had done anything to hurt any of them that week. If anyone shared a hurt, that father would immediately repent and ask forgiveness of that person. This young woman testified that because of his example, the hearts of the children and the parents were knit together in a special way.

I'm not raising my large family because I can handle it, I am a super mom, it is easy, and it's loads of fun. I've had babies because I decided many years ago to trade my freedom for eternal dividends. I'm your run-of-the-mill selfish Wemmick, and I'm not doing this for nothing. I'm going for the gold. My dream is to stand around the throne of the Living God one day, hand in hand in a huge circle with my children, children's children, and their children, taking our marching orders (it's going to be fabulous) for our future productive, creative lives in eternity. All of us together. With Him. Forever.

NATALIE KLEJWA
Apple Valley, Minnesota, USA
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The above testimony is reprinted with permission from the book, Three Decades of Fertility.

Three Decades of Fertility
Compiled by Natalie Klejwa

Stories of ten women who embraced babies in their twenties, thirties, and forties! Each one with a different story, shares honestly of their joys and hardships and how they learned to trust God through every trial. You will learn and be encouraged.

Go to: http://tinyurl.com/3DecadesFertility

Motherhood | Tears of Grief and Tears of Joy

Tears of Grief and Tears of Joy

JRodriguesFamilyMy husband proposed to me in a horse and buggy in Central Park, NYC and we were married on October 4, 1997. One of the things God impressed upon our hearts at the beginning of our marriage was to let God control my womb and to welcome as many children into our home as God wanted. I was 18 years old when we married and we were excited that I conceived right away. However, a couple of months later, I had a severe miscarriage. Grief and tears flowed heavily as we experienced what it was to lose an unborn child.

Seven months went by and we thought God was NEVER going to give us any more children, but nine months later we had a beautiful baby girl! As I held her for the first time I could not help thinking what an absolute MIRACLE she was. This time my husband and I cried tears of joy!

Five Children in Four Years!

A little short of eleven months later, we had a boy. Sixteen months later we had another girl. Eleven months later another girl. And 13 months later another boy. Our oldest had just turned four years old and we had five children! How we rejoiced that God had shown us mercy and given us the desire of our hearts!

However, with practically five babies in the house and my husband working long hours, the work on my shoulders was immense. I didn't normally mind the "challenge" of it all. However, one Christmas we packed our bags to visit family. I remember rising from the spare room's bed to wash, dress, and care for all the children before we went out to the kitchen for breakfast. The children had been battling the flu and I was also feeling lousy! My whole body ached and the sick children were cranky. I felt like collapsing onto the bed, but duty called. I had five children that needed help unwrapping gifts and messes to be cleaned up, etc.

Forgetting the Dream!

By the time I fell into bed that night, my husband and I looked at each other and had a heart-felt talk. Could we both go on having MORE and MORE children? We convinced ourselves that five children WAS enough despite our original plan to have as many as God wanted us to have. We began the short journey for a couple of months to do natural ways of preventing me from becoming pregnant. One night, we did not guard ourselves, and with mutual peace knew that God would take care of it all and would NOT give us more than we could handle.

Nine in Nine Years!

Sixteen months later, I gave birth to another boy. Eighteen months later another boy. Thirteen months later another girl. Then, 14 1/2 months later another girl. We now had nine beautiful children with our oldest being nine years old. What a blessing they were and what joy they brought into our home! I turned the age of 30 years old and did not conceive another baby until our youngest was 18 months old (our longest gap so far).

At that time, God called my husband into full-time ministry. I remember the day that we were officially going into the ministry. I was outside doing yard work and all of the sudden felt a "P-O-P!" I never babied myself very much during pregnancy and did not think much of it. However, I went inside to the bathroom, wiped, and saw blood! Oh No! I panicked and called my husband right away.

String of Miscarriages

He came home and we called our mid-wife. We went to the hospital the next day to see on a sonogram a perfect 12 week old baby with NO heart-beat! We chose to have the pending miscarriage naturally at home. We waited a couple of days and I went on with my mothering duties and piano recitals, etc. I cried and waited some more. Finally, the intense bleeding and miscarriage began and my husband rushed home. I bled heavily, like a faucet, for hours! After losing another huge surge of blood, I passed out. I remember my husband calling my name, but I was too weak to open my eyes or respond. He quickly called the mid-wife and 911.

