Marriage | Love, the CHOICE!

Love, the CHOICE!

My husband and I have been married for six years. When we started out, we were young, crazily in love, and thought we were ready to embark on a Christian marriage.

Looking back, I believe we married for the wrong reason. Love (the feeling) is nice, but it only gets you so far. Then you meet the real deal. Love, the choice.

We were in our third year of marriage when we crumbled. A shameful addiction so many men face, a lack of communication, and a wife whose heart had grown cold, made for the perfect storm. I was eight months pregnant with our third child, when one dreadful night my husband committed the biggest regret of his life.

Our sex culture and the icy cold of a wife's bitter heart is a destructive combination, even to the strongest Christian man. No one falls away over night. I'm speaking of myself too. How many nights did I choose to withdraw from my husband’s heart? How many times did I choose to treat him based on his performance instead of seeing him with eyes of grace? Do I believe I drove my husband away? Yes, I absolutely do.

And so the rain fell on our home. Our young children lay helpless in the eye of this storm. A divorce filed. A family fell apart.

During this time, God would not let me go. I had made a promise to my God that I would love this man until I took my last breath, and I was still breathing. I was faced with a choice--to fight for the very person who betrayed me. Lay down myself and love him without condition. Choose to crucify my self-righteousness and win his heart back again.

Looking into the eyes of my children, this choice became easy. Never in my life has God taught me more about the heart of Jesus, and the heart of the Father, who holds to covenant with a vengeance, regardless of what we've done. This is when I was first introduced to Love, the choice.

I made a decision to love my husband as God loves me. A love that says, "It doesn't matter what you've done; it only matters who you are and you're my covenant partner." A little faith and a lot of prayer began to turn things around. I won back the heart of my husband, but more than that, God won back my heart.

When real trials hit and we're forced deep into the arms of our Father, we gain intimate knowledge of who He is, and who we are in Him. I am made in His image, therefore it is an honor and priceless privilege to mirror the heart of my God--a heart of mercy, forgiveness, and grace.

I'll never forget the night my husband came home. He's never held me so tight before or since that night. We cried together, and vowed a new life and a clean slate. Our past was behind us, as far as the east is from the west, to be remembered no more.

An added bonus. God put a desire in my heart for more children. As we sought to truly live for Jesus, we fell under the conviction to surrender my womb to God. We conceived our fourth child shortly after reconciling our marriage. Through him, God gave me a beautiful gift--a completely natural birth after three horrible c-sections. We are now pregnant with our fifth child and couldn't be more excited to see how many precious little arrows God has for us.

Today, my husband is my very closest, most treasured friend. He is my protector, my provider, my lover, an earthly manifestation of kingdom truth, and a reflection of Christ to me each and every day. He is a man after God’s own heart. I am my beloved’s, and he is mine. My husband cherishes me above and beyond what I ever could have imagined or dreamed. Today, my marriage is my absolute greatest blessing.

Do I regret everything we went through to get where we are today? This question haunts me at times. I can feel the breath of the enemy on my neck, and I choose to renew my mind in those moments. I have come to this conclusion: regret is our own inability to accept God’s forgiveness of ourselves. I don't allow myself to come into agreement with regret. Sometimes we can only get beauty from ashes. My hope is that by the blood of The Lamb and the words of my testimony, others too can overcome.

KIRSTEN SENN
Gilmer, Texas, USA
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Printed in Above Rubies #92.

Marriage | Sarah's Daughters

SARAH’S DAUGHTERS

SarahThe Bible is full of stories about women who have lived exciting and different lives. Many of them were examples to us of great strength of character, but there is only one woman who we are specifically encouraged to follow. Interestingly, she was one of the most beautiful women who has ever lived, perhaps next to Eve. What kind of mesmerizing beauty did she have that caused a king to swoon over her when she was 90 years old?

The woman was Sarah. She was over 60 years old when she left the city of Haran (which is now a small village in modern Turkey) with her husband, Abram, and began the hazardous journey into the deserts of Syria and the Negev of Israel.

Travel in the desert is considered most unfavorable to the preservation of beauty. But after many months and years of traveling and tenting in deserts, enduring dust storms, hot sun and scorching winds, and on through the northern Sinai desert to Egypt (because of famine in the land of Canaan), Sarah was still as captivating as ever. Not even her age or the desert could mar her beauty.

