My Past Caught up with Me

When my 17 year old daughter told me she had decided to have an abortion I prayed hard. She had run away at 15 years. Early one morning I woke while it was still dark. In order not to disturb my husband I took myself off to the bath to pray. My mind was raging. I thought of all the horrible things ahead of her because I too had run away when I was young. It tore me up inside.

God dropped a Scripture into my heart.  Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.” I realized I was leaning on my own understanding and experience by obsessively worrying about this situation. God encouraged me to trust Him.

I had an abortion once. It didn’t mean anything to me at the time. It was acceptable in society. I didn’t even think about it after it was done. The government endorsed it, for goodness sake!

When my eldest daughter was three, she woke from a dream and told me about a friend she had met called Sarah who had taken her flying over town. She named her doll Sarah and from then on ‘Sarah’ was her pet name for everything. She became a valued member of our family.  After my next children came along they too began to talk of ‘Sarah’ and also named their dolls Sarah.

On occasion when I was praying I would see a child dart across the doorway but when I looked there was no one there. My spirit was on alert because I knew I had seen someone. It was like the shadow of someone.
I was at a Ladies’ retreat and a woman spoke on abortion, bringing to my attention the reality of what I had done.  The child was real but I had been numb about it. What I didn’t see didn’t exist. Or did it?

These women prayed with me and helped me to acknowledge my sin and make peace with my aborted child by acknowledging that I killed it and asking forgiveness.  I gave my baby a name as they said it was important to name my child. I named her Sarah. From that moment on my other children no longer talked to ‘Sarah’ and I no longer saw the shadow of a child running past.

Therefore when my 17 year old daughter came to me and told me she was going to have an abortion I felt the need to explain to her that abortion is actually murder. The devil was trying to kill another baby and I had to speak up. I knew it was a sensitive topic and she probably wouldn’t want to hear what I had to say, but this baby was my grandchild, one of my descendants--and this is a war!

People need to know that just because you can’t see the life within you doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. The moment you conceive, the baby is alive. We need to take responsibility for the choices we make and accept the consequences. Killing an unborn child is not the answer. It is not the child’s fault. Abortion is not an option that should be considered.

If you are considering an abortion, please understand that are killing a baby and you will grieve the loss of this life. Abortion doesn’t solve problems--it creates worse ones. I remember having a dream that I was having an abortion. It was legal up to nine months but the law required that you look into the eyes of the child you were aborting and say goodbye before you killed it. If this were the condition on abortion, would you go through with it?

Now for the good news—my daughter kept her baby and I have a beautiful 10 month old granddaughter.

St Pambula, New South Wales, Australia  
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Reprinted from Above Rubies # 76.

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