I NEARLY DESTROYED OUR MARRIAGE!
(A testimony from a Grateful Wife).How lonely and neglected I felt! I was a young mother with several small children and still a new Christian. My husband, who was antagonistic to Christianity, spent most of his weekends on the golf course. During the week he would arrive home from work, eat his dinner with scarcely a word to his family, then disappear into his workshop where he would work, sometimes until midnight.
It seemed to me, at the time that we were completely incompatible, so I turned to the warm fellowship I found in the church which I attended.
It was during this state of rebellion against my situation that I “fell in love” with a Christian married man. He seemed to me to be everything my husband was not, and I lived for prayer meetings and the weekends when I would be able to see him and talk with him. I thank God that this man never knew of my feelings for him and there was nothing improper outwardly in our relationship.
My mind was full of “good reasons” and excuses for myself – after all, didn’t God want His children to be happy? My husband and I had not been Christians when we were married, and I was sure God wouldn’t expect me to stay united with an unbeliever.
When my nights became full of dreaming about this man, my conscience started pricking, but I brushed conviction aside and continued for several weeks in a lonely and miserable state.
I am grateful that deep down in my heart I knew that God had the answer to my problems if I was willing to listen to His voice with an obedient spirit. Eventually, in desperation and distress, I cried to Him my first honest prayer for weeks, “Please, Lord, show me the way out of this mess and show me the root of the problem.”
His answer came almost immediately, and it made me tremble with fear – a message that shook me to the roots of my being. Across my mind, in letters of fire and accompanied by a voice I can only describe like thunder were burned the words: “Remember My commandment: Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife.”
For the first time I saw clearly how objectionable and evil were my desires. I was thoroughly convicted of my whole attitude towards my husband and this other man.
God’s words left me in a state of shock, but I was still suffering and in pain because of the emotions which I was still unable to control. At night I was frightened to go to sleep because of adulterous dreams, and in the mornings I would awaken sick to the heart with myself.
After several thoroughly miserable days, I knew that for the first time I was completely willing to give up all thoughts of this man I thought I was “in love” with. Then I cried my second honest prayer to God.
“Lord, Jesus, You know what is best for me and my family and I trust You to work out the difficulties in our family life. Please forgive my disobedience and cleanse my heart of all sinful desires. Please, Lord, take away the pain and show me what to do about the dreams.”
As bedtime approached there was still some trepidation about sleeping but there was also a peace and a deep knowledge that God had heard my prayer and would answer in His own way.
As I was settling down to sleep, I heard His voice again, this time tenderly bringing to my mind a verse in John 1:14 which says: “And the Word was made flesh and dwelt among us.” I prayed, light flooding in, “Lord Jesus, You are the Word, so I want You to hold my hand all night and I trust you to give me a peaceful night’s sleep.”
I took my small copy of the New Testament, tucked it under my pillow and placed my hand between its pages. In a few minutes I drifted off into the most restful and deep sleep I had experienced for a long time. When I awoke in the morning my heart was singing with joy and release from the burden I had been carrying for so long. The assurance of my restoration to fellowship with God was very sweet.
Now I could see a completely new view of my husband and our family to which I had been blind. God showed me my husband as a loyal and hardworking man who was being sadly neglected by his wife. Now I genuinely thanked Him for all the blessings of a fine husband, bright healthy children, and a comfortable home.
Gradually I learned how to love my husband and how to accept him as he was. I must not try and change him but leave him completely to the Lord. I also learned about submission to my husband as head of our household – placed there by God Himself.
Now, many years later, I look back and thank the Lord from the bottom of my heart for loving me enough to discipline me on a point that could have wrecked the lives of many people. It frightens me to think of what might have happened and the wonderful blessings I could so easily have missed.
I praise and thank Him for His love that is manifested in our happy, peaceful home, our loving grown up children, and a husband who has come to know the hand of God upon his life.
A VERY GRATEFUL WIFE
(Name withheld).
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