Jesus Is Enough
Over the past 13 1/2 years of marriage, my husband and I have had one child. A little over 12 years ago, the most wonderful blessing came into our lives. We discovered that God was giving us a baby. She has been a delightful joy in our lives ever since the moment we found out He created her.
Like many people, we unquestioningly started out our married life using birth control. About six months into our marriage we asked ourselves why we were doing this when we knew we wanted children. Therefore we stopped and gave our fertility totally over into God's hands. He blessed us with Murren after challenging us to trust Him whatever His plans for our family might be. He taught us to leave that up to Him. Even though we would be ecstatic if we were to be able to adopt or were blessed again with conception, He has proved that His plans for us are good, plans to prosper us and not to harm us, to give us a future full of hope (Jeremiah 29:11).
I have learned the peace of knowing that our family looks exactly as our Lord would have it look. It doesn't change my desire to mother more children, but it does affect the fact that I can look at the future with hope knowing that He is Lord over it. When we gave our fertility over to God, it was not to get babies from Him. Just as with our lives, when our ability to conceive is given to Him He is free to do with it whatever brings Him the most glory.
If my barrenness and continued faith brings God glory, so be it. My life is His. It is my living sacrifice. I have given Him my dreams and my plans in exchange for the hope that only He can bestow. He has given me Himself. How can I not be satisfied?
If I place anything in this life, no matter how good, upon God's place in my life it becomes an idol. The desire for children has at times threatened to become my undoing, but God's faithfulness to show me my error and to produce repentance has freed me. How can I teach my dear daughter to love Jesus above all earthly things if I am longing for children more than Him?
Jesus must be enough. And He is. My womb may or may not remain empty and my arms may or may not ever hold another child of my own, but my soul is full. He has given me everything I need for life and godliness through the knowledge of Him who called me by His glory and virtue that I may be a partaker of the promises. (2 Peter 1:3)
McKinney, Texas, USA