From Our Home to Yours w/ Nancy Campbell

 

Episode 9: Pound your Stakes Deep!

 

Rocky: Welcome to the podcast, FROM OUR HOME TO YOURS w/ Nancy Campbell, founder and publisher of Above Rubies.

Nancy: It's lovely to come into your home today, and I send you love from our home. Now this is actually July 4th week. I say “week” because we usually have July 4th day, don't we? But it seems that, in our home, it's a whole week. We've just had such a wonderful week, lots of wonderful folks staying with us and staying with some of our other families on the hilltop. I have with us today, Allison Hartman. She and her husband and their beautiful family of 10 children have been staying with us for the week. They came for July 4th, and we've had a wonderful time together. This morning, they're packing up, ready to go. But before they left, I said, “Allison, you've got to come and talk to the ladies on the pod.” I know you're going to enjoy listening to Allison. They have, as I said, 10 children, such beautiful children, ranging from 19 years down to five months.

Nancy: How did you come to have 10 children? Did you plan that when you started?

Allison: Oh, definitely not, definitely not. When we first got married, we had pretty much agreed to limit it to four. That sounded like a good, reasonable number. And then my mother-in-law actually introduced me to the Above Rubies' magazine. I went to a ladies retreat, and the whole concept of letting God decide the size of our family was new to me, but it made sense. We trust God with everything else in our lives, but most people don't trust Him with the size of their family. That's a little scary to do. So when I went home and shared that with my husband, he was completely on board, and he said he actually had wanted 12 children, but he didn't want to scare me off when we were dating. So we pretty much, at that point, decided to not worry about the numbers, whether we have a large or small family but just basically leave it up to God.

Nancy: And you have been blessed. They have the most wonderful children. Anyway, Allison came to a number of Above Rubies' retreats and then she decided to organize some herself because she is an organizer. I think you put on about three ladies' retreats, and they were just so great because when Allison organizes something, wow, it's power-packed. And now, her and her husband, Daniel, have organized four family Above Rubies retreats down in Panama, right on the beach. And they have just been the most beautiful, wonderful time of families coming together. In fact, they've becomes so popular now. And our Above Rubies family retreats and our ladies retreats are usually just for a weekend, but now this family retreat, it's not enough for them, just a weekend. Although we have the main part of the retreat for the weekend, a good part of the families . . . How many would you say? About 80 percent?

Allison: I would say about 80 percent.

Nancy: Yes. They all come for a whole week to enjoy the fellowship together and enjoy the beautiful sunshine and the beach. You're ready to go for next year?

Allison: We are. We already have probably 20-25 families that have reserved their cabin.

Nancy: When is it next year?

Allison: The end of April. So it'll be April 25th through May 2nd if you're staying the whole week. But the conference itself will be Thursday through Sunday.

Nancy: Yes, it's going to be an exciting time. We had people in this last retreat, this year in April, we had a family that came all the way from New Zealand, right down at the bottom of the world. And they brought, I think they had seven children. Yes, all the way from New Zealand. We had a family drive all the way from Idaho.

Allison: Four days driving.

Nancy: And they want to come again.

Allison: They want to move. They want to move down here.

Nancy: Yes. So anyway, maybe you should start thinking about coming. It'll be such an amazing time. Anyway, now that your children are growing, your oldest daughter is 19, and you also have a family business. Tell the ladies, how do you keep the family together? I know you and Daniel have such a vision to keep your family together. Tell us how you do it in the midst of your busy schedule?

Allison: I think you definitely see a trend with families nowadays coming and going, and one parent takes one to some sport, and another parent takes another. Everybody's everywhere, and there is no unity. And that has been something that Daniel has felt like is so important that he's almost made it like a rule in our house that we will have dinner together. It may be at a restaurant. Very often, it is. It may be just grabbing something quickly, sitting down and eating. But we always try to eat as a family.

We also limit extracurricular. We have three boys that would love to play just about every sport because they love sports. But we've just decided it's not going to work. It's not going to be worth it to have every child on a different ball field at dinner time.