The ambulance came and rushed me to hospital where they continued to let me hemorrhage for another eight hours. I passed in and out and they offered me blood transfusions. I refused at first, but slowly grew weaker and whiter. I was so weak I could hardly move. I KNEW something had to be done. They finally called the doctor and rushed me in for an emergency D&C. The reason for all my bleeding was that part of my placenta was stuck in utero. I lost over 60 percent of my blood so they administered four units of blood through transfusion and wanted to give me a fifth, but I refused. I was still weak, but knew that I would live, praise God!

I became pregnant two more times after that and lost both of those babies! People counseled us to be DONE! How much more could I take? It was better for the nine we had to have a Mama than to lose her while trying to have another baby! The criticism bothered us sometimes, but by God's grace, we remained firm in our decision and continued to trust God Whom we KNEW was capable of handling all of this in His own perfect way!

I got pregnant again (now my 14th pregnancy) and we were THRILLED to have a full-term birth to a beautiful baby girl. Our youngest was now over three years old. This new baby felt like SUCH a miracle to me. During my labor and delivery, I got to 10 cm and the midwife discovered that the baby was in an "undeliverable" breach position. My water had already broken, so it was VERY hard to turn the baby. After two hours later of intense pain and the baby's heart-rate dropping very low every time I had a contraction, she was delivered! Hallelujah! We cried when we held her in our arms!

During all this time, my husband had given up his jobs and was now in total full-time ministry. We had moved from NY State to West Virginia and were excited to pursue God's perfect will for our lives. Our faith was greatly tested in so many ways! Not only from the heart-wrenching loss of our babies, but trusting God to provide for our every need! There were times we got discouraged (and still sometimes do) but we have seen God prove Himself to us so many times, that how can we NOT trust Him?

When our littlest was seven months old, I got pregnant again. We were so excited! Now that I had had a good pregnancy after the string of miscarriages, I felt confident that all would go well this time. I had spotted a couple of times, but that stopped and I tried not to worry. However, at 14 1/2 weeks, I went to the bathroom only to experience that heart-sinking sight of blood on the tissue. Our worst fears were confirmed again as we gazed at another precious baby with NO heart-beat!

FIVE miscarriages! Why was this happening to me? I had so many questions. We had given our ALL to God and it felt like we were being punished. I examined my heart and found a LOT of pride. I was "Super-Woman" who could "do it all" and boast to others of how many children I had! I fell to my knees and begged for forgiveness. I was reminded of how many women cannot even have children! "Oh, Lord, please cleanse me of pride and self-will. Help me remember that this is not only a journey of accepting healthy babies into our home, but also trusting You in times of loss!"

Sixteen Souls for Heaven So Far

I conceived again and was riddled with worry. Surely I would lose this one too! God convicted me to STOP worrying and TRUST HIM! It was then that PEACE came! We delivered another beautiful baby girl on November 27, 2013. We now have eleven healthy children (seven girls and four boys) on this earth and we eagerly await meeting in Heaven someday the five we lost.

God has kept His promise to me in 1 Timothy 2:15, "Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety." I know not what lies ahead in my journey of life, but I know Who marks the way. I can trust Him, even in hard times.

JILL RODRIGUES
Newton, West Virginia, USA
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Motherhood | The Heart Strings of Your Children

The Heart Strings of Your Children

Collins FamilyWe live in a world that prides itself in being "connected." Most adults have at least one "smart" gadget: phone, tablet, laptop, etc. We are constantly being interrupted by sounds of alarms (Time to feed the dog!), jingles announcing telephone calls and voicemails ("Hi Kate—got your e-mail. Hope my call helped you to find your phone. Again."), buzzing of text messages (Cn U rd ths?) and trumpets announcing the sound of e-mails being delivered again, and again, and again (Free shipping through midnight!). Our attention is being pulled in twenty directions at once, all because of the technology that is supposed to help us stay connected. With it. Plugged in to the lives of our friends and family.

But does it help us stay connected?

Have you glanced around a restaurant recently while waiting for your food? More often than not, whole families can be sitting together (dinner together is good), each one staring at their laps while their thumbs do the talking to those who aren't present (ignoring each other is bad). When we allow gadgets to become glued to our hands, we allow our hearts to become unglued from the real people in our lives.

