PODCAST TRANSCRIPT | EPISODE 425: THE FLOURISHING MOTHER, PT 7
LIFE TO THE FULL w/ Nancy Campbell
EPISODE 425: THE FLOURISHING MOTHER, PT 7
The flourishing mother is contented in her home, and she also has command of her home.
Announcer: Welcome to the podcast, Life to the Full, with Nancy Campbell, founder and publisher of Above Rubies, a magazine bringing strength and encouragement to families across the world.
Nancy Campbell: Hello, ladies. We are continuing our series, “The Flourishing Mother.” Today is . . .
No. 9. THE FLOURISHING MOTHER IS CONTENTED IN HER HOME
We can’t really flourish if we’re discontented.
It’s so easy to get discontented, isn’t it? You can look around you and look at what others have, and what you don’t have, and feel very discontented. That’s a very natural feeling of the flesh. But of course, we don’t live by our feelings, do we? We live by the life of Jesus Christ who dwells in us.
It has been perhaps my greatest secret of motherhood over the years to learn not to live by my fleshly feelings. Oh, my, our fleshly feelings will really get us into a state of self-pity. I can remember back in the early days of my mothering and getting into self-pity trips. Oh, they are the worst things you can ever do in your whole life. You get miserable. You make your husband miserable, and you make everybody in your home miserable.
But we have to learn to say no to those feelings of the flesh, those wrong thinkings in our minds. We have to learn to realize that we are now a new creature in Christ Jesus. We have Christ dwelling in us. So, we live by His life, not by our feelings. One of those feelings can be discontent. But God wants us to live in contentment.
1 Timothy 6:6: “Contentment with godliness is great gain.”
And then, over in Philippians 4, Paul was able to say: “I have learned in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.” He said, “Sometimes I’m abounding. Sometimes I’m not. But I’ve learned that whatever’s going on, if I’m abounding or if I’m in need, whatever, I am still content because I know that God is in control.” And so, dear ladies, we do have to learn to come to that place of being content.
OK, there are some things you think you need in your home. Well, do you really need them? You are surviving without them now. And perhaps you can survive a little longer. Don’t nag your husband all the time about everything you want, and you think you need, because it doesn’t help your marriage. One of the worst things is a nagging wife, as we all know, of course. But the big thing is not to do it. And so, we have to learn to be content.
Oh, you know, my daughters purchased for me, I can’t even remember how many years ago. It might have been 15, 20 years ago. They purchased for me a revolving clothesline because that’s what we used to have down in New Zealand. You can look up pictures of them. They go out and around. You can peg your clothes on them, and they go round and round. Anyway, I love revolving clotheslines, but my loving, beautiful husband has still not put it in the ground for me. So, I’ve just given up asking him.
And really, I’ve still survived. I have a wonderful deck here, so I still put my clothes out on the deck every time I wash them. I’m one of those people who will never use a dryer unless it’s been raining for days and days, and I’ve just got to get something dry. But otherwise, I will wait for a sunny day, and I hang my clothes out. I just hang them over the deck. Even though I’m not hanging them up on my revolving clothesline . . . I’ve even just given up.
But it doesn’t matter. I survived. What does it really matter? I can hang them on my deck. I’m still getting the blessing of the sun deodorizing and disinfecting and bleaching my beautiful clothes. Oh, when I wash my sheets, I won’t even sleep in sheets unless they’ve been out in the sun. In fact, I’ve got them out in the sun today. My beautiful linen sheets, and all my underwear. I won’t even wear underwear unless it’s been out in the sun. Of course, all my other clothes . . . everything I hang out.
THEY LACKED NOTHING!
So, isn’t it amazing? You don’t have to have what you want. You can still make do. There are so many things. In fact, I go over to that Scripture in Nehemiah 9:21. I’m always challenged by this one. Here it says: “Forty years You sustained them in the wilderness.” This is Nehemiah praying to the Lord. And he says: “You sustained them in the wilderness so that they lacked nothing.”
Did you hear that? They lacked nothing. Their clothes did not wear out, and their feet did not swell. That’s amazing. These Israelites, for 40 years, lived in a desert. They didn’t have permanent homes. They just lived in tents. Children grew up never knowing anything else.
They didn’t have refrigerators and yet they lived in the desert, in the heat. They didn’t have running water in their homes. They didn’t have any mod cons. They didn’t have a grocery store down the road where they could go grab their milk, because they’d run out of butter, or whatever they needed. They didn’t have all that. And God says: “You lacked nothing.”