We do let our girls. They're really good in volleyball, so we do play volleyball, but we go as a family. We go and watch them as a family. They go to the same practices and that sort of thing. The other thing we do is, if they come to us and ask, “Hey, can I be a part of this? Can I be a part of that?” My first question is always, is it something we could do as a family? Is that a reasonable activity that isn't going to pull them away from our family for too long? And that's just really been something we have, Daniel has taken it very seriously because we see it's very much a problem I think in today's families.

Nancy: Yes, I agree with you Allison. I do believe, dear ladies, we should make every decision regarding our families or what we're doing with our children or what they want to do while they're under our roof, that every decision we make, we should make it in the light of strengthening families. We should say, “Now, is this going to weaken our family? Is it going to fragment our family? Is it going to make us go in all directions?” If it is, I would say, don't do it. That's your answer. But if it's something that will strengthen your family togetherness, keep you together as a family unit, yes, do it. And I believe we should use that criteria for making the decisions of what we do in our family lives. It's so easy to get pulled by what everybody else does.

We truly are like sheep, aren't we? We follow one another and, of course, what does everybody do today? I mean, in public education, they promote the extra-curricular activities, but same in homeschooling. I see homeschooling mothers totally, oh goodness me, they are so overwhelmed. They're driving their children here and there, to this, to that, to everything, and the family gets fragmented, and I don't believe we have to do it.

Now, maybe you're right in the middle of raising your children, and you think, wow, if I don't do this, my children are not going to grow up well-grounded. They're not going to have all these opportunities. Well, I'm looking at it from a different angle. My children have grown. We're now having great-grandchildren. In fact, we had another little grandbaby born to our family this July 4th week so that was exciting. I'm now looking at it at the other end.

I look at my children. Some of them are in their fifties now. And I see, oh, are they okay because I didn't take them to all these extra-curricular activities? And actually, I didn't, because back in those days I didn't even have an extra car, so I was stuck. I couldn't take them if I wanted to, but if they had to go to something, they had to walk. And, of course, I wouldn't have allowed them anyway if it was going to fragment our family life.

And I look at them today, they are all doing, they are fulfilling what God intended them to. They never missed out on one thing and so don't think you have to do these things. I found that choosing to do that which strengthens the family is the most powerful thing that we can do. In fact, even for family meal times, as Allison said, they make sure they eat together as a family.

I am such a believer in this. And even as our children grew, they left school, they went out into the workforce, but some of them were still living at home. While they were under our roof, they had to be home for the evening meal unless it was something special. Oh, you don't live by rigid rules. There can be special things that happen, and you change the plans. But on a whole, the family habit was we all came together for that evening meal, to strengthen the family.

Let me read you a scripture. I love Isaiah 54:2: “Enlarge the place of your tent and let them stretch forth the curtains of thine habitations. Spare not, lengthen thy cords and strengthen thy stakes." Now, those people were living in tents. I guess you have done a bit of camping. And if you camp in a tent and you don't pull those ropes tight and lengthen them, the tent sags doesn't it? It sags in the middle, and you haven't got much room. To make the most of the room, you've got to pull those ropes really tight and lengthen them as far as you can and strengthen your stakes.

Oh my. I love that word. Can I just give it to you in one or two other translations? I love the New English Translation, and it says: "Pound your stakes deep." I like to take that for my goal in establishing family life. Every decision I make, the way I plan things, it's all POUNDING MY STAKES DEEP. What do you think about that, Allison?

Allison: So good. And I was just thinking, you know, if you do allow your children to get a part of other curricular, they're building relationships with other people outside their family instead of going in the backyard and spending time with their siblings or their cousins or their parents. And those are the relationships we want to strengthen. There's nothing wrong with having friends, but if you're spending so much of your time, you're not strengthening your own family walls. You're strengthening maybe some childhood friendships, but we don't know whether those will even last. Sometimes they do, but very often they don't. I mean, I don't keep up with people.

Nancy: I don't remember one . . . well, I can remember them, but I don't have any association with one childhood friend. But it's family that keeps together.

Another translation, the New English Bible says: "Let out the ropes to the full, drive the pegs home." I like that too. And the Holman translation (HCSB): "Drive your pegs deep." Do you think you could take that today, ladies? Take it as a goal. In everything you do, pound your stakes deep. Make that the motto of your family life so that in everything you do, it's something that strengthens the family.