Mothers are the queens of multitasking. We were designed by our Creator to be able to hold a baby on one hip, brown beef with the other hand, direct the toddler to share his trucks with our voice, shoo the dog from the kitchen with a toe and hear the buzz of the clothes dryer announcing the beginning of the Race Against Wrinkles. In a flash, we can pull the meat from the heat, grasp the boy's hand, traipse down the hallway, sit the baby in the laundry basket full of clean, warm clothes, and hug a toddler in our lap while we fold. Where does a "smart" gadget fit into this scenario? It doesn't.

Mobile Phone Bad Behavior (MPBB) is on the rise, and it calls for drastic measures. Restrict gadget time! Cut MPBB from your life!

As Mommas, we need to make sure that our babies know that they come first in our hearts, in our minds, and in our lives. When we are constantly only glancing at them over a shiny gadget, love is not the message we communicate. We should behold our babies as the apples of our eyes! And too often, we give them a distracted "in a minute" response, while we answer a text or send just one more e-mail.

Grown-ups often overlook babies. Have you ever watched adults when they are addressing a family? Most never speak to the youngest children. And they very rarely make eye contact with babies. They speak over their heads as if they are not even present. I try my best to smile directly at every baby I have the chance to talk to. Did you know that, more often than not, a baby will return your smile when you genuinely smile at him or her?

Babies are some of the best studiers of non-verbal cues of any people on earth. They can feel the tense muscles of the arm that holds them. They notice immediately if there is a smile lacking on the face that hovers over them to change a diaper or offer a bottle. Babies know instantly if your eyes are on them, but your thoughts are elsewhere. When we allow our hearts to become distracted, it shows in every feature and in every muscle of our bodies. And our babies see it and feel it. And they become troubled and fussy as a result.

The very first verse of the Love Chapter, as it is so called, declares that if one speaks with the tongues of men or angels without love, anything beautiful that might be forthcoming is only loud and ear-splitting, like a cymbal that is out of step with the rest of the orchestra. When we finally put down our gadget and truly engage with our children "when they are old enough to know the difference," we don't want to find that after years of being second (or third or twelfth) in our thoughts . . . our children have effectively tuned us out. Just as we have tuned them out for so long. We become a cymbal clanging in their ears, rather than a voice of love and wisdom, guiding them through the paths of their lives.

Our babies have a right to expect the undivided attention of their Mommas. Would we ever expect to be taken seriously in our adult interactions if we never maintained eye contact with those we spoke to? Of course we wouldn't. Why would we expect our babies to instantly feel connected to us when we choose, occasionally, to make them the focus of our attention? Our children do not come with on/off buttons. They are "on" all the time, observing, learning, and surveying the world they live in. We need to reassure our little ones that they are a million-zillion times more important than anything that could flash across the screen of our gadgets.

Technology does have its place. I'm writing this sentence on a computer. I own a shiny smart phone. But God has given me a shiny new baby to love and cuddle and teach and raise for His glory . . . and I'm choosing to make that baby (all my babies!) my priority, above social networking and "connectedness." I've learned to keep my phone where I can't hear it most of the day. I keep the sound off most of the time. I have carved out half an hour in the morning and another half an hour in the evening for gadget-ing and answering e-mails. Truth be told, I don't miss anything I can't catch up on later. There was a time before instant messaging—about 5,000 years, to be exact—when people spoke with each other face-to-face, without the help of miniature screens. They wrote to each other with real paper and ink, without acronyms, the dropping of letters, and send buttons. People invested in each other, rather than the latest new gismo.

God has given us all the "smarts" we need to fulfill His calling for us on this planet. And to conquer the quests He has called us to. By allowing a "smart" techno gadget to think for us, we are turning off the brain He has given us to engage and leaving behind a world of real, flesh-and-blood relationships for the artificial imitations. Those closest to us suffer the most from our disconnected and disjointed communication. Gadgets can be great tools, but all too often they become tyrants that steal one of the most precious and irreplaceable commodities that the Lord has given us: time.

Our babies are only with us for a very short time in the whole-life view of things, and if we spend the majority of their childhood with our eyes tracking on a screen rather than on them, we are in danger of severing one of the most precious gifts God has given to us as parents: the heart strings of our children.

KATE COLLINS
San Antonio, Texas, USA
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Reprinted with permission from Kate Collin's book, DELIGHT-FULL, 31 Days to a Happier Baby ... And Wholehearted Motherhood.

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