She was past age 65 years of age when she arrived in Egypt. The Bible says that, “As soon as Abram entered Egypt, the Egyptians noticed how rarely beautiful a woman she was. Pharaoh’s nobles noticed her too and highly commended her to Pharaoh; so she was taken to Pharaoh’s place” (Genesis 12:14 MLB). This situation was repeated again in Gerar, where King Abimelech fell in love with her. She was 90 years old at this time!

What was the secret of her enchanting beauty? Was there something more than her fair features? The Bible gives us a clue when it tells us about the serenity of her submissive spirit. She had an inner grace that emanated from a “meek and quiet spirit” (1 Peter 3:4).

Imagine your husband coming home tonight and exclaiming, “Honey, God has spoken to me and I feel that it is time for us to move on. We’re going to be leaving here very soon.”

“But where?” you cry.

“I don’t know the destination. God will show us.” I won’t print your answer!

But, this is what happened to Sarah when Abram confronted her with the news that God had called him to another country. Sarah was obedient to her husband and submitted to his plans and “away they went, not even knowing where they were going” (Genesis 12:1-5 and Hebrews 11.8).

It must have been painful for Sarah to leave her home and family and familiar surroundings. Her name means "Princess." She came from a well-to-do family and lived a comfortable and pampered life in Ur (now southern Iraq.) Instead, she ended up living a nomadic life, dwelling in tents in the mountains and deserts for 67 years (she died at 127 years)!

WHAT WAS THE SOURCE OF HER BEAUTY?

God honoured her faith and obedience and as we have discovered, she retained her beauty. No wonder God calls it the “ageless beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit” (1 Peter 3:4 GNB).

This kind of submission took faith and strength of character. It isn't for weaklings. It doesn’t take any noble qualities to demand your own way. Any three year old can do that. Submission is for the unselfish and the mature of spirit. Wuest’s Greek exposition says that meekness is “that temper of spirit in which we accept God’s dealings with us as good and therefore without disputing.” Jack Hayford says, “Submission is for people who accept divinely arranged order for the sake of protection, fulfillment, and realization.”

This dramatic entry into a new lifestyle was just the beginning of many crises for Sarah. She was obedient to her husband’s authority even when he was wrong. Abraham had a great problem as he traveled through strange places--his beautiful wife. Therefore, he made a deal with her that wherever they went, she was to say she was his sister as he was afraid they would kill him because of her. It was actually a half-truth as she was his half-sister. On the two occasions when Sarah was taken from Abraham by kings, God honoured and protected her and she was given back to her husband totally untouched (Genesis 12:1-20 and 20:1-18). 1 Peter 3:6 says, “Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters you are, as long as you do well.”

WHY DO WE REACT?-

It doesn’t seem popular, even in Christendom, to be Sarah’s daughters today. The moment the word "submission" is mentioned the prickles go up! Women revolt at the sound of the word. Why does it produce so much reaction?

It's a godly attitude. Why such a fuss about a godly quality? Although it is a virtue that is especially beatifying to women, it is a quality God intends for all mankind. The Bible says that we are to be in submission to our husbands “in the same way.” In the same way as what? In the same way that we submit to every human authority. When it talks in Ephesians Chapter 5 about wives submitting to their own husbands, it follows immediately on from where we are all asked to submit to one another (1 Peter 3.1 cf. 2.13 GNB; Ephesians 5:21-33).

Isn't it astonishing that the selfish attitudes of pride, independence and assertiveness are far more popular today than the godly attitudes of meekness, humility, and submission?. And yet it was this spirit of pride and independence that caused Lucifer to be thrown out of heaven. Jesus however, because of his total submission to His Father’s will and His willingness to relinquish His rights of equality with God, wrought for us eternal salvation (Isaiah 12:12-17 and Philippians 2:5-11).

WHAT SPIRIT CONTROLS US?

If we are not Sarah’s daughters and following in her footsteps, whose daughters are we? There is another woman in the Bible who is portrayed as the opposite to Sarah. Her name is Jezebel. She had a seducing spirit and enticed her husband and the whole nation of Israel away from serving the living God to worship Baal. She domineered, demanded, and got her own way at any price. She was independent and a law unto herself (1 Kings chapters 17-21; cf. Revelation 2:20-26).

The disturbing fact is that in our current humanistic society this kind of spirit is propagated. It is more prevalent than the Sarah spirit. May God save us from this deception. Maybe we have to come back to the premise of “Let God be true, but every man a liar” (Romans 3:4).