Now, that actually hits home. You know, many times we think, oh goodness me, I just need time for myself, and I want to get involved in this, and I want to get involved in that. Well, that's okay to a limited extent, but when we're raising a family, we have to be careful, I believe as mothers, not getting too involved so much in all these other outside things that we're pulled to get involved in. Because that takes us away from the family, that fragments the family, and sometimes women are involved in things that take them even away from family meal times. Sometimes they're even working at a family meal time. My, that's when the mother needs to be there. This is where we're pounding our stakes in deep, and this is what we've got to do. Oh, you have a lifetime. Your children are going to grow. This time of raising them, you may think it's going on and on at this moment. But my, as I look back, it was just like one blink of my eye. Oh, I am just so grateful that I was there with my children, and I just wanted to pound the stakes in.

And so be encouraged to do that today, precious ladies. I've got to ask you another question, but before I do, I must tell you, we had the greatest July 4th. The night before we finished putting in a volleyball court. Over the last five days or so the young people haven't gotten off the court until it is pitch dark. I mean, I look out in the morning, and they're playing; they're playing there until it's dark. And Allison's children are pretty good volleyball players. We had all these Floridians with us, and we had the competitions between the Tennesseans and the Floridians, and it was pretty hot competition, but they just played often. I mean, I think yesterday I was out watching them in the afternoon, and they were just teams going back and forth, and they had to make up teams because there were about 36 young people who wanted to be on the teams.

In fact, Friday night we had a potluck, with just our families on the hilltop and those staying with us, and we had counted 84, and then we had a big quiz which was so fun and then we had improv. The young people have been having a glorious time together. It's so wonderful, isn't it, for young people to meet with other godly young people?

Allison: Those are relationships that were built from the Above Rubies' family camp.

Nancy: That's true.

Allison: They've been going for years and years and really building friendships with these other people.

Nancy: Can I tell you a secret? My dream is that at our Above Rubies' family camps, there will be young people who meet one another, and God brings couples together. I can't think of any more wonderful place and that's why we encourage the families to bring their young people. Our grandson, Zadok, gets with the young people and inspires them. Colin and I met at a family camp, and I guess that's why I think, what a wonderful place to meet.

Now, let's talk about other things your children do. You really encourage them to get into businesses, don't you? Even at a young age. Tell us about some of them.

Allison: Yeah, we do. Obviously, we are self-employed, and we own a photography business, which they all help out with that, and it's become a real family business.

 

Nancy: It's amazing. The whole family goes?

Allison: We do. As they get older, I get more employees out of it too because this past Easter, which is one of our busiest seasons, we didn't have any employees outside the family. All of my little ones, from our seven-year-old on up, they had a different job.

We really encourage them to, if they're interested in something or they feel like they have a product or a service that they can market, we try to encourage them to do that. So one thing, we have a lot of chickens, so we have a ton of eggs. Well, we can't eat all those eggs, and it teaches our boys responsibility that they have to feed the chickens, they have to gather the eggs, they have to wash the eggs.

Nancy: And they give you the dirty ones.

Allison: Yes, I get the ones that are not cleaned. But they will take them to a market or to our business store front, and they'll sell them for a reasonable price, but they still get the concept that money doesn't grow on trees. The Bible says if you don't work, you don't eat. Well, most young people like to eat, so we let them know if you're going to eat, you need to help out. There's nothing wrong with that. We're a team. Our family is a team, and we can't do it without one of them. So we've done the eggs.

Nancy: And then how did the boys help you or how do they all help with the photography? Do they all have certain animals or something they look after?

Allison: They did. Well, we do Easter portraits with live animals. We will have bunnies and chicks and ducks and a baby lamb, and all that is a lot of work. So even the little ones will help by running and getting daddy a baby duck or a baby chick. Maybe the younger boys will help with feeding the animals, making sure they all have food and water and their cages are clean. My big girls, wow, I couldn't do it without them, the 14 and the 16 year old. They are amazing at getting smiles out of little ones and that's important. I mean, parents don't want their pictures unless their little ones look happy. So they are the best smile-getters. We even have customers that request them. I have to make sure Eden's there, make sure Hally's there, and they love these children.