In fact, the Bible says if we have food and clothing, be content (1 Timothy 6:8). Are we really content with just the provision of our food and clothing? I think we should be, because most people today have more clothes than they can ever wear. I mean, I go to my wardrobe, and I have so many clothes that have gained over the years. I’m just one of these people who throw out things they don’t like. But there are things I do like, so I’ll keep them for that occasion. So, I have many clothes. We all have many clothes.
I was just talking to my lovely Above Rubies girls. I just love my beautiful girls when they come out in their lovely dresses and their lovely skirts. Kerianne has so many beautiful skirts. I told her to count up how many she has here with us. I think she has 14. Or is it 11? 14? Yes, they’re all so lovely.
Oh, what a beautiful skirt you've got on today! It’s so lovely. She can get them so cheap at Goodwill. They love getting them so cheap. Wow! Clothes are so cheap today. So, you can have 15 skirts if you want, or maybe 20 skirts! But you could survive on two if you had to. Isn’t it amazing? We are so blessed in this day in which we are living.
I was just talking to my grandson last night. Some of the grandsons were over. We were talking, and I said, “Oh, where are your wives?” “Oh, they had all gone out for a little ladies’ time together to get their nails done.” And I said this to them: “Oh, do you know what? In my 85 years of life, I had never, ever had my nails done. Well, I always thought, “Help! How do I spend money on that when I’ve got other things that are more important!”
Today we are living in a generation where young people think, oh, they have to have their nails done and their toes done. Well, I’ve never had my toes done in my life either. But you can survive without it. Here I am and I’ve actually survived without it.
I was saying to Cedar, “Wow! You know, we live in such an affluent age. We don’t even realize how affluent we are!” People think, “Oh! I need this, and I haven’t got that!” And yet, they’re still so affluent! So, it’s a beautiful thing to just learn to live on what your husband is providing. It’s a wonderful thing for him to know that you're content with what he provides for you.
If it’s something that perhaps you think it’s really a necessity, well, take it to the Lord, and you’ll be amazed. If it’s something you really need, God will miraculously provide it for you. He is our Provider.
He’s the Provider for our children. Many times, you think, “Oh, goodness me, how could I have another child because we’re just barely managing on what we have now.” And yet, another baby is coming. “How are we going to do it?”
Well, this baby arrives, and of course, you do it! You carry on the same, and you don’t even know how you're doing it, but God is providing. He is doing it. And these are so wonderful things. I’ve had so many testimonies of mothers who shared that when they’ve had another baby, God has given their husbands a raise or somehow, they’ve been able to buy a bigger van for their growing family.
God does it. He does it so wondrously, because He doesn’t provide for a baby before it comes. When the baby comes, He provides. What did David say? “I have been young, and now I am old, but I have not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his children begging bread” (Psalm 37:25). So, God is a faithful God. We can trust Him. We can be content, dear precious mothers. May the Lord help you to be content.
One time, I printed in Above Rubies a beautiful article by my daughter Serene. It was in number 54. My, that’s way, way, way, way, way back. I don’t think any of you would even have that copy. Maybe some of you have. But if you’d like to read the article, it says, “It’s A Choice.” You can write into me, This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it., and I will send it to you.
No. 10. THE FLOURISHING MOTHER HAS COMMAND OF HER HOME
This is very important, dear lovely ladies. If you want to flourish, you've got to be in command. If your children rule the home, ooh! There’s no way you’ll be flourishing. You’ll barely be surviving. You’ll be wilting. And even your children will be unhappy. You will be utterly miserable.
God has given you the authority to be in charge of your home, and of your children. You run the home, not them. You call the shots. They don’t. Now, of course, it takes a lot of effort and consistency and discipline to train your children to be obedient children, to train them into the order of your home.
But that’s all part of mothering. It’s training and establishing order so you can live and rest in peace. If you live in chaos, goodness me! You’ll be wilting. We’ve got to find order. In fact, we go to 1 Timothy 5:14. Very interesting Scripture. It says: “I will therefore, that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give no occasion to the adversary (that is the devil) to speak reproachfully.”
Now, what is it saying here? God wants the young women to marry. He wants them to bear children. He wants them to guide the house. What does that mean? The word in the Greek is oikodespoteo. That is the Greek word, a long Greek word. It comes from two words, oikos which means “home, family,” and despotes. Now, even when I say that word, you get a little bit of a meaning. Despotes, out of that word comes “despot.”
So, the word oikodespoteo means “to be the head, to rule a household, to manage family affairs, to be the master of the home.” Now just a minute, ladies! This is written to the woman. I beg your pardon. Is a woman to be the head of the home, the master of the household?