Jezebel’s beauty didn’t come from within her. She had to paint it on her face. She even took time to paint her face when she knew that death was imminent. There is inference to the different beauties of Jezebel and Sarah in I 1 Peter:1-6 (NIV): “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewellery and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way that holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters, if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.”

Jezebel had everything her own way while she lived, but her end was devastating. Although she was a queen, she wasn’t a true queen in spirit, and thus she didn’t even have the decency of a burial. When they came to bury her, the dogs had eaten her and all that was left was her skull, feet, and the palms of her hands. Her lifestyle not only brought her own destruction, but the downfall of her husband, her sons, and a whole nation! Her influence carried on into the future generations. Her daughter, Athaliah, continued in the same vein and even killed her grandsons so she could be queen (2 Kings 9:30-37 and 10:1-11).

Jezebel reaped calamity upon herself and her family. Sarah on the other hand reaped the blessing of God upon her life (Genesis 17:15). There are promises of fruitfulness and blessing for Sarah’s daughters.

Sarah wasn’t perfect. She made mistakes. But God saw her submissive and gentle spirit which is so precious in His eyes, and He honoured her and lifted her up as an example for all women of all ages to follow. God encourages us in Isaiah 5:2 to “Look unto Sarah that bare you.”

IN WHAT WAY IS SARAH OUR ROLE MODEL?-

1. Because of her faith.

By faith she willingly followed her husband to an unknown destination. By faith she left her family and comforts of her home in Ur. By faith she lived a nomadic life in the scorching deserts. By faith she conceived, carried, and gave birth to a son a t 90 years of age.

2. Because of her gentle and quiet spirit.

Her beauty of soul was even greater than her physical attractiveness. She was submissive to her husband and gave him respect and honor.

3. Because of her lack of fear.

She has many opportunities to fear as she lived amongst enemies in strange lands. And how did she feel when one day her husband and his servant, and her precious son of her old age disappeared for a week, when Abraham went to Mt Moriah to offer up Isaac? She must have kept her heart in peace even at this time.

What king of virtue is this? C.H. Spurgeon says, “It is a calm, quiet trusting in God. It is composure of mind, freedom from anxiety, the absence of fretfulness, and clean deliverance from alarm; so that, whatever happens, trepidation does not seize upon the spirit, but the heart keeps on at its own quiet pace, delighting itself in a faithful God. This is the virtue which is worth a king’s ransom and Sarah had it.” She knew the secret of calmly trusting in her God, no matter what the situation.

Today’s women, let’s not be deceived by the Jezebel spirit, but let’s look to the pattern woman God has given us.

Be blessed from NANCY CAMPBELL
www.aboverubies.org

Marriage | The First Marriage -- World of Three!

THE FIRST MARRIAGE -- WORLD OF THREE!

Jesus taught that we must learn from the example of Adam and Eve if we are to learn aright about marriage (Matthew 19:3-9). For Adam and Eve, their whole world was just the two of them, and God. There was no one else to desire or to be desired by. No one else to think about but themselves, and God. No one else to fellowship with but each other, and God. No one else to talk with but each other, and God. It was an exclusive company of just three! This is how it was in the beginning.

Adam had no woman to please but Eve. Eve had no man to please but Adam. Perfect loyalty. Perfect commitment. Perfect fellowship. The two were together in their prayers, work, dining, rest, and sleep. God was very much a part of their thoughts and affections. Their home was the Garden of Eden–meaning, garden of delights. What were their delights? To live to please God, and to live to please each other. Such were the delights of the first marriage. Adam’s love was exclusively for Eve, and for God. Eve’s love was exclusively for Adam, and for God. It was a world of just three.

Initially, Adam was alone. Then God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him an help meet (fit) for him” (Genesis 2:18). From this single verse we have much to learn. God said that it was not good for man to be alone. What would be good for Adam? A woman! Centuries later Solomon wrote, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22). Again, “She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life” (Proverbs 31:12). Just as we believe the Scriptures concerning the salvation of our soul, we have to believe these verses so that they become true for us.

When a husband believes and confesses, “God has given me a good thing in my wife,” God is pleased, and the Scripture shall have its fulfillment. And, when the wife believes and confesses, “I am a good gift the Lord has given to my husband,” God is pleased, and the Scripture shall have its fulfillment. A wife is a good gift, a favor from the Lord. Let us emphasize: Have we believed the Scripture? Have we confessed the Scripture? It is what we believe that is our portion, not what we merely agree with.