And then Makenna is my little saleswoman. She's pretty much taken my job of showing people their pictures and then letting them decide what package they want, but she's wonderful at it. She’s very confident, but yet, she's very kind and patient to customers, and she answers their questions. And people are really starting to respect that my children know what they're doing. They don't think, oh, they're young, so they don't know what they're talking about. They do know what they're talking about because they've lived it their whole lives.

Nancy: And I think you told me about them picking mistletoe?

Allison: Yes, yes. When I was young, my brothers would go, we would go up in trees and get mistletoe, and we've kind of carried on that tradition where Daniel will climb up an incredibly high tree and get mistletoe and then we'll break it into sections and put little red bows, and they'll go to a couple of grocery stores in our town, and they'll sell it, donation only, and that's what they use for Christmas money for each other. This past Christmas, there was a struggling grocery store in our area, called Apple Market, that everybody loves. Well, because of the nature of Publix and Walmart, they were pretty much putting them out of business, and it was so sad because this is a grocery store we went to as a kid. So my children said we want to do the mistletoe this year and just give it to Apple Market. You know, the owner was in tears. Seriously, it was amazing. It's a neat thing; they're learning how to work as a team and then they get to enjoy buying people presents. Everyone enjoys that, but it's a lot more fun when it's your money and not mom just gave you money.

Nancy: We did that too. Our children never got money to buy gifts. They had to earn it.

Allison: And I don't really believe in giving them money for doing chores. That's part of living in our house.

Nancy: I don't believe it either. You know, to think you have to get money for everything. It's not teaching our children. There's so much we do in life that we just do out of love and out of giving, and they need to learn that too, especially being part of the family.

Allison: I'm completely okay with them making money on something that they do. My girls have started doing furniture. They will get up early on Saturday morning, and they will go look for furniture at garage sales, and it's so neat because they do it together, which I love. Then they'll come home and show all the family their findings and oh, look at the bed I got for $5. And then they'll spend time. They'll gather their paint and all their supplies, and they'll basically redo these pieces of furniture, and they can really make good money on them. You know, they may spend two or three hours, but they'll sell them and then they have money to do what they want.

You know we're probably going to try to put a sand volleyball court in. Well, they can use their money to put that sand volleyball court in. They're the ones that are going to enjoy it. There's no reason they can't take care of paying for it.

Nancy: Oh, and you also told me about the Moringa trees.

Allison: We did a beach photo shoot for a family a couple of years ago, and the guy was trying to talk us into joining his network marketing where he would sell this Moringa powder. Well, we don't normally do stuff like that, but my husband researched it and discovered that Moringa is just an amazing superfood and that you could grow them just from seed. So he ordered hundreds of seeds and started planting them, and we grew trees that are now 30 feet tall that are only a couple of years old. So it's a fast, fast growing tree. It's amazing, but he would eat the leaves, and you could eat just about everything in them. You can eat the seeds. Well people started hearing about them and thinking, well, I want them for my family. So he and the boys started planting the seeds, and we took about 90 trees to a farmer's market, and they sold every one of them and made about $900 one day. Just my seven, nine, and eleven year- old boys, all by themselves. They had no help from us. Well, not many boys that age can make that kind of money, but it was amazing. I mean, they prepared their soil together. And it's a good thing. It's something that we're teaching them, not just good work ethic, but we're also spreading good health tips to people.

Nancy: Yes. Oh, that's so great. And another thing I think that you've talked to me about, you know, different times when we've been getting together, is the whole concept of college. What are you going to do? Makenna, she's nineteen and you're facing that. What are you coming to?

Allison: Well, you know, Makenna is 19, and she just finished a year in college. And, you know, it's funny. I've been going to your retreats for years, and you've mentioned that, you know, college is just not the end all be all. And I kind of would put that in the back of my mind that, Oh, that's not for our family. We are college people. We went to college. I went to college. My husband almost got a Masters, and we were just assuming that that's what we would do for our children. And then I guess it was last year, it just kind of dawned on me that my whole life, as this family I'm growing, our goal is to be counter-cultural, not go with the flow, not follow what every other family is doing just because every family is doing it. And I realized that that's all college was for us, for teaching our children. I'm not using my college degree. We make great money, and we didn't go to school to be a photographer. Daniel was an engineer, and I was a communication major, and honestly, I think I would do just as well without a communication degree.

