WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO CLEAVE?
Part 4

“I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine.”
(Song of Songs 6:3).

Today we look at the last three Hebrews words used for “cleave.”

8. ABIDE/STAY CLOSE HERE

We find these words in the book of Ruth. Let’s read in Ruth 2:8, 33 (HCSB): “Then Boaz said to Ruth, ‘Listen, my daughter. Don’t go and gather grain in another field, and don’t leave this one, but STAY HERE CLOSE (dabaq) . . . Ruth STAYED CLOSE (dabaq) . . .“

God’s Word is not an ordinary book. Every line is alive with the power of God. Every story of a Bible character is not only a story about their lives but written for our example. 1 Corinthians 10:11 says: “Now all these things happened unto them for examples: and they are written for our admonition, upon whom the ends of the world are come.”

Although the above words were spoken directly to Ruth, I believe God also speaks His word to every mother through this Scripture. He says to us: “Don’t go and glean in another field. I have given you your field in which to glean. It is my perfect and best will for you.  Don’t leave it. Stay close.”

If God has given you children, then this is the field He has given to you. He doesn’t give you children to give to someone else to look after. He gives them to you to love, nurture, train, and prepare for the future and for eternity.

Ruth could have looked over at other fields and thought, “Oh, there is so much more to glean over there, but now I am stuck here.” Instead, she submitted to Boaz’ words and ultimately received incredible blessings. She was blessed to marry Boaz. She became the great-grandmother of King David and in the Messianic line of the birth of Jesus.

These words also speak into our marriages because it is the same word that is used to describe marriage. God wants you to stay close to your husband. He doesn’t want you to look at any other man. If you are tempted, resist these destructive thoughts in the power of the name of Jesus. Stay close to your husband. Don’t compare your marriage with another marriage. This is your marriage and it will be different and special to you and your husband.

You can have the greatest marriage as you make it the greatest marriage. But you need to work in your field of marriage.

9. KEEP

Numbers 36:7, 9, 12 speak about keeping to our own inheritance. God wants you to keep to your own marriage. He wants you to find your sustenance, satisfaction, delight, and inheritance in your own marriage.

Read Proverbs 5:15-20 which is an allegory of private property versus common property and this Scripture reveals that marriage is private property. Verse 15 and 17  (AMP) say: “Drink water from your own cistern (of a pure marriage relationship) and fresh running water from your own well . . . Confine Yourself to your own wife. Let your children be yours alone, and not the children of strengthens with you.”

Our wedding vows also use the word “keep.”

“Wilt thou have this man to be thy wedded husband to live together after God’s ordinance in the Holy Estate of matrimony? Wilt thou love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all other keep thee only unto him as long as you both shall live?”

We covenant to keep ourselves only for our husband.

10. JOINED

We find this word in the description about the leviathan in Job 41:15-17 (HCSB): “His pride is in his rows of scales, CLOSELY SEALED TOGETHER (dabaq). One scale is so close to another that no air can pass between them. “ They are joined so closely that they cannot be separated.

When Jesus was on earth, He took Genesis 2:14 to a higher level. When answering the Pharisees about marriage, He said in Matthew 19:4, 5 (            HCSB): “’Haven’t’ you read,’ He replied, ‘that He who created them in the beginning made them male and female,’ and He also said: ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh? So they are no longer two, but one flesh.’”

Jesus not only confirmed God’s original words but elevated them to a greater level: “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, man must not sperate.’”

This means they are to be glued together, never to come apart. We are to be glued together so that we make it difficult for anything or anyone to pull us apart.

My grandson said to me recently, “Nana, they call a husband and wife a couple. But doesn’t God say they are one?

“Yes, you are absolutely correct,” I replied.

Maybe, rather than saying, “Look at that lovely couple walking along,” we should say, “What a lovely “oneness” walking together.”

PRAYER:

“Dear Father, please help me to remember that my husband and I are not two but one. You want us to be one—physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. Pease help me to create this oneness together. Amen.”