Let every husband confess: “Lord, my wife is Your good gift to me, Your favor toward me. I thank You for her. Lord, I bless my wife in Your name so that she will be a blessing to me. Grant, Lord, that only kind thoughts will arise in my heart towards her, and only gracious words proceed from my mouth to her or about her. Lord, teach me to praise her as it says in Your Word (Proverbs 31:28). Lord, help me to love my wife as You loved Your Church and gave Yourself for her. Amen.”

When you believe and confess this truth, Satan loses his power and God is glorified.

Let every wife confess: “Lord, my husband is Your good gift to me, Your favor toward me. I thank You for him. Lord, I bless my husband in Your name so that he will be a blessing to me. Grant, Lord, that only kind thoughts will arise in my heart towards him, and only gracious words proceed from my mouth to him or about him. Lord, I thank You for creating me as a good gift and as a helper for my husband. Lord, teach me to be a help for him. Teach me, Lord, to do him good all the days of my life. Lord, teach me to submit to him as unto You as it says in Your Word. Amen.”

Again, when you believe and confess this truth, Satan loses his power and God is glorified.

What is set forth above is the heart of the matter in family life: believing the truth God has spoken, confessing the same in prayer, and giving God the glory.

The greatest thing God made was not the planet Earth, not the heavens, not even the angels. When the angels sinned, God did not send His Son to die for them, but for man He did. That shows God’s love for us. God has created nothing higher than man, man being inclusive of woman. Adam was the crown of creation, and Eve was to be his crown (Proverbs 12:4). Again, will we believe these truths? Sin has brought such degradation upon man that these precious truths are almost forgotten. All things have become earthy and ordinary. But not so with us who are in Christ, and in whom Christ dwells. We are changed into His image, and we should look back to how it was in the beginning.

JOSEPH ARTHUNGAL

Marriage | How Can I Help My Husband?

How Can I Help My Husband?How Can I help my husband?

1. I help him by coming alongside to help him as he needs me.

2. I help him by speaking sweetly, kindly, and positively into his life.

3. I help him by reminding him every day that I love him.

4. I help him by fulfilling the role that God has given to me rather than competing for his role of provider and leader of the home. I don’t help my husband by taking his responsibility. This undermines his manhood.

5. I help him by caring for our children and making our home a place of joy and peace.

6. I help him by making life easier for him to do his work.

7. I help him by being a sounding board for his dreams and visions for life.

8. I help him by caring for him physically and nutritionally.

9. I help him by having an aroma-filled, nutritious meal ready for him when he returns to home at the end of the day.

10. I help him by having the home ready for him when he arrives home—toys and mess cleaned up and thrown out of sight!

11. I help him by being excited to see him when he arrives—even if I have had a lousy day!

12. I help him by being available sexually to him. I was created to be “one flesh” with my husband, to delight him rather than deprive him.

Nancy Campbell
www.aboverubies.org

Marriage | Twenty Ways To Love And Honor Your Husband

20 ways to honor your husband

Twenty Ways to Honor Your Husband

1) Stay on his time schedule. If he is a morning person, work to become one too.

2) Be affectionate.

3) Find out what is important to him and work and pray towards that end.

4) Listen attentively when he speaks or reads aloud to you.

5) Ask him often, “What can I do to help you?”

6) In serving food or beverages, ALWAYS serve him first.

7) Reserve his chair at the head of the table only for him.

8) When he instructs, teaches, or leads, be quiet.

9) Ask for and value his opinion. “What do you think about…”

10) Make time to be alone and ask about his feelings. “What do you feel about…”

11) Be complimentary about him and his appearance. Compliment him every day.

12) Let him know you root for him, pray for him, and believe in him.

13) Never say a bad word about him to anyone. Pray (privately) for him instead.

14) Be thankful for him and let him know how you feel blessed by him.

15) Greet him warmly with “Welcome home!” Say “Thank you” and “I love you” often.

16) Help him laugh, keep a sense of humor, and enjoy the funny side of life.

17) Dress to please him. Ask him to choose style, colors, and modesty of clothes.

18) Celebrate special days with a note, gift, special meal, picnic, surprise, or trip.

19) Don’t complain, nag, or manipulate. Rejoice always. Be cheerful and content.

20) Let him know he’s the only one for you and you’re glad God chose him for you.

By Jenny Silliman

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