Well, yes and no. Firstly, the “no” part, and that is that her husband is the overall head of the home, definitely. We do never rule over our husbands, ever, ever, ever. When you try to rule over your husband, you are beginning the breakdown of your marriage. You cannot rule your husband. You have to honor your husband, to lift him up, to honor him, to respect him, because he is the head of your home.
But under his headship, God has given you the authority to manage and rule your household. You are the ruler and manager of your household. This is your field, your household.
God has given to the man his field, his career that He has given to him to provide for the family. That is his role. He is to be faithful and diligent and hardworking in providing for the family in whatever way, or the gifts, or the talents, or the career that God has given him. Sometimes he will be doing that in the home and his part of the home to do that. Many times, he will be going out into this field of work.
YOU ARE QUEEN OF YOUR DOMAIN
But God has given to the woman the field of the home. This is where you are queen. You see, your husband is king, but you are queen. You are queen of your domain. And your domain is your home, your household, and even your surrounding area. Even your garden; that’s all part of your home.
In the beginning, the first home was a garden home. It was not just a home; it was a garden. A garden is part of a home. God sees them together. They’re synonymous, the home and the garden. There is a magazine, Home and Garden. But scripturally, there’s also HOME AND GARDEN, because God loves us to have a garden as part of our home.
So, this is all part of our managing our household. Of course, the more children that we have, the more there will be to manage. Many of you are homeschooling your children, so you've got a lot more there to manage as well. And God has given you this whole management of your home, and it’s Scriptural. Yes, you are the one who’s meant to be doing it. It’s not really our husband’s task.
Now, we have these egalitarian marriages where they believe that a husband and wife are totally equal, and therefore, they must be equal in what they do. So, the wife goes out to work, and then the husband comes home, and they both have to share the household tasks. It all sounds very great, but it’s not biblical. It’s not what God planned. No, God has given to the woman to guide the house—Oikodespoteo—to rule her household and manage it wisely.
And so, a way back, I did a little acrostic about this ordering of the home. I took the word ORDER. We’ll look at it. Perhaps we can look at it today. The first letter is . . .
O ORGANIZE
One of my favorite sayings is:
“Things don’t just happen. You have to make them happen.”
It is true. They don’t happen on their own. You make happen what you want to make happen. You can dream about how you want your home. You can dream about this lovely, joyful, happy, peaceful home, but dreaming doesn’t make it happen. You have to do things that literally make this happen. We cannot make our home run efficiently unless we organize. This will look different in every home, because some mothers are very organized. Oh, they are just naturally organized, and their home is so organized! It’s just so amazing.
But then there are the mothers who look on and say, “How can I do that? I’m just not the organizing type. I’m just so laid back.” And it’s true. We are all different personalities. And so, both of us have to refine our personalities. Those who are so organized have to allow just a little bit of ruffling in their homes so their children can enjoy their home.
They can get out their toys, and they can make a bit of a mess. Yes, because children will make messes, and we’ve got to allow them to make messes, to be creative, and to do things. But, of course, we’ll clean up those messes. Those who are just so organized and want this perfect, sterile home have got to learn to give a bit so their children can enjoy the home.
Then, those who are laid-back, and just quite happy with everything being a mess. Oh no, you've got to learn to just, come on, get with it a bit, and get some organization so your home is running smoothly, and you do have a clean home. That is so important also.
I was just reading, the book I am reading at the moment is called The Day Christ Died, by Jim Bishop. I read it when I was a teenager. It so impacted my life, and I had this impression recently to read it again. I’ve just started it, and I’m in the chapter where he’s talking about the history of Jerusalem. It says there that the temple was gleaming, and just so magnificent because it had gold all over it.
But he said there were, I think it was seven thousand priests and hundreds of Levites, who every day they worked on the team of keeping the temple clean. It was because the temple was where God dwelt, in the Holy of Holies. Therefore, they had to keep this beautiful temple clean. They weren’t allowed any dust on it.
As I read that, I thought, “Oh, wow!” God no longer dwells in a temple in Jerusalem. It’s finished. In AD 70, it was totally destroyed. But God now dwells in the temple of our bodies.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20: “What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost, which is in you, which ye have of God . . . Therefore, glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.”
Now Christ dwells in us. We have become His temple. Even more than that, because the Hebrew word for “temple” in that Scripture is naos. It literally means “the holy of holies.” We have now become the Holy of Holies where God wants to dwell. Isn’t that amazing? And also, He wants to dwell in our homes. He is a dwelling God. He wants to come and fill our homes with His Presence. He wants to dwell with us.