AFFIRMATION:

I’m keeping my own vineyard and my own marriage.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO CLEAVE?
Part 3

“His mouth is most sweet: yea, he is altogether lovely.
This is my beloved, and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem.”
(Song of Songs 5:16).

We continue looking at the words to describe cleave.

5. FOLLOW CLOSE

God warned the people through the prophet Jeremiah that He would send them to Babylon. This was God’s judgment upon them because of their sin. However, they thought they could avoid judgment by going down to Egypt. But Jeremiah spoke the word of the Lord in Jeremiah 42:16: “The sword, which ye feared, shall overtake you there in the land of Egypt, and the famine, whereof ye were afraid, shall follow close (dabaq) after you there in Egypt.”     

This time the Bible uses the words “follow close.” This is also a lovely meaning of “cleave.” We must follow close to our husbands. We don’t allow rifts to come between us. Life is not perfect and neither husband or wife always say or do everything that is right. Often an aloofness can come between you because you feel hurt by the way your spouse has spoken to you or treated you. But we must not allow this aloofness to become a “cold font.” Even if we don’t feel like it, we all must do whatever we need to do to bring back the closeness. This is what it means to cleave, and this is what marriage is all about.

We don’t automatically stay close. We work at staying close together. Have you allowed a distance to come into your relationship? What can you do today to bridge that gap again? It won’t be easy, but this is what you must do. For your own sake. For the sake of your marriage. For the sake of your children. And for the sake of generations to come!

6. STICK TO/CLING TO

Psalm 119:31: “I have stuck (dabaq) unto thy testimonies: O LORD put me not to shame.” The psalmist sticks to and cleaves to God’s Word. This word is used in the context of sticking to our marriage, sticking to God’s Word, and sticking close to God. That’s why marriage is a picture of our relationship with God. Our marriage relationship reveals to all around us what our relationship with God is like.

What does it mean to stick to God’s testimonies and stick to our marriages? Other translations say: “hold tight, hold fast, and cling tightly.”

7. TAKE

The word dabaq is translated “take” in Genesis 19:19: “I cannot escape to this mountain lest some soul take me, and I die.” As we read this, we realize that “taking” is not a little tap on the shoulder but the complete capturing of someone.

We now look at another nuance of this word. When we marry, the husband captures his wife and she becomes his. She belongs to no one else but him! The wife captures her husband and he belongs to no one else but her! That’s it. Period.

We confess this word in our vows on our wedding day. Do you remember?

“I TAKE thee to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, and in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, and to obey, till death do us part according to God’s holy ordinance, and thereto I pledge thee my troth.”

By the way, you may not have said the word “troth” on your wedding day. These are the original wedding vows. But it’s a good word and means “faithfulness and loyalty when pledging a solemn agreement.”

“Cleave” or “take” is a verb. It’s not passive. Not only on our wedding day, but each new day we “take” our husbands again for better for worse! I think it is more exciting to think of capturing our husbands. Why not capture your husband today and let him know tangibly how much you love him?

PRAYER:

“Dear Father, please teach me how to follow close to my husband and to reveal to all around me a picture of the relationship of Christ and the church. Amen.”

AFFIRMATION

I take my husband without reservations today, tomorrow, and each new day.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO CLEAVE?
Part 2

“Draw me, we will run after thee . . .”
(Song of Songs 1:4).

Now that we have learned how important it is to leave, we must discover what it truly means to cleave. This Hebrew word dabaq is translated by 10 different English words in the King James Bible. As we look at each one, we come to a greater understanding of how to cleave.

1.     CLEAVE

This is the word that is used in the King James Bible in Genesis 2:24. It means “to cling to, to adhere to, to be stuck to, to hold fast, and to be joined.” Most modern translations used the word “united” which I don’t think is as strong as cleave.

            I love the quote of John Piper who wrote: “There has never been a generation whose view of marriage is high enough.” I believe this is true. I don’t think any of us understand the fullness  and glory of God’s estimate of marriage. God speaks of being married to Israel and uses “cleave” to reveal this relationship between Him and His people Israel, and in the New Testament of Christ and His bride, the church.

