Meadow Hall, a young mother, continues to share her thoughts. (I believe every mother should especially read points 5 and 6. ~ Nancy).
Also don’t miss today’s podcast with Meadow (and Autumn her sister). Meadow and I continue to talk about modesty and femininity. What about bikinis and leggings? Should they be part of our wardrobe? Can Christians wear jewelry? How do we embrace femininity in a genderless society? Should we pursue an egalitarian or complementarian marriage?
GLEANINGS FROM A NEW MOTHER, Part 2
4. POSTPARTUM CAN ALSO BE CULTURALLY AND SPIRITUALLY RELATED
The “overwhelming” feelings of postpartum or “postpartum depression” are not only about hormones. They can also be culturally and spiritually related.
I didn’t get postpartum depression, but there were times when I would cry and feel overwhelmed. Part of that is due to hormones, exhaustion, and sleep deprivation, but it can go deeper than that.
I believe that the enemy of our souls will try to attack new parents and cause them feelings of helplessness and stress, especially during postpartum, the time when they are vulnerable. God loves children, but Satan hates children. He seeks to make having a baby seem like a burden instead of a blessing. He tries to overwhelm you so that you will dread having another baby or you won’t want to again for a long time. He tries to steal your joy and may cause you to believe your life is “restricted” or you “have no life now”.
Our culture is also to blame why women can be in a state of “shock” when they become mothers. Back in that day, preparing young women for maternal duties was normal, and so many women were able to transition smoothly into motherhood. But with the rise of feminism, our society functions as if women don’t grow up to become mothers.
In her article “When I became a Mother, Feminism let Me Down” feminist Samantha Johnson wrote: “We are so driven by the focus that women can do the same and be the same as men, that we completely fail to provide them with education or understanding of what may be ahead of them as future homemakers and those who raise children. How can we ensure equality for all women when we place so little value on the role of the mother?” I’m not a feminist myself, but I agree with her on the point that our society has failed mothers.
I am thankful that I come from a family that embraces having children and did not cause me to believe that I need “to become successful” before I become a mother or make me feel like my life amounts to nothing now. I have been blessed to have a wonderful support system in my postpartum season. My family have shown me that motherhood is a high calling and more important than any other career.
Sadly, many other new mothers don’t have older women to truly encourage them or show them the way anymore. It’s in the season of postpartum, when women are the most exhausted and spiritually and hormonally vulnerable, that we need others to encourage us in our new role as mothers, instead of feeling even more discouraged in a society that frowns upon motherhood and homemakers.
5. PARENTING GIVES YOU A DEEPER UNDERSTANDING OF GOD’S HEART
Becoming parents gives you a deeper understanding of the Father-heart of God. To have so many hopes and dreams for my child; to feel such a strong protective spirit over him; to feel like I would go through labor all over again for him; that I would bear any of his pain for him if I could; that I would give my life for him, and devote my life to love and raise him! It’s amazing how it can feel like it would be impossible to love your baby any more than you do now. It’s even more amazing when I realize that the powerful love I have for my baby is only a fraction of the love God has for him and me. It’s truly mind blowing.
It can be harder to fully appreciate and understand how God loves us and has beautiful hopes for us as our Father, until we become parents ourselves. It also gives us a deeper appreciation for all the years our parents sowed into us and the love they felt.
Being a parent also helps you to become more like Jesus. It forces you to give up selfishness you may not have even been aware that you had before. Now life is not just about looking out for yourself. You must lay down your life to serve another. It is a sad thing that many people avoid parenthood because they don’t want to give up their “freedom.” But where is the purpose in life if we do not serve Jesus and others, and only ourselves? When we willingly lay down our lives in service, that is when we discover true contentment and joy.
6. YOUR HUSBAND DOESN’T COME SECOND
Having a baby doesn’t mean my husband “comes second” now. It’s not true that you have to say goodbye to romance when you become parents. Loving my husband is still just as important now as it was before I became a Mother. My baby may be the most helpless and requires most of my time, but he is not the “most important.” I still must show my husband that I make him a priority, and that after God, he is the most important relationship in my life . . . and then comes my child.
You can be more tired as parents, and your alone time together may only happen when the baby is asleep. But that just means pursuing each other and initiating romance is more intentional now. I don’t have the right to “deny” my husband love just because I’m feeling tired. And yet, there are women who treat their husbands this way when they become exhausted.
Just imagine if we deny our babies love and make them feel neglected when they need us because we’re feeling tired! We wouldn’t be very good mothers if we treated them that way! So why is it considered acceptable to deny and neglect our husbands? Not only is hurtful; it’s also unbiblical.
1 Corinthians 7:5 (GNT) says: “Do not deny yourselves to each other, unless you first agree to do so for a while in order to spend your time in prayer; but then resume normal marital relations. In this way you will be kept from giving in to Satan's temptation because of your lack of self-control.”
I am a mother now, but I was firstly, and still am a wife. I never tell my husband: “I’m too tired,” “I’m not in the mood,” or “Not tonight.” We still have quality time together and we’ve even managed to go on a couple of dates.
Becoming parents together can either weaken or strengthen our marriage. It can weaken it if we forget where our priorities are and use being “busy parents” as an excuse to neglect each other. Or, it can strengthen our marriage because now we are on a like-minded-mission as “one” to raise and love this child together. We make time for each other and still sow into our marriage which will also create security for our child.
Giving love to my baby does not mean I have to give less love to my husband. it just means there’s more love to go around! I’m sure this is also how it will be when our family keeps on growing! I don’t have to give less love to my child because we will have more. The love will multiply!
MEADOW HALL
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Check out Podcast, No. 12, posted today at http://ARPoddy.buzzsprout.com Picture: Meadow and Kendall with baby Warren.