Nancy: Oh, that's just your personality!

Allison: It's just the way God made me. I didn't learn anything from a state school that's helping me today.

Nancy: See this is the thing, I believe the Word which says that a man's gift will make room for him and bring him before kings (Proverbs 18;16). It is so true. And I think, dear mothers, we have to learn to trust God and to know that He has put in our children the gifts that He chose for them, that He has put in them. We didn't. I look at my children now because they have grown, and I see the giftings in their lives. They have giftings that I don't have. In fact, I couldn't have even put them into them and no college could have put it into them. In fact, none of them have ever been to college. Even one of my sons, he trades the future markets. He could never learn that in college; that's something you don't learn at college. And in fact, all the things they are doing.

Allison: Well, Serene and Pearl. Serene encouraged Makenna last year that college really would have been a detriment to her because it would have put her in such a box. You're not going to learn how to write an amazing recipe book that's going to become a lifestyle for so many. You just can't learn it there. Now college, you know, there are reasons that some people will go to college and that's okay, if they need the degree; they're wanting to be a doctor or dentist. But as far as putting your children, putting that over them saying, you will go to college before you get married. I just feel like we're limiting our children, which is opposite of what culture says. Culture would say, you're limiting your children by not letting them or encouraging them to go to college. But I say that's just a bunch of junk because I think that what Makenna learns from our business is so valuable.

 

Nancy: Yes. And she's really like you. She's born with marketing ability and organization; it just comes out her ears. In fact, she could go to college for five years and never learn another thing that she's not already doing.

Allison: It would almost inhibit her. It would almost make her, like I said, put her in that box that I don't want her in. I want her to do bigger and greater things than ever I could have.

Nancy: Exactly. That is the thing. We have big visions for our children. Although I have to say, as I was growing my children, yes, I wanted them to do well in life, but I really didn't have any vision for them to be famous or anything like that. I just wanted them to walk with the Lord and to be faithful to God.

But he has done more than that because he has raised them up to do great things. Amazing things. Things that other people have never done before because they were never put in a box, and they just thought that they could do anything. And I think that is even a greater thing. I often like to say that encouragement is the rich soil in which we grow our children to their full destiny. And I think that there's nothing like encouragement and affirming. And being aware of the giftings God gives to our children and opening up opportunities for them, and they're fulfilling who God created them to be.

So many people are in jobs that, oh goodness me, they really are not happy, they're boring, and they're not doing what they were born to do. And sometimes it may be going to a college, especially for a man, a young man, because he does have to be the provider of the home. And there are some things he will have to get a college degree, which can be done online or even he may have to go. But especially our daughters, I think they are the most vulnerable place to send a daughter. And we see so many sad things happen when daughters go to college. I've talked to women all over the nation and they've said, “You know, the worst things that happened to me were at college,” and it really didn't benefit them at all.

So let's not get in the box. That's the thing. Not just on this issue, but every issue. We are so much like sheep. Well, God calls us His sheep. We're His sheep to hear His voice. But let's hear God's voice, not the pull of the world and not follow society and what they are doing. Let's be those who seek after truth and to seek after what God wants. And let's be those, as we close this session, let's be those who will POUND OUR STAKES FIRM. We'll drive them into the ground, and we will do everything that strengthens our family rather than fragment it.

Can I pray for you today?

“Dear father, I thank you for every precious mother listening, every daughter, every young child, every older woman. Father, I pray that You will lead us all closer to Your heart, nearer and nearer to Your truth. Lord, we're so surrounded by deception and what everybody else is doing. Help us to be those who seek Your ways, seek Your truth. And Lord, I pray for everyone today, everyone listening, that they will be those who will pound their pegs deep into the ground and into the home, and they will do everything to strengthen their family. Help us all as grandmothers, mothers, daughters, children, to be family-strengtheners. Oh Father, I pray that this anointing will come upon everyone listening today, in the name of Jesus. Amen.”

Be blessed, dear family-strengthener, today. This is a most powerful thing that you are doing. As we strengthen our marriages and we strengthen our families, we are strengthening the nation.