After two C-sections, we were given a glimpse of hope that we could finally give birth naturally. It came from a sweet midwife as well as a specialist in Prince George. This was an idea that was stolen from us with our first child who was born at 2lbs. and stolen again because of lack of resources in a small town.
We were excited we moved close to the midwife who lived eight hours away. I settled into our new home and started preparing for our new arrival. I labored on and off for two weeks until one night my bowel started to bleed with every contraction. We called our midwife and met her at the hospital for the last of many stress tests as our little Josiah was already two weeks overdue. After consulting with the specialist, it was decided with great sorrow, that we were to have yet another C-section. We were so grieved.
Into surgery I went. My special midwife stayed with us the whole time. She held me when my husband was not allowed in the room for the spinal and kept him distracted when he was worried. Then the whispers started, "Have you ever seen this?" and "Wow, look at that!" Why was it taking so long? The hours drew on as evening turned into early morning. Finally we heard the cry. He was sweet and chubby with an adorable pout from our interrupting his cozy nest .Yet, as I snuggled him with my eyes and heart the surgery persisted for another three hours as they tried desperately to separate a fused mess of my organs that were attached to everywhere they shouldn't be.
The doctor tried to explain what was going on and asked, "Were you planning on having more children?"
"Oh yes," I replied, "We plan for many more babies." "Oh," she replied. Instantly, I felt in my heart that removal would have been an easy solution to the dilemmas she was facing. Why untangle if you can remove, but she trudged on.
"You can never get pregnant again," she said. "I am amazed that you held to full term without complications. If you get pregnant again, you and your baby could die." I was also hemorrhaging internally. Every few minutes they changed and weighed the bed pads as I weakened and bled into the morning. There was talk again of hysterectomy and more whispering and tension between doctor and nurses.
I looked over to my husband. He was crying. They had tried so many different drugs to stop the bleeding and still it continued. The sun was beginning to glow ever so gently into the room as it rose. I slipped away in prayerful rest, "Father my life is yours. If you want me to die, I will serve you; if you want me to live, I will serve you." Then I saw before me Jesus on the cross, and I heard the words, "Just as you are willing to bleed and die for your child, so am I." Instantly I was back in the room, awake. The sun was up now, and the bleeding stopped. Praise God!
A few days later, I went home to bed and my Mom and Dad came and helped take care of us. My first reality of no more babies came as my mother packed away all the baby girl clothes I had set out, just in case it was a girl. Over the next few months I grieved deeply and secretly. I listened to the suggestions for birth control for the first time in my life, even though controlling our conception was against what we believed.
We moved to Saskatchewan and when Josiah was about seven months old, I started praying for healing. I knew this was not too hard for my Creator. He made me and therefore He could fix me. All I needed were two things: healed organs and a new womb. One day I asked some women to pray for me, not telling them any specifics. There were three women and an 11-year-old girl. The little girl was silent, with a funny look on her face and I knew she had received something from the Lord.
The next day her mother came to me and said, "Cassieanna saw something when she prayed for you, and she wanted to tell you, but was too shy." She called for her, and she said, "As I was praying, I saw a comb going throughout your tissues, and I don't even know what tissues are, but it was combing your insides." Those words were so encouraging and I kept praying and praying. Slowly, I started to notice differences in my womanly functions. It was working, and my pain was gone. I believed I was healed. Now, Lord, one more thing: my womb!
I confided in my husband that I felt we had done wrong in taking our conception into our own hands. Why should we not trust the Giver of life with my own life? My husband out-right refused. "I can't," he said, "It would be murder."
I kept praying. One day in a vision I saw my husband asking to receive more from God. In front of him I saw the Father with his hands bound, saying, "Release me and I will." Two weeks later, he came to me, and said, "Honey, we need to talk." He shared how God had been working in his heart and giving him peace to release the Father's hands.
At our next church service, we shared our sin in binding God's hands to do what He wanted in our lives (we got some funny looks from our congregation). After the service, Cassieanna's grandfather came to us, and said, "You are pregnant!" We thought he was crazy, yet the Father in his wisdom already knew the decision of my husband's heart and had caused us to conceive two weeks earlier. I was ecstatically overjoyed. What should I be praying for now? Should I put my faith in a good birth, a good C-section, or what? I felt God's answer to my heart, "Put your faith JUST IN ME." While praying another day I felt God say, "I am not going to heal you." "WHAT?" "He whispered again, "You are already healed!" All of a sudden, I felt the whole circumference of my womb, not just the front but the back, become thick, strong, and youthful. I WAS HEALED!
We have been blessed with two babies since that day, both home births, and we are waiting for more. When my husband proposed 16 years ago, I asked him how many babies he wanted as I handed him a bunch of wild Baby's Breath. I started counting the delicate flowers one by one, and said, "So 15 is good?" He smiled and said, "We'll let God decide."
And so we are! We have six babies altogether, the first three all C-sections, the last two home births, and two I keep as treasures in heaven. If God so chooses there will be many more blessings in our home.
Conquest, Saskatchewan, Canada