Therefore, I thought, as I read that about the temple in Jerusalem and how they had all these priests keeping it clean every day. How important is this? It is for us too, to keep our homes clean and organized. Of course, we may have to do that all on our own as our children are little. But as they’re getting bigger, we’re training them. So, we’re training them to help us, and also to be the cleaners and the helpers in the home, to keep it gleaming and clean and shining for the Lord who wants to dwell in our homes. Amen?
Yes, so both of us, I’m saying “us.” I won’t tell you which one I am. Well, maybe I should. I am really more the kind of an unorganized one. I’ve had to learn to organize so that I can keep my home organized. I do love to have an organized, not completely, because we always have to be open to something unusual or spontaneous happening. I think that is important.
That’s important too for the ultra-organizers. Sometimes things can spontaneously happen, and we have to think, “Oh, we let go of this so we can do it!” so that our children can enjoy life, and live life, and do fun things. But I like to have an organization of the day for when we get up at a certain time. That will be different in every home, according to your husband, and the plan that you have for your children.
In our home, we like to have our daily devotions, our morning devotions at eight o’clock. We have to have breakfast and clean up before then, so we’re ready for devotions, and then ready to start the day. Now, it will be a different time, maybe, in your home. Nobody has to have the same time.
THE MOST IIMPORTANT HAPPENING OF THE DAY
But, OK, that’s the time in our home, and we stick to that time, and we stick to our family devotions, because so many things can happen, can interrupt. And we’re like, “Oh goodness! Haven’t got time for devotions today!” Or “Oh, this is happening! Oh, just leave it. We’ll just miss it today.” There are a thousand things that can happen for us to do that. But will you do that? I won’t. I will not give in. I will not give up. We keep to our family devotions because this is the most important thing in the day. And then our evening devotions in the evening.
So, we do that, and then we have lunch. At about 12:30 we have lunch. You don’t have to . . . and we don’t have to have it exactly at that time. Although we do now, because I have my lovely Above Rubies girls, and they are working in the office. Therefore, they have their time to have lunch.
Now, if you're with your family around you, and your little ones, and your middling ones, and maybe your big ones, you’ll decide what is best for you in your home. But it’s good to keep around about the same time. Children know.
And then suppertime, you keep it to about that time. It doesn’t have to be exact, of course. And it will fit in with the schedule of your husband, and so on. We like to have it about 6.00 or 6.30 pm. But you will find the time for your home. Sometimes it’s earlier with all your little ones so they can even get to bed earlier, or whatever. But you fit it in with your husband. Set your time so it’s not just whenever or whatever. No! Have times.
Your children thrive on a basic schedule. It doesn’t have to be so tight. It’s a basic schedule, so they know what is happening in the home and what is happening in life.
Of course, we all go through seasons, there’ll be different seasons when you have all your little ones around you. Well, you know, you can’t keep up with everything when you've got a nursing baby, and you've got toddlers, and you've got little ones. There are things you have to forego. You’re not going to be washing your windows.
Oh goodness me! How many times did I sit nursing my baby? Do you find it’s when you're nursing your baby that you look up, and you're looking around. Oh goodness me! You see cobwebs in the corner! And you look at the windows. Oh, help! They’re dirty! You think, “Oh, I’ve got to clean them!”
But, you know, they’re not the most important things. There are more important things. Keeping a basic cleanliness in the home and having your basic meals cooked, sometimes that’s about all you can do, the most you can do when you've got little ones. In fact, I love that poem. Part of it says:
Oh, cleaning and scrubbing will wait ‘til tomorrow.
But children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So, quiet down, cobwebs! Dust, go to sleep!
I’m nursing my baby, and babies don’t keep.
So, there will be the seasons when it’s more important to sit and nurse your baby. And then, to sit and nurse your baby again. And to sit and nurse your baby again. And again, because when you're a nursing mother, you’ll be nursing again and again and again. When you're nursing from the breast, you're nursing quite often, constantly. Throughout the day, and even at night, because that’s what a nursing mother does.
The breastmilk of a nursing mother digests very quickly. And a nursing baby is ready for another meal before a bottle-feeding mother because the milk of a bottle-feeding mother, cow’s milk, or whatever she’s using, usually takes a lot longer to digest. The baby can wait longer. But that’s not so with breast milk.
God has ordained it like that because you need that constant nursing. It is the constant nursing of your baby that builds the milk supply. If you're not nursing frequently, your nursing supply will slow down, and you’ll begin to wean your baby. To keep up a good milk supply, you’ve got to constantly nurse your baby, and nurse your baby at night as well. Because you're doing all this, well, you’re going to forget the cobwebs, and cleaning the windows, and all those extra jobs. Oh, you don’t have to do them. You just do the basics.