            Let’s look at some Old Testament Scriptures. As you read them, relate the words to your marriage.

            Deuteronomy 10:20: “Thou shalt fear the LORD thy God, him shalt thou serve, and to him shalt thou cleave.” Read also Deuteronomy 11:21, 22 and 30:19, 20.

            Deuteronomy 13:4: “Ye shall walk after the LORD your God, and fear him, and keep his commandments, and obey his voice, and ye shall serve him, and cleave unto him.” Go back and read this Scripture again. Did you notice six things God wants us to do toward Him?

            Notice six things again in Joshua 20:5: “But take diligent heed to do the commandment and the law . . . to love the LORD your God, and to walk in all his ways and to keep his commandments, and to cleave unto him, and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul.” Did you count six?

             Jeremiah 13:11 tells us: “For as the girdle cleaveth to the loins of a man, so have I caused to cleave unto me the whole house of Israel and the whole house of Judah, saith the LORD; that they might be unto me for a people, and for a name, and for a praise, and for a glory.” This is the relationship God wanted with His people Israel. This is the relationship God wants us to have in our marriage. When we cleave to one another in marriage, we reveal the picture of our relationship with God and Christ. And when we live this lifestyle, our marriages will be a praise and glory to God in this world.

2.     OVERTOOK

Judges 18:22 tells how the Israelites pursued the Benjaminites and “overtook” them in the battle. How did they overtake them? They had to chase after them. I can’t imagine them idling along as though they were out for a Sunday School picnic. They chased after them with every ounce of their strength. Now ladies, this is the same word that is used for our marriage relationship.

            We are to chase after our husbands with love, kindness, and ministering help to them.

3.     PURSUED

We read this word again in the battle of Benjamin and the rest of Israel. Judges 20:45 tells us that they “pursued hard after them.” That day they killed 25,000 Benjaminites that were all men of valor.

4.     FOLLOWED HARD

This is the third word for dabaq that is used in the context of battle.

            1 Samuel; 14:22 tells how the men of Israel “followed hard” after the Philistines in battle and defeated them.    

            1 Samuel 31:2; 2 Samuel 1:6; and 1 Chronicles 10:2 tell the sad story of how the Philistines “followed hard upon Saul and upon his sons.” This time the Israelites were defeated, and Saul and his three sons were killed.

            David, who was one of the greatest warriors of all time used the same analogy of chasing the enemy for his passion for chasing after God. In Psalm 63:8 he says: “My soul followeth hard after thee.”

Are you getting the picture of what it really mans to cleave? It is not a casual thing. When warriors “follow hard” after the enemy, they exert every ounce of their physical strength and mental concentration. Their adrenaline pumps. The sweat pours off them. They are not thinking of another thing except to defeat the enemy.

            We learn two things from these words. Firstly, we must be vigilant in pursuing the devil and his cohorts who want to bring down and defeat our marriages. The devil hates marriage. He wants to break up your marriage. But you must be alert. Pounce on any suggestion the enemy brings to your mind to weaken your marriage. Go hard after the enemy and kick him out.

            1 Peter 5:8 says: “Be sober, be vigilant; be because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: Whom resist steadfast in the faith . . .”

            Secondly, on the positive side, we must “follow hard” after our spouse. Do you notice that it doesn’t say to follow, but to follow hard? Does your love feel a little cold in your marriage? Chase after your husband with love and devotion. Think of new and creative ways to show your love to him. Exert every bit of your physical and mental strength. Pursue him like a warrior in battle.

PRAYER:

“Oh God, I am sorry for taking my marriage lightly. Please help me to understand how You see marriage. Please help me and show me how to chase after my husband with tangible ways of loving him. Amen.”

AFFIRMATION:

I am not settling for an average marriage. I’m pursuing my husband with all my mind and strength.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO LEAVE AND CLEAVE?

 “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother,
and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh”
(Genesis 2:24).

