Conceived Through Rape
Six years ago, while on a trip home to visit my parents, I had the privilege to take a four-hour drive and meet a woman I have come to know and admire for her selfless love, strength, and act of courage in the middle of adversity--my birthmother.
Growing up, I always knew I was an adopted child. My parents did not keep it a secret. They loved me, it didn’t matter if I was born into the family or adopted. My parents told me growing up that when I reached the age of 18, if I wanted to search for my birthparents, they would help me do it.
For many years I dealt with some medical issues and had a lot of questions which adoptees think about. My adoption was “closed,” but in January 2008, I decided to get my non-ID information.
The day finally came when the packet arrived in the mail. I was nervous and excited at the same time. I waited until my husband got home from work to open it. That evening in January of 2008, I opened the packet, and we read it together. I read about my birthmother teaching children with cerebral palsy. I felt so proud of her!
The only information about my birthfather was, “Alleged Father.” That is when I got the feeling that something bad had happened.
After my husband and I finished reading the information, he told me he wanted us to get to know my birthmother more, inspiring my search for her. I called my parents and told them I would continue to search for my birthmother.
I wrote her an outreach statement without any names and emailed it to my caseworker. Several days went by, days felt more like years. I wanted to know who she was so I could thank her for choosing life.
The day finally came when I received a phone call from my caseworker. My birthmother wanted to have contact with me! However, before the caseworker could give me all the information, she told me my birthmother wanted me to know the truth--she was raped.
When I heard I was conceived in rape, I chose not to become angry or bitter about my beginnings. I chose to love my birthfather. Why did I choose to love my birthfather, a rapist? Because Jesus Christ died on the cross for my sins, as well as the sins of my birthfather. I chose to love him through the love of Jesus Christ. That day God also gave me a heart filled with so much love and compassion for my birthmother for what she’d endured.
Several weeks later after my birthmother was raped, she discovered she was pregnant. When she told her mother, she gave my birthmother three weeks to get out of the house. Her father had passed away in 1967 and she had no one to protect and defend her.
She went to live at a home for unwed mothers and it was there she began her healing process. What am I to do with this baby? she thought. She had to make a decision. She had no job, no permanent place to live, was not married, and had no support from family. My birthfather, of course, was out of the picture. In fact, she didn’t even know his name.
Her aunt had an idea: she could arrange for her to have an illegal abortion with a doctor in Michigan (this was before Roe V Wade).
However, my birthmother knew there was life growing inside her womb--life given by God. She told me her favorite verse is Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV): “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” She did not want to disrupt the plans which God had for the tiny life growing inside of her. When she decided to place me for adoption, her one request to the social worker was that her baby be placed in a strong Christian home.
When I was born, my birthmother had some complications. We both remained in hospital for a week before she went home and I was released to my foster parents’ house. God blessed my birthmother with one week to love, care for, and hold her baby girl she’d named Rebecca Ann. We were released from the hospital on the same day, and she placed me into the hands of God.
The day I received the information from my caseworker that my birthmother wanted to meet me, a feeling of completeness came over me, as well as a great love for my her.
After almost 35 years, the day finally came when my mom and dad, and my husband and I got to meet my birthmother and half-brother. We met them at the hotel where we were staying, sat by the pool chatting, then went to a nice dinner.
After dinner, we went to her house and looked at pictures of her when she was younger. I looked so much like her! It was surreal. Genetics are wild.
The next day was wonderful as well, spending the afternoon with her, touring her home town and looking at more photos. She gave me a picture to keep, as well as a copy of the family lineage, which is so precious to have! I felt so blessed to spend time with her.
She told me, “I have always loved you, and you were the beginning of my healing process.” She also said what a lot of people don’t realize, that the baby who is conceived out of rape becomes a strong healing force in the situation. Why? Because out of something horrific and traumatic comes a precious human being, and the Giver of Life brings healing to the one who suffers.
Yes, my biological great aunt wanted me to be aborted, but my birthmother chose life and saved me from an illegal abortion. God was faithful to her prayers and I was raised in a wonderful Christian home where faith was taught and it was real.
God has been so very good to me. He has blessed me beyond measure with amazing parents, a brother who also is adopted, a loving husband whom I adore so very much, incredible friends, and a tight-knit church family. I was conceived in rape, but I am loved.
Baltimore, Maryland, USA
Printed in Above Rubies #92