(To all those who have suffered the loss of babies through miscarriage * by Jual Hopkins).
“Beginning 2020 with a family portrait in a cemetery may not be the ideal setting for some, but for me I wouldn’t have it any other way. You see, I have two sons buried in this cemetery. Nehemiah James (April 24, 2015) and Philip Kaden (January 10, 2020).
Miscarriage is a word so quietly spoken. Death and suffering are never cups that any of us voluntarily choose. Yet here I am. In a valley of death I thought I left back in 2015. Two baby boys that I got to deliver and hold, ten fingers and ten toes. Both died around 14 weeks gestation, beautifully formed. (Nehemiah, I learned at a 15-week appointment and Philip at my 18-week appointment).
What do I do when I find myself in the valley of the shadow of death? I choose Jesus. I choose His words. For He is a good God, and He has good plans for me “… and though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me” (Psalm 23:4)
I choose JOY… because His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:23).
I choose JOY… because I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of living (Psalm 27:13).
I choose JOY… because I know that my Redeemer lives (Job 19:25).
I choose JOY… because He loves the sound of my voice (Songs 2:14).
I choose JOY… because the lines have fallen to me in pleasant places (Psalm 16:6).
I choose JOY… because He blessed me with two sons to whom I will forever be their Mom (Ps 127:3).
I choose JOY… because this is not the end of the story for my sons. They are eternal souls who will live forever (1 Thessalonians 4:14).
I choose JOY… because one day Jesus will come and split the sky (1 Thessalonians 4:16).
I choose JOY… because death is swallowed up in victory (1 Corinthians 15:54).
So, on an unusually warm Wednesday morning in January 2020, our family made the drive once again with balloons, shovels, and a blue tarp to bury Philip with his brother Nehemiah. On this day we chose JOY, for He is a faithful God. He is a good Father to the Hopkins family, and I will stake my claim in the city whose builder and maker is God (Hebrews 11: 10).
In the midst of sorrow, please rejoice with us for a life is still a life, regardless of the length. Though their season was cut short, I am thankful that I am privileged to be called their Mom. I am blessed that Jesus saw it fit to take my weak “yes” to children. Partnering with Him in creating human beings that get to live forever with Him, for His glory, and because He alone is worthy.
“For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus (1 Thessalonians 4:14).
My son’s stories are not finished, and neither is mine. Joy is on the horizon and I will see my sons again.”
JUAL HOPKINS
Jonathan and Jual are blessed with Naomi (9), Isaiah (8), Olivia (6), Sarah (4), and Hudson (1 1/2) and our heavenly babies: Nehemiah James, Haven Mae, Kinsley Harper, and Philip Kaden.