To be married, we must do three things: leave, cleave, and become one flesh.

We are going to discover what it truly means “to cleave.” However, before we can cleave, we must first leave. The word “leave” is azab and means “to loosen, relinquish, forsake.” This doesn’t mean that we forget about our parents. We continue to enjoy a loving and close relationship with them. However, we must understand that when we get married, we begin a new family.

The husband is now responsible to provide for his wife. He doesn’t rely on his parents to provide for her. He must leave the dependence upon his parents for provision to “man up,” work hard, and provide for his new wife and coming family. The wife no longer relies upon her parents for provision, but upon her husband. He is now her provider and protector. She now looks to her husband for her needs instead of her parents.

She no longer looks to her parents for protection and leadership. She looks to her husband and he must rise up to take this privilege and responsibility.

Both leave behind their single lives which have often been motivated by selfishness. The young husband cannot do what he likes when he likes any longer. He is responsible for his wife—and preparing to provide for children to come. And if the couple are not thinking about coming children, they are not yet ready for marriage.

The couple leaves behind their single socialness. Of course, they will enjoy friendships with other couples and families, but never again will they go on a date, or even for a cup of coffee with a friend of the opposite sex. Marriage is “forsaking all others.” There are too many couples who think they can spend time on their own with the opposite sex. It never works. It destroys the marriage. When you get married you are no longer two PEOPLE , but one (Matthew 19:5).

The couple will no longer hang out with their single friends in the way they did before. They leave behind this lifestyle. It is a new lifestyle. Once again, it doesn’t mean they will discard their old friends. They can invite them to a meal at their home, but they won’t spend time “hanging out” with them when they could be with their spouse.

When a new baby is born, someone cuts the umbilical cord so the baby can be released to grow into its new life in this world. When a daughter or son marry, they also must cut the umbilical cord to their parents so they can experience the fulness of their new life as a married couple.

 We must leave when we begin the marriage, but I believe we continue leaving all throughout our marriage. We make the decision to leave when other relationships could take precedence over our marriage relationship. If friendships with others are overclouding our marriage relationship, we step back and leave!

It can often be a temptation when difficult financial times arise in a marriage to go back to wealthy parents. But once again, we must remember that we have left! Of course, many parents will help their married children financially, but even when they bless us, we must remember that our dependence is not upon them. We can continue to be blessed by their words of encouragement and wisdom into our lives, but they no longer have the right to dominate or exercise final authority.

When you face a dilemma in your marriage, you will often know the answer by adhering to the “leave and cleave” truth. For example, “Do I need to leave this situation or relationship? If it is going to weaken your “cleaving relationship” in any way, the answer is to leave. “Will becoming involved in this organization or group weaken my “cleaving relationship” with my husband?” If so, don’t do it. “If I do this thing, will it help me to cleave more to my husband?” If not, don’t do it. Get the picture?

It is very interesting to note that when God established this principle of “therefore shall a man leave his father and mother,” there was yet no father and mother on the earth! God was laying down His foundation of truth for marriage for all future generations.

This message is so important that Jesus emphasized it again in Matthew 19:4-6 and Paul revealed the truth again in Ephesians 5:22-33. Paul spoke of marriage as the great mystery of revealing the relationship of Christ and His beloved bride, the church. Verses 31 and 32 say: “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.”

When we come to Christ, we leave behind our old life, our old relationships, and our old ways. We are now joined to Christ and one with Him. We have entered a new kingdom, the kingdom of Christ, and we embark on living a totally new lifestyle. Our marriage relationship pictures this great truth. How important that we do not disfigure this beautiful picture.

Blessings from Nancy Campbell

www.aboverubies.org

PRAYER:

‘Thank You, dear Father, that marriage is Your design. You chose this earthly way of revealing your heavenly and ultimate plan of the marriage of Jesus Christ to His bride, the church. Please help me to live in such a way that I show a true example of this truth through our marriage. Amen.”

AFFIRMATION:

I joyfully leave any situation or any organization that weakens cleaving to my husband.