And then, oh, I can remember back in my day, it was ridiculous, really. I mean, it was expected of you that every week you’d change all the sheets in the household. So, we would do this, and this is how we did it in those days, because they didn’t have fitted sheets. We would take the bottom sheet off of all the beds in the house, put them in the washer. Then we would put the top sheet on the bottom, and a new sheet on the top. We did that every week.
Well, then came the day of fitted sheets. It was so nice that they fit in the bed, so I stopped doing that, of course. But I don’t change them every week. I only change them every two or three weeks now that we have the fitted sheets.
And then, back in those days, we even ironed everything! Oh, goodness me! How did we survive? We were so busy. I’ve even ironed tea towels! Can you believe that? Oh! I can’t even believe it. But now, I wouldn’t think of doing such things because it’s a waste of time. There are more important things to do. More important things like spending time with your children and reading to them. But, back in those days, it was expected of women to do all those crazy things.
Of course, now, you have wrinkle-free clothes. Most people don’t even iron. I’ve had Above Rubies girls come to my home and they have never ironed in their whole lives! Well, they don’t need to, because none of their clothes need ironing. They’re all just wrinkle-free!
But there is a little problem with that. I’ll give you a little teaser. When I finish this series, I’m going to start another series, or maybe, I don’t know how many it will take, but I’m going to talk about the clothes we wear. Some of the clothes we wear could be killing us. All these wrinkle-free clothes, most of them are made of spandex and polyester, and all these things which are so unnatural, and harmful to our bodies.
In fact, right at this time, my husband is not well. And all of a sudden, I thought, I was looking at him in his black trousers which he always wears. In fact, my husband has always been a suit man. He loves suits. He is a pastor. He always wears a suit on Sunday. Most pastors don’t today, but he’s very traditional. Of course, he’s not wearing his suit all the time, but he does wear his suit pants.
I must tell you that I’ve seen him come home from church, or from (not church) because he would never do that on Sunday. But from the weekday, doing pastoral activity, and come home, and mow the lawn with the tractor in his suit. But anyway, I was looking at his black trousers the other day, and thinking, “Help! They don’t look very healthy. I’m going to look at what they’re made of.”
And they were made of polyester, nylon, and spandex. All his trousers were made of that. I thought, “Help! He’s been wearing these terrible things poisoning his body. I’d better go and check his shirts.” I checked all his shirts. I only found two cotton shirts, and all the others were polyester, nylon, spandex. I thought, “Oh, goodness me! I’m getting these off him. I’m going to just order cotton things for him.”
But many women are wearing all these things. I look back in the era of nylon stockings. Oh, goodness, do you ever remember that girls, back before your era? It was disgusting. You were expected to wear nylon stockings. I wore them because that was the fashion. I look back and think, “Wow! That must have been a detriment upon my body, having these nylon stockings right close to your legs, and up, you know, right up like pantyhose. Oh, goodness me!
And I was so dumb! I just followed the fashion and wore them. That’s the trouble. We all just follow the fashion! Praise the Lord, they don’t have nylon stockings around now. But they have all these nylon and spandex and polyester clothes, and this and that. And this and that clothes, they’re all wrinkle-free. We don’t need irons. But what are they doing to our bodies? We’ll talk about it on another podcast.
How did we get onto that? And what’s our time? Oh, goodness me, just about time to close! All right. We’d better close off this session. But dear, precious ladies, know your seasons. There will be seasons when you can keep your house so much more immaculately clean. But when you’ve got wee little darling babies and toddlers all around you, in these days, just do the most important things. There will be times to clean your windows and have them sparkling.
Of course, you’ll be training your children how to clean and how to manage their home. Some of you are at that stage of being queen mothers. You are now the queen of your home, and you have teens whom you've trained. They know how to manage the home. They know how to cook a meal. They know how to clean the home and make it beautiful. They know how to do all these things.
You can sit back. Or maybe God has given you another baby, and you can sit back and nurse that baby, and everything is just happening all around you, and you're no longer having to do it all by yourself.
Well, the Lord bless you all. We’ll continue this next week.
“Dear Father, bless these darling mothers today. I pray that You will show them Your ways, and how You want them to manage their homes, because, Lord, you've given us this task. It’s in our hands. It’s our responsibility. We’ve been given the task by You to be the manager and the ruler of our household.
“I pray that You’ll show them how to do this, Lord God, and the way You want them to do it. And You will help them to have that order that You want them to have, so they can live in peace, and in joy, and in happiness, and enjoy great fun together as a family. In the Name of Jesus, Amen”
Blessings from Nancy Campbell
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Transcribed by Darlene Norris * This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
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