DO YOU NEED A LAUGH?

All I am, I learned from my mother!

• My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE: “If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside, I’ve just finished cleaning!”
• My mother taught me RELIGION: “You better pray that will come out of the carpet!”
• My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL: “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”
• My mother taught me LOGIC: “Because I said so, that’s why!”
• My mother taught me MORE LOGIC: “If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the shops with me!”
• My mother taught me FORESIGHT: “Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you’re in an accident!”
• My mother taught me IRONY: “Keep crying and I’ll give you something to cry about!”
• My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS: “Shut your mouth and eat your dinner!”
• My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM: “Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”
• My mother taught me about STAMINA: “You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone!”
• My mother taught me about WEATHER: ”Your room looks like a tornado’s been through it!”
• My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY: “If I told you once, I told you a million times, don’t exaggerate!”
• My mother taught me about ENVY: “There are millions of unfortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do!”
• My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION: “Just you wait until we get home!”
• My mother taught me about RECEIVING: “You are going to get it when you get home!”
• My mother taught me about MEDICAL SCIENCE: “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes like that, they’re going to freeze that way!”
• My mother taught me about ESP (6th Sense): “Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you’re cold?”
• My mother taught me about HUMOR: “When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me!”
• My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT: “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up!”
• My mother taught me about MY ROOTS: “Shut that door behind you! Do you think you were born in a tent?”
• My mother taught me WISDOM: “When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”
• And finally, my mother taught me about JUSTICE: “One day you’ll have children, and I hope they turn out just like you!”

~ Anon.